[The screen is black, with some classical music playing in the background. Fade in...

###BEGIN PPV PROMO...###

The scene is a fancy dining room with a family of four, standing around the long table. They are wearing very sophisticated dress clothes, and looking like a picture-perfect, old fashioned family that may have been taken straight out of a 60’s family sitcom. The table is stacked with potatoes, ham, cranberry sauce, yams, corn... anything you can associate with Thanksgiving dinner, except for one certain food: the turkey.

At this time, a butler walks into the dining room, with a huge silver platter in his hands, and a big silver dome covering it. He places it in the very center of the rectangular table as the two joyous children and their slaphappy parents look in awe. The butler places his hand on the dome handle as the family awaits for a marvelous feast. As the butler lifts up the cover, it shows a decapitated head of Hardcore BJ, and the whole family shreiks in horror! Instantly, a herd of IWL wrestlers plow into the room and destroy everything. REVENGE flips over the table, Kevin Sash chokeslams one of the kids, NBK performs Utter Destruction on the mother, it’s complete devastation as the IWL roster trashes the place. In a sudden flash, you hear turkey slaughterings, and the screen fades to black. We fade back in as the camera is focused on the now-empty, silver platter. The bloody, meatlike words “Thanks-BEATINGS” slam onto the screen as turkey feathers float around it.

###END PPV PROMO...###

The screen fades back to black. All of a sudden, a booming voice over begins speaking as the coveted IWL World Heavyweight Title belt is displayed on the screen, rotating against a black background.]

V: The richest prize in our sport... the top of the mountain... the most prestigious strap in the game... the pinnacle of wrestling, itself. Knowing this, it's easier to understand why things get so complicated when it's being contested for... but it’s easier said...

THAN DONE!

[Suddenly, a white light flashes on the screen as the belt dissolves into a series of highlights, scuffling over the golden requisition. The Thanks-BEATINGS’ theme, “Sweet Dreams” by Marilyn Manson, blasts loudly as the reel begins.

Damocles’ violent crash into the RAGE in the CAGE fire cage...

Azure’s climactic, atop-the-ladder Critical Acclaim...

Azure’s attainment of the very World Title...

The three-count to Slate’s German Suplex, earning him the win...

Clips of Dan Slate’s doctor, reporting his condition...

A close shot of Therin’s face, and his glaring eyes. An echoing voice of a previous Therin segment plays as the camera focuses on his idle, grimacing face: There’s nothing I'd love more than to break your neck and your heart!

And, finally, Hacksaw Bull Harmon, in the segment in which he called out Dan Slate for the very match that will take place in tonight’s main event!

The reel fades to black, and “Sweet Dreams” momentarily dies away...

The screen abrubtly changes into the sooooold-out Civic Arena in Pittsburgh, PA, where fans are on their feet... screaming at the top of their lungs... impatiently waiting for the biggest event of the month, Thanks-BEATINGS. “Sweet Dreams” keys in once more, and the fans are rioting for the IWL! The camera pans throughout the arena, where thousands upon thousands of fans have lined up to see the greatest game in the wrestling world today, the IWL. The camera pans down to a big gap beside the ramp. There we see this huge series of barbwire entanglements covering a dirt area of about a ring. As the camera zooms closer, more details are revealed. The dirt area is about 10 feet deep, and, already, Sgt X and Chris Davison await in the Barbed Wire Pit. A referee stands just beside the pit, awaiting to call the unique match. The camera shifts to the commentator booth, where Lance Thompson, Nick Roberts, and “Intense” Axel Fury await.]

LT: Good evening, fans, we’re here LIVE in sold-out Civic Arena of Pittsburgh, and the audience is just about ready to blow the roof off in anticipation for the start of this spectacular event!

NR: That’s right, Lance, I don’t know how he did it, but Prez Mark packed all these amazing matches into one night, and... well, I, for one, will be interested as to what could go down, tonight!

LT: So will I, Nick! All titles will be on the line for tonight’s occasion! Matches I’d personally like to see go down are Vaughn vs Dimebag, NBK vs VD, and, of course, Dan Slate vs Hacksaw Bull Harmon.

NR: *chuckle* Yeah, that should be a classi-

AF: Why the hell isn’t Bombay in the lineup?!

LT: What?!

AF: Jerrod Bombay isn’t scheduled for a match! What the hell is this?!

LT: Hahaha...

AF: No, shut up, this is bull! This is... this is... ludicrous! Jerrod P. Bombay III is the sole reason anyone BOTHERS to watch the IWL anyway!

LT: Hey, Axel... watch your mouth.

AF: Watch your weight, porker!

NR: Haha... *sigh* Boy, you guys NEVER cease to amaze me...

[Suddenly, the lights all through the arena go out as the crowd roars with excitment. On the CG-Tron, mist moves slowly across an ankh. Suddenly, fireworks shoot from the ceiling onto the entrance ramp, causing the arena to shortly light up, and resulting in numerous cheers, ooh’s, and aah’s. When they hit, fireworks on the stage react to go off back into the ceiling as fire shoots up and into the air from the stage. When the smoke clears, the man known as 'The Specter' is standing there, knelt down. He slowly stands and quickly walks towards the ring. His entrance music gradually fades into full blast through the loudspeakers. He looks out into the crowd as he walks to the ring, giving 'fives' to the fans. He climbs up the steel steps and stands himself onto the second turnbuckle, looking out to the fans and raising his arms up. After he receives his cheers, he props himself on the turnbuckle, sitting... waiting.]

MJ: LLLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN... HAILING FROM MORGAN CITY, LOUISIANA, STANDING AT 6’0” AND WEIGHING 203 lb... HE CALLS HIMSELF THE SPECTER, AND IS THE MASTER OF THE VERTIGO... MAAAAAAAAAAAAATT BOWDEEEEENNNNNN!

[The fans burst into cheers as Bowden raises his arms from his seated position. It doesn’t take long, though, for the Specter’s cheers to be drained out...

Suddenly, Habib’s music blasts through the loudspeakers and the fans immediately rush to their feet to catch a glimpse of their favorite jobber! Just when you think they can’t cheer any louder, they do, as Habib steps through the curtains holding his title strap. He is wearing long white silk pants and his large, white turban for head gear.]

LT: Fans, on shocking news... This will be Habib’s final match here in the IWL. He was offered a top position in the chain of Quickie Marts and felt he could succeed there rather than in the ring. Best luck to him.

NR: Let’s have a moment of silence for this sad occasion, indeed...

LT: ...

AF: ...*BURP* Damn it, those Chalupas hit you hard!

MJ: LLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN... HAILING FROM BOMBAY, INDIA, AT 5’10” 178... HE IS THE MASTER OF THE HINDU HEADRUSH AND THE IWL JOBBER CHAMPION OF THE WOOOORLD... HAAAAAAABIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIB!!!

[The fans burst into cheers as Habib gleefully hops into the ring.]

MJ: Ladies and gentlemen... this match is scheduled for one fall, with the Jobber Championship on the line.

[Referee Kevin Hunter walks around the ring to show everyone the Jobber strap. He hands it to the timekeeper and signals the bell. ***DING, DING, DING*** There is somewhat of an ovation.]

LT: And Thanks-BEATINGS is under way, folks! Habib and Specter kick off this extravaganza in a standard match for the Jobber Championship!

AF: Whoop dee doo.

NR: Both men are circling each other, planning their first and most crucial move... They close into a forearm and shoulder grapple, and Specter Matt Bowden is easily overpowering Habib! He edges Habib to the turnbuckle, shoves him into the corner, and hits him with a knife-edged chop! [Thwack! “WHOO!”] Another one! [Thwack! “WHOO!”] And another one! [Thwack! “WHOO!”] Bowden with an Irish whip, and Habib hits the turnbuckle hard!

LT: Uh oh, Bowden charging forward! [pop] A corner splash onto Habib! He sandwiched that cruiserweight-turned-heavyweight, Habib! Bowden brings Habib to his feet, sends him to the ropes! Bowden, himself, runs to the perpendicular ropes, they return... SWINGING NECKBREAKER! He immediately throws himself onto the champ!

ONE...

TWO...

Kick out!

NR: As Habib attempts to sit up, Bowden refusingly shoves him back down and pins him again!

ONE...

TWO...

Kick out! I don’t believe it, now he’s complaining to the referee for a slow count!

LT: You aren’t going to get your win that way, I’m sure.

NR: Wait a minute! Habib is up, but to the back of Specter! Time to capitalize! Habib setting up to prounce... Specter turns around! [huge pop] OHH!!! BOWDEN DUCKS AND HABIB NAILS THE REFEREE IN THE FACE WITH HIS TURBAN! HABIB IS SHOCKED! SPECTER TAKES ADVANTAGE AND TACKLES HABIB, THROWING AS MANY CLOSED-FISTS AS POSSIBLE!

AF: Holy sh(BLEEP)t, I never thought I’d see this day come...

NR: Bowden now lifts Habib’s legs up and... [pop, followed by boos] LOW BLOW, DROPPING HIS FOREHEAD ACROSS THE GROIN AREA OF HABIB! He lifts his legs up again... AND HE HOOKS THEM! HE HOOKS THEM! SPECTER SWAYS THE LIMP BODY OF HABIB AROUND AND HE’S GOT THE VERTIGO ON! IT’S OV-...

LT: No! The ref is knocked out! Specter can’t take the win, at least not yet! Habib still has signs of life!

NR: Specter arrogantly brings Habib to his feet and shoves his head in between his legs... He jerks him up! OHH!!! WHAT A PILEDRIVER!!! ... What the hell!?!? Habib gets right back up! Bowden doesn’t even know it, and Habib jumps to the top rope [huge pop] AND HE’S SIGNALING THE HINDU HEADRUSH!!! (Top rope spinning 360 moonsault) HE’S GONNA GO OUT WITH A BANG! BOWDEN TURNS AROUND AND... [huge pop] HE HIT THE HEADRUSH!!! HE HIT THE HEADRUSH!!! THE PIN! THE REF IS BARELY CONSCIOUS!

ONE............

TWO............

THR- KICK OUT!!? I DON’T BELIEVE IT, SPECTER MATT BOWDEN KICKED OUT!

LT: Habib drags Bowden to his feet, sends him to the ropes, no! Reversal! Habib rebounds and [huge pop] BOWDEN WITH A NASTY SPINE BUSTER! Wow, he knocked the wind outta him!

NR: Just like that, the tides turn and Bowden has the momentum! He lifts Habib’s feet up... and hooks them! THIS COULD BE IT! THE VERTIGO! HE’S... HE’S... GOT IT! HABIB SQUIRMING AND SCREAMING FOR HELP, AND THE REFEREE SIGNALS THE BELL, THIS MATCH IS OVER! BOWDEN WINS! AFTER A MONTH’S REIGN, BOWDEN TAKES THE JOBBER CHAMPIONSHIP AWAY FROM HABIB!

MJ: LLLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN... THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH BY SUBMISSION, AND NNNNNEWWW IWL JOBBER CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORLD... “THE SPECTER” MAAAAAAAAAAAATT BOWDEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN!!!

[Most fans erupt into cheers, but the diehard Habib’ites are going to miss the guy. The referee hands Bowden the strap and he hops onto the turnbuckle and raises it high in the air as his music gradually screams into the loudspeakers. As he leaves the ring, something appears on the CG-tron. It’s a live recording of Prez Mark in his office. Someone his banging on his door, and he finally makes it in, revealing himself as Hacksaw Bull Harmon.]

Prez: We already went over this, Hacksaw, I don’t know what else to say.

HBH: You don't know what to SAY?! [grabbing Prez Mark by his suit, their faces just inches away from eachother] YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY WHEN HACKSAW BULL HARMON FINALLY GETS THE TITLE SHOT HE DESERVES, BUT SOME TWO BIT CHAMPION CAN’T FACE THE FACTS THAT HIS TITLE WIN WAS A FLUKE, SO HE FLEES?!

[Prez Mark simply lowers his mirrored sunglasses down to his nose and raises his eyebrow at Hacksaw. Hacksaw realizes what he’s doing and releases his hold.]

Prez: Look, I don’t know what else to say other than to assure you that he’ll be here, man. But I’m not going to make any promises.

[The CG-Tron fades out, and, for a moment, there is a period of inactivity. Suddenly, though, Falcon’s music blares through the loudspeakers for the very first time. Fans don’t know what to think, so the result is a mixed reaction. Falcon comes out wearing a cape that is red, white, and blue, a blue mask that has two red wings on each side, much like that of a superhero, Falcon is imprinted on the back of the mask, and the rest of his attire is much like that of Bret Hart, but the colors are exchanged with red, white, and blue.]

AF: Who the hell is this reject?

LT: He’s new... he just hasn’t shown his face, err mask, yet.

MJ: LLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN... MAKING HIS WAY TO THE RING AT 6’4” AND 215lb, BORN STRAIGHT FROM THE US OF A, HE IS THE MASTER OF THE WRATH OF JUSTICE... FAAAAAAAALLLLCOOOOOONN!

[Most fans seem to agree that he is likeable, so he receives a mild reaction from the fans. He gets into the ring awaits his opponent.]

NR: What’s wrong with him, Axel, he looks like he’s got potential.

AF: You mean he looks like he’s got problems. This is wrestling, not some Marvel comic book, damn it.

[Suddenly, “Hot For Teacher” plays through the loudspeakers, and, once again, the fans are left clueless. Out steps a man from the curtains, wearing red and black pant tights, a shirt, a pair of sunglasses, and a necklace. The young man is accompanied by a gorgeous woman and what seems to be another wrestler, possibly his partner.]

MJ: LLLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN... HAILING FROM LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, AT 6’3” 244 lb, HE IS ACCOMPANIED BY “THE GLADIATOR” CHRIS ERICKSON AND VALET JENNA JAMESON... HE IS THE MASTER OF THE FLASHBACK... ALLLEEEEX “FLAAAAAAAAAASH” SUMNEEEERRRRRRRR!

[The fans, but mostly the female crowd, go crazy for the newcomer. Sumner pulls himself onto the apron, and as he steps through, Falcon immediately attacks with an axehandle to his back. ***DING, DING, DING***]

LT: And Falcon is making quick work of “The Big Easy,” pounding him senseless with those overhand hammer punches! Falcon backs Flash into the corner, grabs the rope to his left side, and continuously drills his right boot into the stomach of Sumner!

NR: The referee has a count...

ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR...

LT: Falcon backs away at the 4-count, holding his hands up in the air, but as the referee walks away, Falcon lands a jab into Sumner’s jaw, and he falls to the mat! Falcon bounces off the ropes, Sumner turns around to his stomach for a body trip, Falcon leaps over! They both rebound off the ropes, [huge pop] FALCON HITS A BEAUTIFUL SPINNING HEEL KICK! He applies the cover!

ONE...

TW-Kickout! Sumner jumps to his feet, Falcon tries to take him back down with a clothesline but misses! Falcon turns around, and SUMNER hits him with a dropkick! Falcon up, another dropkick! Another one! An- Falcon rolls out to regroup!

NR: Alex Sumner is displaying a lot of concentration and strength in the ring! Wait a minute, Jenna Jameson is luring Falcon towards her... [huge pop] OOHHH!!! SUMNER HIT A BASEBALL SLIDE AND CONNECTED HIS BOOT STRAIGHT INTO THE MASKED FACE OF FALCON! Hey, wait a minute! Here comes his partner, Chris Erickson, and they both continue to pound on Falcon! Wait, Sumner whispers something to Erickson, and Sumner jumps back into the ring and stands on the nearest turnbuckle! Erickson scoops Falcon up by his side, for what looks like a sidewalk slam... [huge ass pop]

LT: OOH MY GOD!!! ERICKSON DROPPED FALCON WITH A SIDEWALK SLAM, AND SUMNER LANDED A FLYING LEG DROP WHILE HE WAS SUSPENDED IN THE AIR! WHAT A MANEUVER, AND BOTH SUMNER AND FALCON ARE OUT!

[“IWL! IWL! IWL!”]

NR: Erickson rolls both of them in but places Sumner on top of Falcon!

ONE...

TWO...

KICK OUT! How the hell did Falcon kick out of that?!

AF: He’s a “superhero,” remember?

NR: Sumner drags Falcon to his feet by his mask and sends him to the ropes! Falcon on the rebound, Sumner frog leaps over him, Falcon on the rebound, Sumner misses a clothesline, Falcon rebounding again, Sumner hits a massive back body drop, followed by a series of elbow drops! Sumner moves to Falcon’s feet, lifts one leg up, and flips it around for an ankle-lock!

LT: Good move by Sumner, strategically wearing down Falcon’s body.

NR: Sumner releases and runs to the top of a turnbuckle! Falcon slowly makes his way to his feet... Sumner leaps! [huge pop] OOOHHH!!! ALEX SUMNER WITH A ROLLING KICK STRAIGHT TO THE FACE OF FALCON (Vandaminator)!!!

LT: The pin!

ONE...

TWO...

Kick out! While Falcon is still down, Sumner runs to the ropes and hits an Asai Moonsault! The followup pin!

ONE...

TWO...

Kick out! Sumner brings Falcon to his feet... he delivers a caustic kick to the midsection, he bounces off the ropes and hits a guillotine crusher! (Fame-asser, Rocker Dropper)

NR: What a beautifully executed move! Sumner now to the top rope again! He leaps... [pop] OH!!! What a leg drop!

LT: Sumner quickly moving... he brings Falcon to his feet, locks on, swings around, and... [huge pop] OHH!!! WHAT A TIGER SUPLEX! The cover!

ONE...

TWO...

TH-Kickout! Falcon still able to hang in there!

NR: Sumner brings Falcon to his feet... he shoves his head in between his legs and hits a nasty piledriver! Falcon lays out cold about three feet from the corner... Sumner goes to the corner, facing the crowd... he’s signaling the Flashback! (Split-legged moonsault) He’s going to end it here! He leaps... [huge pop] HE HITS IT!

ONE...

TWO...

THREE!!! SUMNER WINS IT! WHAT A WAY TO START OFF YOUR IWL CAREER!

MJ: LLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN... THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH BY PINFALL... ALEEEX “FLAAAAAAASH” SUMNEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!

[The crowd response is bigger than before. Apparently, the win gave him a wider fan base. “Hot For Teacher” plays once again through the speakers as the Outsiders and Jenna Jameson walk up the ramp and into the backstage area.]

[The camera pans to the very Barbed Wire Pit, where Chris Davison and Sgt X await their battle. Cameras were strategically placed in certain dirt holes, so that the match can be viewed from other places than just above the pit.]

MJ: Ladies and gentlemen... the next match is scheduled as a Barbed Wire Pit match. The contestants are...

HAILING FROM TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA, AT 6’2” 225 lb, HE IS ONE HALF OF VIEWER DISCRETION AND A SILVER SKY SOLDIER... CHHAAAAAARRRIIIISSS DAAVISOOOOOONNNNN!!!

[Davison receives a DEAFENING ovation from the fans as they chant “S.S.S” Davison calmly tilts his neck to the left, then right, stretching before the match. He is wearing black jeans, a red t-shirt, and a red piece of cloth wrapped around his wrist.]

MJ: HAILING FROM ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO, AT 6’3” 250 lb, HE IS THE MASTER OF THE DRILL... SSSSEEEEEERRRRGEAAANT XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!

[The fans burst into cheers once more, but, this time, for the IWL veteran. He is clothed in a black tank top, camouflage pants, black finger-cut gloves, big black army boots, and a bandana over his nearly bald head. He applies war paint just before...]

LT: WAIT A MINUTE, SGT X IS WASTING NO TIME! HE JUST TACKLED DAVISON AND IS RELENTLESSLY POUNDING ON HIM!

NR: Remember, fans, this is a no-holds barred, no dq match up. They are practically rabid animals locked in the same cage.

LT: Considering Sgt X is trained for this type of battle, along with the fact that he is bigger than Davison, you can rightfully say that Sgt X has a significant edge in this match.

NR: You’re tellin’ me! Look at him go, he’s just pounding away relentlessly at Davison!

LT: Sgt X now brings Davison to his feet, who is now smothered with dirt. Sgt X throws him facefirst into one of the dirt walls! Ouch! He’s even grabbing a fistful of hair and grating his face back and forth across the dirt!

AF: Hah, now THAT’S the kind of action I came here to see!

NR: After grinding Davison into the dirt, he throws him down to the ground! Sgt X uses this time to plan his way out... he looks up to the barbed wire ceiling and notices the wire cutter hanging from one of the wires! Don’t tell me he’s gonna end this already! [huge pop]

LT: OOOHHHH!!! DAVISON WITH AN UPPERCUT LOWBLOW TO SGT X!

AF: Hahaha, way to be, Captain America!

NR: Sgt X is now hunched over... DAVISON WITH A BULLDOG! HE SLAMS SGT X’S FACE INTO THE DIRT! Now Davison attempts to climb up to the top... but he can’t do it! The dirt seems to be fighting against him!

AF: You idiot!

LT: Sgt X gets up and laughs at the inexperience Davison is having with this match... BUT DAVISON FIRES WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK! HE PERCHES HIMSELF ON TOP OF SGT X AND STARTS TO POUND AWAY AT HIM FURIOUSLY! BOY, IS HE PISSED!

NR: Davison takes a fistful of a dirt and forces it into the face of Sgt X! Sgt X is now coughing up dirt, and Davison looks at him with apathy! He finds a decent way to the top and starts to climb... he stumbles, but finds a better step... but SGT X is getting up!

AF: Davison sees that, and... [huge pop] HOLY SH(BLEEP)T HE JUST LEAPED OFF THE WALL AND CAUGHT SGT X WITH A FLYING TORNADO DDT!

LT: It took a little wind out of Davison, himself, but he is still up! He is climbing to the top... he’s half way there... he’s reached the ceiling, he’s just got to get the wire cutters! [huge pop] BUT SO IS SGT X! SGT X ABOUT 4 FEET TO THE SIDE OF HIM! They try to knock each other off, but both fail! Wait a minute, Sgt X landed a devastating blow on Davison, but he barely manages to keep himself suspended, holding on to one of the barbed wires, even though it’s piercing his hand!

NR: Sgt X taking advantage of this... He decks him again, and edges closer! Sgt X now manages to grapple onto Davison and... [huge pop] HE JUST COURT MARSHALLED CHRIS DAVISON! OHH MAN, A SPINNING SUPERPLEX TEN FEET IN THE AIR, THIS ONE HAS TO BE OVER!

LT: Sgt X... oh boy, oh no... Sgt X is gesturing one of the most feared moves in wrestling today, THE DRILL! Don’t even think about it, Sgt X, this is pure dirt!

NR: Who knows what ticks in the Sarge’s mind... he did get kicked out of the army for that kind of stuff...

LT: Oh no, he’s goin’ to do it... He’s bringing Davison to his feet. He sticks his head in between his legs, gestures a cut throat motion, bends down and... [huge pop] DAVISON REVERSED IT! DAVISON REVERSED IT WITH A HURRICAN RANA! BOTH MEN ARE OUT OF IT!

AF: I guess this is a good time to get some nachos.

LT: Yeah, right...

[Axel gets up and leaves.]

NR: What the hell, he actually left?! How the heck does he have this job?!

LT: Davison struggling to his feet... he’s up! He brings Sgt X to his feet and locks on... Davison grabs him by the head and kicks him in the gut with his heel! Davison looks like he’s locking the Backlash! He hooks one arm, he hooks... [huge pop] OHH!!! SGT X NAILED HIM WITH A LOWBLOW!

NR: As Davison his hunched over, Sgt X follows up with an implant DDT! The Sarge is now preparing to climb the pit... he charges, and he quickly rockets up the pit with lightning speed! He reaches the highest point and spots the wire cutter hanging down from one of the barbed wires! Before he attempts to retrieve them, he looks down to Davison... still down. Sgt X reaches out to grab the wire cutter... he’s got it!

LT: Davison is up and Sgt X doesn’t even know it!

[Axel returns with a nacho tray.]

AF: Hey guys, what’d I miss?

[Nick and Lance stare blankly at him.]

LT: ...

NR: ...

AF: What, do I have cheese on my face or something?

NR: Sgt X has already begun to break open the wire concealment! He’s snapping away like a turtle!

AF: Oooh, you can do similes! *chomp*

LT: Davison is sneaking up behind him! He’s slowly climbing his way up!

AF: Turn around, you idiot! *chomp*

NR: Sgt X has cut open a big enough hole in the barbwire patch! He’s climbing th- but wait! We forgot all about Davison! He grabs a hold Sgt X’s pant leg! He climbs his way up, and... [huge pop] OOOHHH MY GOD! BOTH MEN FALL FROM TEN FEET ATOP THE PIT DOWN TO THE BOTTOM!

LT: I hope we have paramedics standing by for this match!

AF: *chomp* Do we, really??! Moron.

NR: Both men showing little signs of life... but out of nowhere, a burst of power enters the soiled body of Chris Davison! His fist shakes violently in the air, and he jumps to his feet! He lets out an audible scream, and the fans respond with cheers! Davison scoops Sgt X up.... he kicks him in the gut... [huge pop] THERE’S THE BACKLASH! THERE’S THE BACKLASH! DAVISON’S GOT THIS ONE IN THE BAG! HE’S JUST GOT TO MAKE HIS WAY OUT OF THAT PIT!

LT: He prounces on to the wall and violently scurries up the wall, with a lot of failed attempts... he’s almost there! he’s almost there! I CAN SEE HIS HAND! HIS HAND IS NOW OUT OF THE-

AF: Hey, want some nachos?

LT: ...

AF: Well... ?

LT: ... WE’RE TRYING TO FREAKIN’ COMMENTATE HERE!!!

AF: Fine. Last time I offer you anything.

LT: Davison now has both arms aboveground! He pulling himself up, but the loose dirt slowly slides him back down! He’s halfway through! Wait a minute! Sgt X is up! Sgt X has regained consciousness! Sgt X quickly runs up the wall, and he’s already at a faster pace than Davison! He makes a last-chance dive for Davison’s leg! [huge pop] HE MISSES!!! DAVISON HAS CLIMBED OUT! DAVISON IS THE WINNER, DAVISON IS THE WINNER!!!

MJ: LLLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN... THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH... CHAARRRRISSSSSSSS DAVISOOOOONNNNNNN!!!

[The fans erupt with cheers as “Rico” by the Good Matthew Band roars through the loudspeakers. As everything gets cleared up, the camera pans back to the commentary booth, where Axel Fury is still munching down on his nachos.]

AF: You know, *chomp* you really don’t know what you’re missing out on, Lance. *chomp*

LT: ... anyway, our next match is going to be a wild one. Alexander Vaughn and Dimebag light it up in the back lot of the Civic Arena, where anything goes in this Street Fight match, and the hardcore instincts come into play.

NR: Not only does it mark the entrance into the “big time” for Alexander Vaughn, but this match represents the return of Mr. Insult, himself, Dimebag!

AF: Feh.

LT: Let’s go down to the back lot of the Civic Arena, where Alexander Vaughn is awaiting the arrival of Dimebag.