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[Fade in... ###BEGIN PPV PROMO...### The scene is in your average holiday-ready living room. A Christmas tree towering over a bundle of gifts just itching to be opened, a fireplace heating up the room, Christmas figurines set on the mantle, and a soothing rendition of “O Holy Night” plays in the background. We’ve just reached the break of dawn on Christmas morning, and the same two kids from the Thanksgiving promo run down the stairs and drop to their knees in front of the tree, with a twinkle in their eyes that their watching mother waits every year to see just once. The kids look at each other, then they turn and look at their mother in an asking-for-permission expression. The mother nods her head as the kids quickly rip off the gift wrap to see what good ole St. Nick got them this year. The boy pulls out a Singapore cane as the girl pulls out a steel chair. They look at their weapons, then at each other, then at their weapons, and back at each other. The mother looks distraught at the possibility of unhappiness with their presents, but suddenly, the girl jumps to her feet and cracks the chair over her brother’s head. The boy falls back as blood begins to rush to the open gash on his forehead, and the mother rests back into her seat with a smile. The girl picks up her brother and looks left to right. She hooks his head and executes a beautiful Scissors-DDT! The camera quickly cuts to fast reel of IWL highlights, then flashes into a new screen where the IWL Winter Warfare ‘99 logo is emblazoned. The scene fades out... ###END PPV PROMO### [Open into total blackness... A man's voice is heard... its rich, rolling bass commands every viewer’s attention.] V: For the past three months, the ever watchful eye of the wrestling world has been focused on ONE organization -- The Internet Wrestling League. For three months it observed a smalltime wrestling organization as it struggled to earn its share of the spotlight. [A still shot slowly drifts by -- the official in-ring contract signing to one of the most anticipated main events in IWL history, the Triple Threat-Barbwire Pit Match.] V: After a long, and draining, financial battle, the succeeded President but still owner David Catlette signed a lucrative business agreement with former business partner and long-time friend, Mark Liquete. In selling nearly three fourths of the federation to the determined head, Catlette bestowed Liquete the capital needed to give the IWL a much needed boost. Not long after, the Internet Wrestling League finally found it's niche -- the subject of the long-reserved blueprints of a highly anticipated organization of Mark’s. [Still shots of RAGE in the CAGE are displayed.] V: The kick-off extravaganza was a success, and the IWL was on track to become the fastest growing e-fed since the history of its origin, the UFWA. Within two weeks under deals with FWLnet, our ratings shot through the roof, instantly reaching the top 75 federations out of the Top 1000 organizations listed. Everything was sailing smoothly... Until... [The eerie high notes of the Winter Warfare ‘99 theme, KoRn’s “Falling Away From Me” is cued. Still shots of every single IWL wrestler at the time of RAGE in the CAGE quickly pass by. Instanteously, the rest of the music pounds through the screen now displays action stills of RAGE in the CAGE.] # Hey, I’m feeling tired, my time’s gone today... # [NBK nailing Utter Destruction on the Bomb Squad... Doomsday hitting the Cataclysm in the Hall of Fame match, the Hardcore Hell match... Kevin Sash crashing through the Hell in the Cell cage... Quick flashes of each participant in the main event crashing into the firecage.] # Day, is here fading, that’s when I would say # [Sgt X’s return match, the Court Marshall off the camouflage hummer... Snake~Eyez spitting mist in Harmon’s face... NBK’s Utter Destruction on the Unholy Army of Darkness... Dan Slate’s attainment of the World Title.] # Beating me down # [NBK hitting Utter Destruction on Mid~Knight... OutKast hitting the Exile on REVENGE... Dan Slate announced missing, Therin’s ill-famed phrase.] (Falling away from me) [NBK hitting Utter Destruction on VD... Dimebag’s BRUTAL attack in the Street Brawl, followed by The Marauders attack... Shawn Walsh _obliterating_ Sgt X’s rented car with Big Man in it... Davison’s victory atop the Barbed Wire Pit... The introduction of The Wrecking Crew...] # Beating me down # [Angel’s World Championship victory... HBH/Dimebag’s ruse over the Marauders... Alex Sumner being completely embarassed on national television...] # Pressing me, they won’t go away # [Dan Slate’s public retirement announcement... NBK’s Utter Destruction on Alex Craven... Alex Craven’s severe attack on Derek Justice’s knee... Derek Justice and Jay Hawke jumping Craven at the mental institution’s parking lot... ] # Life’s falling away from me # [As KoRn goes crazy on the tunes, the highlight reel moves at an alarming speed, recapping all the previous highlights... the intense speed and excitement makes the heart beat quickly... CEASE... Slow motion of Craven staring at NBK...] Craven: [echoed]THIS ISN’T OVER, SWEETHEARTS, NOT BY A LONG SHOT! [As his exuberant voice echoes away, the picture fades out... The roar of THE most die-hard wrestling fans’ cheers, and we fade into Copps Coliseum of Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. It's a sold-out venue; the 20,000 plus crowd, filling the arena shoulder-to-shoulder. The shot then zooms in -- swooping down over the crowd, capturing as many fans on film as possible. And they respond appropriately - leaping to their feet, arms flailing wildly, and as usual, among Canadian arenas... a LOT of Maple Leafs. Amidst the chaos, we see quite a few signs: "SUMNER IS A WOMAN!", "BIENVENUE, VIEWER DISCRETION! (Maple Leaf picture)", "RATM SUCKS!", "HI MOM!" and "OTHER SIDE, DUMBASS!". A group of fans in the balcony have vertically hung a bedsheet-banner over the edge that reads, “CRAVEN IS THE FRANCHISE!" with a lifesized portrait of the Heatseeker. Suddenly, the infamous high notes of KoRn’s “Falling Away From Me” eeriely play over the loudspeakers. The camera zooms in and catches a stage that’s set beside the platform of the top ramp, where KoRn is performing live for the IWL. As the notes end and the guitars pound through the speakers, the fans give a HUGE ovation for the famous band. The music ceases, and an image appears on the screen.]  -=LIVE FROM HAMILTON, ONTARIO, CANADA=- [Cut to ringside, where Lance Thompson sits alongside Nick Roberts and “Intense” Axel Fury. Thompson is nattily attired in a suit, a silver and royal blue IWL insignia pin gleams on his lapel. Fury, ever the anti-fashion plate wears a light gray promotional 'ULTIMATE GAMBLE' t-shirt and jeans, while Roberts is attired in a pinstripe suit. Lance is grinning from ear to ear as the camera focuses in on the ‘inseperable’ trio. Fury is nowhere near as enthusiastic, probably because he STILL needs to get the IWL Insider in as well as the Monthly Awards for November *hint, hint*. Over the deafening IWL chants of the fans, Lance speaks. ] LT: Hello everyone, and welcome to Copps Coliseum in beautiful Hamilton, Ontario, Canada! Welcome... to WINTER... WARFARE!!! [A spectacular display of golden pyrotechnics erupts from all four ring-posts and both sides of the entranceway, illuminating the moderately lit interior of Copps Coliseum! As the houselights come up, a rain of glittering confetti showers down over the excited crowd. The crowd explosion that rises is deafening!] AF: AH, SHUT UP! MY EARS! LT: We’ve got a haaa-uuge crowd of over fifteen thousand strong here in Hamilton, and millions of fans, Canadian and American, are tuning in for THE last IWL Pay Per View extravaganza of the millenium, and what a show we’re in for! Doomsda- AF: Techinically, you’re wrong. LT: What? AF: It’s not the last PPV of the millenium. There was no “year zero”, hence, year 2001 is the turn of the century. NR: He’s got a point there. LT: Well, everyone cares about the hyped up Y2K, so there! Fans, we will see Sgt X and Angel go at it for the World Title! The FIRST ever Triple Threat Tag Team Match, and the Hardcore Tag Team Championships are on the line! Also, of course, always favorites to the crowds, the World Tag Team Championship defense against Viewer Discretion, for the second time! NR: Yeah, Lance, those guys _always_ get five star classics. LT: Not to mention any unwanted guests, Nick! “The Franchise” aka “The Heatseeker” Alex Craven made his first appearance only since Massacre, yet he made a big enough impact to be in a title chase! An- AF: Hah, the Jobber Title chase... LT: An- AF: Which brings me to something else... LT: How about I finish my sentence first? AF: How about you shut up!?!?!? Okay, so... word around the rumor mill is that there’s a dismal future for the life of the Jobber Title, and, you know, I’d be _so_ disappointed to see it go. LT: Speaking of rumors, where is your latest issue of the “Intense” Insider? AF: ... LT: Or should I call it, “Inactive” Insider? *chuckle* AF: Uhh... Let’s roll the rundown for tonight’s dark matches... NR: >Well, Axel, there’s only one, tonight. The opponent that Jobber Champ, Specter, was supposed to face was chosen at random. The wrestler chosen was Order, and he showed up for the match... here’s the rundown. -- “Specter” Matt Bowden d. Order 6:32 when Bowden got Order to submit to “The Vertigo”, better known as the Elevated Boston Crab. The match started out with Order, accompanied by manager/large gavel wielder, The Judge, and tag team partner, Law. Order took early advantage with a blindsight shot the Judge took to Bowden with his gavel while the ref was distracted by Law. Eventually, Bowden’s wise acts weaseled his way out of a loss, as Bowden ducked a gavel shot that leveled Order. From there, Bowden applied the Elevated Crab, and that was the end of the match. _After_ the match, though, The Judge was able to get a clear gavel shot while Bowden had the Vertigo on. He suffered a minor concussion, and he should fully recover by next month. LT: Well, after that match, I don’t think I can sleep well knowing that the Judge is still loose with that gavel and his two minions. AF: Oh, come on, Lance... You can’t sleep after watching _Pokemon_, for Pete’s sake. NR: Well, whatever his sleeping habits are, they have no relevance to the tape we’re about to see, sent to us from none other than Shawn Walsh. AF: That’s “Sadistic” Shawn Walsh to you, Nicky. NR: Whatever. Roll the tape. [The shot opens up in the back lot area of Copps Coliseum, hours before the PayPerView. Suddenly, a sassy, perfectly waxed black Mercedes Benz drives by and stops at a loop. The door swings open, and out steps the Sadistic One... the Prince of Sadism... “Sadistic” Shawn Walsh. He is wearing another sassy black suit, fine gold rings, mirrored sunglasses, and his blackish brown hair is slicked back, just long enough to be tied into a pony tail. He brushes some dust off of his shoulder and closes the door behind him. Suddenly, a security guard approaches him.] SG: Excuse me, sir, you can’t park here! It’s a loop! Sir! [Walsh ignores him and walks into the building. On his way through the locker rooms, he spots a reporter and his crew, and that sh*t eating grin spreads across his face.] SSW- Well, well, well. Just the guys I was looking for. Come with me. [They start to follow him, but then he notices something.] SSW- Whoa, hold it right there, Barbara Walters [referring to the (male) reporter/interviewer] They come, YOU STAY. [Walsh proceeds to walk down the hallways with the camera man filming his every step. Walsh, at a random point, decides to start talking.] SSW- Well, boys... what can I say? The Sadistic One’s IWL career hasn’t been on the up-and-up, and I begin to ponder why? I f[BLEEP]cking beat the sh[BLEEP]t out of anyone that even f[BLEEP]cking looks at me, and I don’t get f[BLEEP]cking recognition for it. Can you tell me why the F[BLEEP]CK THAT IS?! [The camera man nods.] SSW- Well, I don’t give a f[BLEEP]cking sh[BLEEP]t about what you think. I mean... I’m a legitimate wrestler, here. I’m a brawler, I may bend the rules... okay, so I f[BLEEP]cking wet the rules and wipe my ass with them, but still. I god damn near broke Sgt X’s nose with my patented finisher... I got the hell pissed out of homefry, OutKast, though that’s not hard to do. And more than once was I THIS CLOSE to having that stupid piece of tinfoil you call a TV belt... well, I’ve got a reality check for all you phony mother f[BLEEP]ckers out there. I’m “Sadistic” Shawn F[BLEEP]CKING WALSH, AND LAYING THIS CHISEL-PERFECT BODY DOWN FOR THE PIN AIN’T GONNA BE PEAS AND GOD DAMN CARROTS! [The camera man seems to be mumbling something to him.] SSW- What’d you say? You said it’s because I what, I SWEAR? What the f[BLEEP]ck did I tell you, I told you I don’t give a f[BLEEP]cking sh[BLEEP] about what you think, SO SHUT THE HELL UP. [They stroll passed OutKast’s locker room, but Walsh suddenly takes a cartoon-like double take. He turns around and walks up to OutKast’s door. There is a clipboard and pen hanging on the door... as the camera zooms in, it is revealed to be the contract negotiations for the tag team match between Street/OutKast and Erikson/VACANT. Walsh doesn’t even bother to look through the papers. He sees OutKast’s name written on it, so he quickly scribbles his perfect John Hancock onto the contract. As he finishes, he starts to laugh...] SSW- Well, well, well... it seems that Wrestler from the Hood has finally decided to muster the gall to f[BLEEP]ck with the Prince of Sadism, and, just in case you were to stupid to see what went down, I signed the damn papers... and let me tell you something, boys. I don’t give two flying rats’ asses about who the hell else is in that match. Just so long as you haul your flea-ridden ass to MY ring, you just make sure you shine that nose up real nice, ‘cause this? [pats his knee] It ain’t gonna be peas and carrots. [He begins to walk away, but something just came up and he turns around.] SSW- Hey, wait up, I got one more thing to say. I don’t wanna hear any of your ‘gangsta’ catch phrases, ‘cause I sure as hell don’t intend on kissing anything. I am the f[BLEEP]cking master of masochism, and if there’s one person that’s gonna be puckering up? It’s you, and I suggest you stay puckered up ‘cause if you even think of f[BLEEP]cking smiling or spankin’ your ass, everyone will witness the brutality and horror I inflicted on your piss-yellow teeth. [The shot fades out. We return to Copps Coliseum, and Fury is currently laughing his ass off.] LT: ... NR: ... AF: HAHAHA! I’m sorry, it’s just that... HAHAHAHAHAH! It’s just that that was the most brilliant segment I’ve ever heard! LT: Oh, goodness... anyways, the first scheduled match for tonight’s extravaganza Is the building rivalry between J-Bizz Jerome Brown and James “Sexy Boy” Willoughby, and it will either be settled or more tensions will build... either way, it’s through a Sexy Boy-style, Ugly stick-Ladder Match. In it, a ladder will be a weapon as well as Sexy Boy’s ill-famed “Ugly Stick”, just so long as it is reachable. Falls will still be counted by pins and submissions, this is not a “first to hit is the winner” match. NR: I don’t know who to gun for in this one... both men seem equally stubborn. AF: Yeah and they both suc- LT&NR: [simultaneously] WE KNOW, WE KNOW. “THEY SUCK EQUALLY.” AF: I gotta change my lines... *sniff sniff* and YOU, Lance, gotta change your undies. Whoo-boy... [The camera pans to the ring, where the Ugly Stick has been lowered and a ladder has been placed in the center of the ring.] MJ: LLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN... THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL AND IS AN UGLY STICK-LADDER MATCH... [The fans moderately react as Ja Rule’s “How Many Wanna” blares over the loudspeakers. The cheers increase as J-Bizz Jerome Brown steps into the brown and red spotlights on the entrance way. Brown flashes signs to the fans as he struts to the ramp, clad in a tank top, cargo pants, and a bandana.] MJ: INTRODUCING FIRST, HAILING FROM QUEENS, NY, NY... STANDING AT SIX FOOT FOUR, 205 POUNDS... HE IS THE MASTER OF THE GAT BLAST... “J-BIIZZZ” JERRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMME BROOOOOWN! [A mixed reaction is amidst the adrenaline-filled fans of Copps Coliseum as J-Bizz climbs into the ring. He removes his bandana and throws it to the side, staring with very little anxiety at the ladder.] MJ: AND HIS OPPONENT... [Brown’s attention suddenly turns to the entrance portal as the bass vibrations of “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred pound through the arena speakers to a very diverse reaction: extreme cheers vs complete heat.] MJ: HAILING FROM SOUTH BEACH, FLORIDA... HE STANDS SIX FOOT FIVE AND WEIGHS IN AT 235 POUNDS... HE IS THE MASTER OF THE ONE NIGHT STAND... JAAAAAAAAAAAAMES “SEXY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY” WWWWWWWWIIIIIIIILLOUGHBYYYYYYYYYYY! [The fans erupt with cheers as the Sexy Boy himself sifts through the curtains. He periodically moves with the beats of his theme, but concentrates more on flirting with the women rampside. Clad in a glittery, showy outfit, always keeping himself original, James Willoughby hops onto the apron and turns around to work up the crowd even more. He springboards into the ring and points to the fans, causing a rush of cheers to flood in. With a quick blast, pyrotechnics go off behind the posing Willoughby. The music ceases and Brown returns to the ring. *** DING DING DING ***] LT: Ladies and gentlemen, Winter Warfare ‘99 is under way! J-Bizz gets an early start and drives a knee into the back of Sexy Boy, causing him to hit the mat face-first! NR: Brown immediately jumps to the back of Willoughby, who is on his hands and knees! He grasps onto him in an amateur wrestling method -- Willoughby jerks to the left, fails! He jerks to the right, and fails! He tries to run forward, but seeing as he has no attempts, [huge pop] OHH, WILLOUGHBY WITH A LOW BLOW! AF: And there’s nothing wrong with that! This is a hardcore-ruled match, so this HAS to be good! NR: Brown on his stomach in pain, WILLOUGHBY WITH A GUILLOTINE LEG DROP ACROSS THE BACK OF HIS NECK! Sexy Boy up to his feet and plays up the crowd, giving Brown time to regroup. LT: He’s up, and the two men start to circle each other. They lunge in for a lock-up, but Brown with a quick go-behind and a waistlock -- Brown picks Willoughby up and takes him down to the mat with a belly-to-back suplex! NR: Both men quickly back to their feet, they lock up, again! Willoughby with a quick knee to the gut, and hooks his head... and TAKES him over with a snap brainbuster! Willoughby quickly moves in as he drops a punch to Brown’s forehead! LT: He brings Brown back to his feet and sends him into the ropes! On the return, Willoughby hits him with a beautiful spinning leg lariat! Willoughby back to his feet, and he ascends to the second turnbuckle. Brown up... WILLOUGHBY WITH A FLYING FISTDROP THAT HITS ITS MARK! NR: Brown back to the mat and Willoughby gets to his feet. Willoughby brings Brown back to his feet -- he moves around and hooks J-Bizz in a full nelson -- AND JERKS BACK WITH A DRAGON SUPLEX! The bridge, and J-Bizz is in position! ONE! TWO!! Kick out! LT: Willoughby back on the attack... [slap] And as Brown tries to pull himself back up, Willoughby steps over him and slaps him! AF: Haha, music to my ears! Paintbrush the back of that head with those slaps! NR: Willoughby brings Brown back to his feet and whips him into the ropes -- Ouch! Brown just had his knees taken out from under him with that knee body drop! And he applies a spinnng toe-hold -- and DROPS DOWN ON THE KNEE!!! OH, THAT HAD TO HURT! LT: Willoughby has him in another spinning-toe hold -- and he’s going for the figure-four! NR: AND A QUICK SMALL PACKAGE BY BROWN! ONE! TWO!! KICK OUT! AF: Yeah, looks like Sexy Boy isn’t going to lose to some small package. LT: Brown is not a small package. AF: ... NR: ... LT: I-- AF: That’s more information than we wanted to know, Lance. LT: I... oh, you meant the move... well, I meant-- AF: I don't even wanna know, Lance. NR: Willoughby back to his feet, and he fires a chop in on the kneeling Brown! [WHOO!] Both men on their feet, Willoughby fires him across the ring -- Sexy Boy bends over for a back drop... NR: BUT BROWN HOLDS ONTO THE ROPES! Willoughby is a prime target! [huge pop] SPIKE! Brown spikes Willoughby into the mat with a VICIOUS DDT! Brown pulls himself back to his feet... he’s shaking off the cobwebs. AF: Haha, that’s a good one. For a minute there, I didn’t think J-Bizz would even hold any competition against Sexy Boy! LT: J-Bizz approaching the fallen Willoughby, but he hits the mat as Sexy Boy takes out the back of his knees with a jabbing arm! NR: And Willoughby will finally make use of the ladder! He’s going for the ugly stick! WAIT, BROWN TO HIS FEET! [The crowd starts to cheer.] LT: BROWN SHOVES THE LADDER!!! [A HUGE pop as the towering ladder falls over.] AF: TIMMMMBERRRRRR! [*CRASH!* HUGE POP!] LT: OOOHHHH MY GODD!!! THE LADDER LANDED ON THE ROPES BUT WILLOUGHBY CRASHED ONTO THE SPANISH TABLE! OHH WHAT A FALL! NR: And Willoughby is nearly _dead_, and that ladder stands, leaning on the ropes... Brown waits... and waits... and Willoughby finally gets to his feet! Brown runs against the ropes and... [huge, HUGE pop!] OH MY _GOD_, BROWN JUST RAN UP THE TILTED LADDER AND HIT A CORKSCREW PLANCHA TO THE OUTSIDE! [“IWL! IWL! IWL!”] LT: Brown gets back into the ring and sets the ladder up at the edge of the ring! He climbs up to the top... Willoughby up! [huge pop] OH MY GOD!!! BROWN WITH A 360 PLANCHA FROM THE LADDER TO THE OUTSIDE, AND BROWN IS RIPPIN’ IT UP! AF: Sure smells like it. NR: Brown back to his feet, and he rolls Willoughby into the ring! Brown gets into the ring himself, and he leans the ladder into the corner. He scoops up Sexy Boy and takes him to the opposite corner! He looks up to the crowd, drawing a number of cheers. Brown leans forward and rears back with a HUGE Irish whip! [CRACK! huge pop!] OHHH!!! SEXY BOY SPLATTERS HIS BACK ON THE LADDER! He springs forward off the rebound, AND BROWN CATCHES HIM IN A FRANKENSTEINER! He hooks the legs on the curled Willoughby! ONE! TWO!! THR-NO!!! MY GOD, HE KICKED OUT! LT: In a bit of frustration, Brown gears back and NAILS WILLOUGHBY IN THE GROIN WITH A SOCCER KICK! AF: Hahahaha, yeah! LT: Brown damaging a _very_ important part of Sexy Boy’s anatomy! Brown scales halfway up the ladder behind him. He grabs Willoughby and hooks his head in an inverted front-facelock! [HUGE pop!] SWEET JESUS! NR: WHAT A TORNADO REVERSE DDT FROM BROWN! I don’t know WHERE he came up with that move, but it was devastating none-the-less! Brown makes a cover and hooks the far leg! ONE! TWO!! THRE-NO! WILLOUGHBY KICKS OUT AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND! LT: Brown with a standing leg drop on Willoughby! Brown back to his feet, he drops a knee right to Willoughby’s sternum! Brown drags Willoughby to his feet and connects a waistlock -- Willoughby swings around with a waistlock of his own -- SIDE BACKBREAKER! And Willoughby trying to soften Brown’s back up! NR: Willoughby climbs up the ladder... [Fans begin to cheer.] NR: He’s to the top! [The fans ERUPT into cheers!] NR: AND HE’S GOT IT! HE’S GOT THE UGLY STICK! LT: WAIT! Brown sees this and he drop kicks the foot of the ladder! [huge pop] OHH MY GOD! WILLOUGHBY COMES TOWERING DOWN AND LANDS FACE-_FIRST_ ONTO THE TURNBUCKLE! SWEET JESUS, I have a feeling he isn’t gonna be the Sexy Boy anymore! AF: Hahaha, aren’t you _loving_ it, Lance? First his family jewels, then his oh so beautiful face! What’s next, his ugly clothes? Hahahaha! NR: Oh no, Brown has the ugly stick! Brown has the ugly stick! [The fans start to cheer, but they turn to boos as Kevin Elias runs down to the ring. He’s wearing his tights and his “Hardcore NO MORE!” t-shirt.] LT: Oh no, it’s Kevin Elias! Don’t ruin it, this is such an awesome match! NR: He sneaks into the ring! He’s prowling up behind J-Bizz! [CRACK!] OHH!!! BROWN KNEW HE WAS THERE! HE TURNED AROUND AND _LEVELED_ PRIMETIME! LT: Elias rolls out of the ring, grabbing his head! AF: Uh oh... he’s...he’s...gonna... turn... UGLY! OOooOOoohh! Wait, he already is. My bad. LT: [CRACK!] OHHH!!! BROWN STRUCK THE DOWNED WILLOUGHBY ACROSS HIS BACK! [CRACK!] OHH, HE HIT HIM AGAIN! [CRACK!] AND AGAIN! NR: Jesus, have mercy on the guy! LT: He drags Willoughby to his feet, and he is in agony! He can barely stand! Brown butts the head of the ugly stick into the gut of Sexy Boy and moves to the side of him! Brown traps Sexy Boy’s neck behind the ugly stick, hooks the leg, and [huge pop] HE NAILS HIM WITH A RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! He comes over for the pin! ONE! TWO!! THREE--NO! HOLY CRAP, HOW THE HECK DOES SEXY BOY DO IT?! NR: Brown picks him up and sends him to the ropes! On the return, OH, Brown with a HUGE cutting swing but Willoughby ducks it! On another rebound, Willoughby ducks another swing, and Brown stumbles forward! Willoughby off the ropes again and [huge pop] HE NAILS HIM WITH A DROPKICK! Brown is back up, WILLOUGHBY WITH ANOTHER DROPKICK! Brown back to his feet, Willoughby catches him and attempts an Irish whip, but Brown with a reversal whip! LT: Willoughby hits the turnbuckle HARD, and rebounds off the collision -- HERE COMES THE CHARGING J-BIZZ! [“OHHH!”] OHH, WILLOUGHBY DUCKS A _HUGE_ SWING AND THE STICK STRIKES THE TURNBUCKLE! HE TURNS AROUND AND... [CRACK! HUGE POP!] OOOONE NIGHT STAND! ONE NIGHT STAND! WILLOUGHBY HITS HIM WITH THE ONE NIGHT STAND SUPERKICK! WHAT A DESPERATION ATTACK, AND BOTH MEN FALL TO THE MAT! AF: Stick a fork in Brown ‘cause that dumb spaghetti’s done! LT: Boy oh boy, both men are _down_, and referee Kevin Hunter starts the obligatory ten count! [ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR...] NR: Both men still trying to regroup... [FIVE... SIX... SEVEN...] NR: AND WILLOUGHBY IS UP! _WHAT_?! LT: OHH, BROWN IS UP TO HIS FEET, AND WILLOUGHBY IS SHOCKED THAT HE’S STILL _ALIVE_! LT: Brown lurches forward with the ugly stick, [SMACK! huge, HUGE pop!] OHH!!! WILLOUGHBY WITH THE ONE NIGHT STAND, AGAIN! THIS ONE’S HISTORY! HE DROPS DOWN WITH A DESPAIRED PIN! ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! WILLOUGHBY WINS! WILLOUGHBY WINS! MJ: LLLADIES AND GENTLEMEN... HERE IS YOUR WINNER, BY PINFALL... JAAAAAAMES “SEXY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY” WILLOUGHBYYYYYYYY!!! [The fans absolutely BURST into cheers as “I’m Too Sexy” keys in once more through the arena speakers and as the ref raises the hand of Willoughby. The camera switches to the commentators.] LT: Well, fans, WHAT a WAY to kick off Winter Warfare! In what has to be one of the most hardfought performances in the history of the IWL, Willoughby was the better man. NR: It was a close one, though, Lance. Willoughby put up a good fight, but Brown displayed some really effective retaliation. In the end, though, it was Sexy Boy that was victorious. |
