Day 1:

Dear Chakotay,

I’m writing you this for you to read when you wake up so that you will not feel so lost.

As I am writing this you are lying in a hospital bed. You were in an accident you see, and the Doctors have done all they can. Now it is up to you. There is nothing I can do except sit here with you and hope that you, wherever you are, somehow can hear my voice and feel my touch so that you will know that you are not alone.

I do not know how much you will remember Chakotay that is why I will right what has happened to you. I find it relaxing to write it down like this. I am writing it in a notebook that was given to me years ago. On the front there is written, “Thoughts”. I've replicated an old fashioned pen and am sitting here, trying to sort out the emotions that whirl through my mind as I sit here looking at you.

Your accident occurred a week after we had arrived on Earth. Isn’t it an ironic twist of fate that after seven years in the Delta Quadrant, facing unknowns and dangers everyday, you are brought down right at the end of that journey. I try not to think that fate is playing a cruel trick on you.

I did not see you much during that week. There were debriefings with Starfleet and a general pandemonium surrounding us and there was never time to talk. Not that I would have known what to say but I went through that whole week hoping I´d bump into you in a quite moment, just to be able to spend time with you.

The it was over. You went away somewhere, I didn’t know where and I didn’t want to seem over anxious to find out. So I went to Indiana. You probably knew I would Chakotay. I've told you about my childhood there. I once showed you a holoimage of my sister and myself standing in front of the house waiving at the camera. I tried not to think of you too much. I tried not to think at all in fact. I knew that would come later. That I would spend many hours thinking back over the years, remembering.

I had just gotten back from a walk when B´Elanna contacted me. I was glad she did but my gladness soon evaporated when she told me about your accident. I don’t remember how I got to the hospital in San Francisco but suddenly I was there, hearing the nurses explain that they were operating on you. Trying desperately to put your battered body back together again.

So I waited. B´Elanna and I sat in silence, occasionally one of us would shed a tear and we would grasp each others hands for comfort. Tom came by with Miral, as did practically every member of the crew. Your sister came. I’m afraid I didn’t make a very good impression. I was tired after having been awake for two days, and I hadn’t eaten more than the barest to what was necessary. I think she understood though. She spent an hour sitting with you in your room and when she came out she pulled me out of my chair in the hall outside your room and gave me a hug. We stood there leaning against each other crying for each other and for you.

Then she left again and I was alone with you. That was four days ago. The Doctor is here everyday, checking your vital signs and taking tests. When I asked what he could do for you he said “nothing”. I almost became mad at him before I realised that he feels as helpless as I do.

Seven was here yesterday. She looked frightened. I didn’t know how to act around her. I felt I couldn’t go back to being her mentor/captain that I was before. Maybe I will later on.

She stood looking down at you for a long time. I was sitting in my chair in the corner looking out the window.

Then out of the blue she started telling me what had happened on the day of your accident.

The two of you had been in the apartment Seven bought in San Francisco. You had told her how you couldn’t keep on dating her, how it had been wrong from the start. That you thought she was a wonderful person but didn’t feel more than friendship for her. I can’t tell you how she took it. She seemed to understand when she was here but I don’t know what she was thinking that day.

You had told her that you had to go, had to see someone. And that was when it happened. You had walked quickly to the transport, probably not wanting to miss it and have to wait for the next one. Oh how I wish you hadn’t been in such a hurry. I don’t know what exactly happened to the transport, I haven’t bothered reading the reports on what went wrong. All I know is that you were found unconscious under a large portion of the transport. For a while they didn’t think you would make the trip to the hospital.

Who were you going to see Chakotay? I know what I want, what I pray for, but I do not want to get my hopes up and have them crushed. I can not bear to have you break my heart again.

This may sound horrible but I knew your thing with Seven would collapse as soon as we got back to Earth. I could see it, sense it. It would have happened on Voyager too. It would probably only have taken a little longer, but it would have happened just the same.

So now I sit here beside you. Waiting for you to wake up. I have your medicine wheel hanging over your head. I believe it will help you come back to me.

Day 2:

I’m amazed at how much I wrote in one day alone! After I had written yesterday I sat by you and read what I had written. Then I just lay beside you stroking your hair, talking to you about everything and nothing. I hope you heard me.

Day 3:

You are getting better! It’s nothing the Doctor has said but I felt you squeeze my hand. First I thought I had imagined it but as I leaned toward you and whispered to you you did it again. I contacted your sister and she almost started crying right there. She misses you, and as soon as you are well enough we will go visit her. Together.

Day 5:

Yesterday I didn’t write anything because yesterday was a momentous day. You opened your eyes. And it was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. Your eyes fluttered slightly and you turned your head toward me and as recognition set in you smiled at me. I couldn’t help it, tears welled up in my eyes and when you noticed you lifted your weak arm and dried my tears. Then you said something I´ll never forget, you said

“Kathryn you look terrible, when was the last time you slept?”

THE END ;-)