Someone was lying next to her. Instantly awake she opened her eyes and found herself staring into the brown eyes of her first officer.
“Chakotay?”
She should have said more. Should have demanded what the hell he was doing lying in her bed, demanded he leave at once. But she didn’t. She lay on her side and said his name, expecting him to answer all her questions. He did, sort of.
“Kathryn years ago I told you an ancient legend from my people. What you don't know is that there is a continuation to the legend. It didn’t end with the angry warrior finding peace.”
His voice was soft and loving but there was a distinct sound of sorrow in his voice that didn’t escape Kathryn.’
“It didn’t”?
“No. Do you want to hear the continuation?”
“Yes.” Kathryn whispered.
“Well the angry warrior had found peace. But the peace made is mind lazy. And he soon forgot parts of who he was, his heritage. As time went by he forgot what wanted.
He still loved the warrior woman but became unsure and lazy. And he didn’t show her his love. The warrior woman slowly began to question his love, and he began to forget it.
Then long into their journey...something happened that made the angry warrior wake up. There was an event among another member of the tribe that shook him. It woke him from his sleep and he looked at the tribe member differently.
During this time the angry warrior was feeling old and tired and he felt very much alone. The other tribal member helped alleviate some of his loneliness and he was grateful for that.
But still he was lazy, and he was blind. He had only had to look at the woman warrior he loved to remember, and bring to life, the love they shared.”
Chakotay silenced for a minute, trying to collect himself. Kathryn was looking at him with tears in her eyes and he willed himself to continue.
“As time went on the other tribal member grew more and more persistent and the angry warrior, who once had been so wilful and sure, was now uncertain of the actions he was to take. Not even his animal guide would help in his decision-making.
So the angry warrior gave in to the tribal member and joined with her. He would never truly understand why.
But he soon found that nothing got better. In fact things got worse. The peace he had found years earlier through the woman warrior was lost and he didn’t know how to find it again.”
Chakotay silenced again. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath, bracing himself once again. He felt the soft touch of Kathryn’s hand on his cheek and gave her a sad smile and continued.
“Then one day, while out hunting, the angry warrior was faced with a disaster. His love, the reason for his living, was in danger. And for the first time in a long time he was the man of action he had once been.
He was able to save his love. But...he lost the one he was supposed to love, the one everyone thought was his love. He lost his tribal member, but in reality he didn’t really loose much, and the guilt of that nearly destroyed him.”
The room filled with silence. Tears were running down both their eyes. They were sitting up now; Chakotay was resting his back against the headboard. His arms wrapped around Kathryn as he told her his story with a low voice.
"Life was hard for the two warriors after that. Both of them were devoted to the success of their tribe and the memories of the past were painful for both of them.
But the angry warrior knew that there was one thing that would make his love happy, that would make her smile again. And that became his new goal. He set about with renewed energy to make her smile. He wanted to see her radiant smile as they reached their goal. But as his plans drew close he knew without a doubt that he would be satisfied with knowing that their goal had been reached. And that he wouldn’t be able to see it.”
Kathryn was sitting up now looking at him with a worried look. What is he talking about? She wondered. Her second thought was He’s scaring me.
Chakotay smiled at her, knowing she had questions he would not answer. He settled with cupping her face in his hand and bringing their lips together. Kathryn saw it coming the second before it was reality. She tensed for a fraction of a second and then relaxed into the kiss. He deepened the kiss and Kathryn responded in kind, wrapping her arms around his neck. She caressed his lips with her tongue asking for entrance, which he granted and opened his mouth to her, letting their tongues duel back and forth in their mouths.
There were no warning signs flashing in Kathryn’s head as their clothing was discarded. No wondering or hesitating as his hands travelled across her body. No guilt or doubt as she kissed every part of his body she could reach.
The only thing she saw was Chakotay. The only sounds she heard were their groans and sighs, interspersed with declarations of love.
+ + + + + + + + + +
When she woke up an hour later he was gone. On the pillow beside her lay a red rose and a hand written letter.
It read;
Kathryn,
By the time you are reading this I have gone. Don't come after me and don't try to stop me. It won’t do any good. This is how it has to be.
Oh Kathryn if only I had the power to go back in time, to make all the bad decisions undone, to give us a second chance. I wish I had that power, that ability. There are so many things I regret, so many things I wish I had done or said back then. This is my way of dealing with it. You may think me selfish or stupid. Maybe I am but let me give you this Kathryn.
And always remember, you are my love. Whenever you feel lonely just think of me and I will be there. My spirit will always be with you, wherever you are.
And one day we will meet again, in the spirit world where we can be together.
In the meantime be well my love and try not to be too sad. Think of the good times and when you remember me, do so with a smile.
Yours forever, Chakotay
And Kathryn collapsed onto the bed and cried. She cried for all the wrong doings, for all the silence, for all the hurt they had caused each other. But most of all she cried about the unfairness of it all.
+ + + + + + + + + +
Two weeks later Kathryn stood by the grave of her friend and her lover; Chakotay.
The ceremony had been jam-packed. The entire crew plus dozens of other guests had been there to honour Chakotay. But now it was only she who was left, staring at the simple stone she had chosen for him.
There had been many questions from the brass at Starfleet as to how Chakotay had gotten Voyager home. No one could really answer very many of the questions. All they knew was that Chakotay had taken a shuttle and undetected flown it to a nearby moon.
What happened on the moon was a subject of debate but the probable action was this; Chakotay arrived there and made a deal with a questionable character with which he had been in contact with once before. The character produced the device, which was needed to build the artificial wormhole.
Chakotay had then taken the shuttle away from the moon and proceeded to generate the wormhole making sure it opened on top of Voyager, leaving the crew no chance to debate the issue.
He would stay behind and hold off the aliens. The aliens who would try to follow Voyager and destroy the ship and crew for opening a wormhole in their territory.
That’s how it went. And he was viewed a hero by the entire Federation.
Kathryn wiped a tear away from her eye and left the grave. One thought echoing in her mind; a passage from his letter, a letter she kept with her always; if only I had the power to go back in time, to make all the bad decisions undone, to give us a second chance.
Go back in time...give us a second chance. That was what he had wanted. That’s what would occupy her mind. It would haunt her dreams.
It wasn’t until many years later that she would give that gift to him. That she was able to do it for the two of them.
THE END
