Who Will Say Goodbye?

When all this is over, who will be the one to say goodbye?
Will I be the one, like so many times before, or will he be too tired to do anything but.
Will we have time to talk or will it be rushed between meetings, each of us hurrying in opposite directions trying not to let our pain show. Will I cry?
Will he?
Will he call me by my name?
I imagine him whispering “Kathryn” and then lightly touching my cheek.
Will that break me?
Will anything other than protocol shatter me?
Will he try to make it easier for me, just like he has about everything through the years.
Will I remember the good times we´ve had or the bad?
I steal a glance at him sitting next to me he´s staring in front of him out into space, I wonder what he is thinking of.
Is he thinking of me?
Why do we have to say goodbye at all?
He turns is head and smiles at me, his dimples are showing.
I love that smile
I love him
I can´t say goodbye to him
I need him in my life, how did I ever manage before?
I feel myself wanting to know what he looks like asleep, the feel of his body pressed against mine.
What he looks like when he comes, what he tastes like…
I wonder if he wonders the same about me.
We´re staring at eachother
His smile has faded and there is something in his eyes, is it love?
I swallow the lump in my throat and try to project all me feelings, hopes and wants through my eyes.
He understands
I´m standing.
I manage to ask to see him in my ready room. I hope it sounds ordinary.
I walk quickly, he is right behind me.
I´m standing with my back towards the door, as soon as I hear it close I lunge at him and press him against the wall.
So this is what his lips and body feel like against mine…. wonderful.


END

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The Kathryn and Chakotay Universe