Summer 1998
Wandering
Summer 1998
Ode to an Asshole
Summer 1998
Searching
Summer 1998
Fear of a Lost Friendship
We sit together yet say nothing
We're afraid to speak
What will we do now
Just say it
A change
Winter 1997
Alone
Oct. 16, 1997
Another Ode
Nov. 7, 1997
Links through my site
main page
First Class
You know the way that mountains look on a map?
Have you ever wondered how they got that way?
I know
There's those men who invented airplanes
and I happened to find myself on one one day
and as I was flying over God's country
I awoke and saw below me the most beautiful sight
mountains
mountains growing out of the ground
mountains burning my eyes with the wonderful sight
I am in heaven
And as I pass throught the clouds
I begin to realize that everything looks the same
the clouds look like the snow covered mountains
below when I fly in December or January
and I wouldn't know the difference
if I were flying home for Christmas
or back to school for fall semester if the temperature stayed the same
but of course, it doesn't
and I sit here in the "by chance first class seat"
wondering what I would have had for breakfast
if I hadn't been offered this seat
I'll leave that subject now
because I don't know what would have been better
a bagel with cream cheese
or the quiche lorrain with too less salt
in the eggs that I had
the two men in front of me think they are funny
and are too loud
the man next to me just finished playing with his
mechanic day planner
and is snoring now
the stewardesses refuse to smile
and refuse to take my tray
so I am forced to write in the most uncomfortable position ever
I thought they said first class
was the best seat in the plane?
I think they lied
because my my food was late
had too less salt
was cold
they refuse to take my tray
I'm cold
the men in front of me are loud
the man next to me is rich
and then there is me
the writer
the quiet, dirt poor college student
trying to make her way back to Sioux Falls
to work her ass off only to make minimum wage
and get screwed over by every man she meets
Life is rough
but I'm having a hell of a fun time getting through it
first class may not be the best
but that's where I'm stuck
with everyone behind me
jealous of my life--
thinking I've got it the best
little do they know
I am no different than them
Wandering through life
with no real direction
except for the fact
that I know what I want...
to be truly happy
because right now I'm really not
I want that sweetheart of a man
that will never call...
or the one who has already found
the girl of his dreams
and it's not me
because he never
gave me a chance
because if he had or still would
I could truly make
him happy
forever
with
me.
Yeah, I can handle the truth
but this time it came to late
you had given me attention
among some other petty things
but you took some stuff from me
and who knows if I'll get it back
the attention's gone forever
and my happiness for longer
you can't give me you love
and you refused to take my love
so now I feel no worth
I feel no remorse
and even worse
I do feel pain
you lured me in
and used your eastern charm
to take me somewhere I've never been
I have finally come back to reality
and realized that your looks and flirtatious moves
as well as your eastern charm
was all a load of bullshit
and you are just another asshole.
So it's another sad, sad story
about the girl who falls for the guy
that's not from around here
and of course
he broke her heart
by moving on to another
more beautiful girl
but who really cares?
just because one guy is a jerk
does that mean they all are?
maybe not
but I haven't met that nice guy yet
the one that takes your number
and swears to call you so you can go out
those guys don't exist
because if they actually called
then they might actually fall for a girl
and that would be wrong for the gender
until the jerks of the world straighten up
then all will be single
searching
for a soulmate
at least
I will be
When I look at you
I see myself
how much I've changed
and how much I've stayed the same
because we've both become new people
and we have nothing to say
and tell new stories
there's a fear of not saying the right thing
a fear of what we will say
sit and reminisce
or tell what's really happening now
will you laugh
or will you cry
because we both see
how different we are
and don't know how to be the friends we once were
a new experience
our friendship is challenged
but is it broken?
I will not let go
will you?
I've had this feeling before
the one where I feel lost and alone
and no one understands
and I'm not exactly sure if I want them to.
When I am with you,
my heart opens
and I feel that I can share
anything.
But I don't
because
I am scared.
I am scared that the words
that come from my mouth
will not make sense
and you will think I am incomptetent
and
in love.
And I am.
When I am with you
I feel special.
I am the only one alive in your eyes
and you are the only one alive in my eyes.
Together,
we are
alone
but not lonely.
Soon, you will leave
and I will once again be alone.
I will need to talk
and you will not be there
I will need to cry
and you will not be there
I will need you
and you will not be there.
As the sun goes down,
and the shadows appear,
I think of how it would be if I had you near
and close to my heart like I want you to be
but you do not come and I won't see you
until you decide to be a man and listen
listen to the things I have to say
and don't ask me questions until I am finished
let me speak and let out my frustrations
let's have an "intelligent conversation"
like you said is impossible with me
you do not know me
you do not know what makes me angry and upset
and you certainly don't know what makes me cry
you don't try to be my friend
you only take and do not give your friendship
to others unless they are worthy of your companionship
I obviously was not
I am a woman and I have feelings
and they get hurt by men like you.
all about me, with pics
some of my favorite musicians
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pictures of some of my friends
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