Standard disclaimers for Digimon Adventure 01 and 02 apply. Don’t own ‘em, never will, and if I did the world would run away screaming. In other words, suing me would be like trying to turn chocolate into lead: a pointless and wasteful endeavour. ‘Strawberry Kiss Kiss’ is sung by Matsuoka Hideaki and is from CLAMP’s Tokyo Babylon.
Warnings: Some language, not much though; this is one of my fluffier fics. I’m a big Digimon Kaiser fan ::Mina jumps up waves her little flag that says ‘Go, Kaiser!’:: so this is mostly about the adorable Ken-kun—well, and Daisuke, since he’s right up there with Ken as my favourite 02 character. But, like every fic I’ve ever written except one to-date, this is shounen ai. After watching quite a bit of Digimon 02, coming across a gorgeous fan picture by Rensuko entitled “Kensuke” (which automatically had me squeaking “Wai! Wai!” at the top of my lungs), and then stopping to type up the words for ‘Strawberry Kiss Kiss,’ I couldn’t help but write this. ::shrug:: Blame the muse.
K’lendel: Naa, Kaachan, you’re always doing that!
::grin:: Isn’t that what muses are for?
The stars sparkled brightly in the clear night sky, but Motomiya Daisuke wasn’t looking up at them. As a matter of fact, he wasn’t really looking anywhere at all. He was walking down the street aimlessly, hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets. He was lost in thought—lost very deeply in thought—and he wasn’t really certain what had brought about his pensive mood.
Part of it had been Jun; she’d been wailing since the end of the school day about how cruel it was that her Yamato-sama would rather spend time with his big haired best friend than with a pretty, eligible girl like her. Daisuke had had to bite back a snicker at her comment; he just didn’t have the heart to tell his spastic sister that her hair was just as big as Taichi’s, if not more so. He also didn’t have the heart to point out what was right in front of everyone’s face: Yamato was taken, and had been taken for three years.
Had his sister been more of a sympathetic soul, Daisuke might have felt sorry for her; she really was putting herself through a pointless ordeal. But Jun could be rather self-absorbed when she was focused on her problems, and he wasn’t about to enlighten her as to Taichi and Yamato’s relationship.
“What about my problems?” he muttered, kicking at a loose rock and sending it skidding across the broken pavement. “I mean, it’s not like she ever notices that I have problems too. She probably doesn’t even remember what it was like being in the sixth grade—or what it was like to be twelve.”
Sighing, Daisuke stopped to lean against a building, hiding in the shadows just outside the circle of light provided by the street lamp. In many ways he looked up to Taichi and Yamato. Not just because they had been Chosen Children before him, and not just because Taichi had thought well enough of him to pass on his goggles and his responsibility as the leader of the Chosen Children to Daisuke. It was more because of…
Well, perhaps it was better to say that he envied Taichi and Yamato. He knew that they hadn’t always been friends—Koushirou had told him that the two boys had fought three to four times as worse as he fought with Takeru, back when the original Chosen Children had been starting out. But he also knew from the two boys themselves that they had felt they were friends long before any of the others had. Daisuke knew that they were also much more than mere friends. They’d known since they’d been eleven years old that they were something special to each other.
One of Yamato’s favourite stories to tell was about how he had once found Taichi talking to himself out on the soccer field, completely oblivious to what was going on around him. The brunette had been railing at himself for avoiding Yamato all week—which was a big part of the reason the blonde had sought him out in the first place. But Taichi had been doing such a good job of yelling at himself that Yamato had simply stood and listened. And that had been the start of something more for the two of them. Yamato would never say anything more than that, only that sometimes the people that fight the hardest, love the hardest.
Scowling, Daisuke crossed his arms over his chest, bowing his head as he thought about that. If the people that fought the hardest loved the hardest… He shuddered, imagining himself in a relationship with Takaishi Takeru. All he had ever really wanted was to be Takeru’s friend—he still wanted that, and very badly too. But he’d never had an easy time relating with others—with Jun’s abrasiveness his only example, he’d naturally thought that was the way he was supposed to be. It wasn’t as if his sister didn’t have friends—she had so many it seemed that Daisuke was surprised that she could remember all their names—but apparently the “attitude,” as it had been so dubbed, worked for girls a lot better than it did for boys.
Why is it that no one can see…? His thoughts trailed off, and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the cool brick of the building. I act the way I do because I’m afraid of getting hurt. I mean, it’s not like I’ve had a lot of positive relationships in my life or anything—Jun’s busy with her own life, and Kaachan and Tousan are away on business a lot. And you’d think with Hikari and Takeru, as well as their brothers, having been Chosen Children before me that they’d understand how hard it is for me. First it was gaining the Digimental of Courage; that was hard enough to deal with because Taichi-sempai felt that it signalled he should pass the leadership on to me. I don’t think that I’m cut out for it, truly, but I’ll do it because I think I’m the only one stubborn enough to keep things from falling apart. Sure, Takeru has his Hope, but Hope can only carry you so far.
Pushing away from the wall, Daisuke shoved his hands back into his pockets and began to shuffle down the sidewalk again. He had no idea how long he’d been walking for, but it must have been for a while; he’d already reached the center of Odaiba. Not that he really took an opportunity to look around or even to think about returning home. He still had a lot of things to work out, things that he wasn’t certain he could work out on his own, but he was willing to give it a try.
Okay, so having the Digimental of Courage was hard. But then I had to go and somehow earn the Digimental of Friendship as well. I still don’t know why it came to me—any of the others are much more suited to bearing it than I. Still, no one seems to see the kind of pressure I feel I’m under, the kind of expectations I have to deal with, both from them and myself. Bearing two Digimental—especially the Digimental with Taichi’s and Yamato’s crests—is hard for me to do alone. I won’t even get started on how I feel about having the Golden Digimental of Miracles. And no matter how much they tell me otherwise, I know I’m alone. They don’t want to be my friends, not the way I want them to. They don’t want to get to know the real me…and so I don’t let them. To them, I’m nothing more than brash, bullying, obnoxious Motomiya Daisuke.
I can’t help but wishing, though, that there was someone that would be my friend. Like Veemon, but a human. It seems silly, but I can’t really help it. Veemon is and always will be my first and best friend. But it’s just not the same as having a human friend, someone that I can confide my secrets in, someone that won’t mind if I break down, someone that won’t yell and be disappointed when I stumble. I had thought Miyako was that friend, but then… Well, other things came along for her, I guess.
Daisuke laughed at that last thought, sighing as he closed his eyes. Does such a person truly exist? he wondered cynically. Not opening his eyes, he rounded the next corner—
—and instantly regretted his decision as he quite literally ran into someone. With a small cry as their heads cracked together, Daisuke found himself sprawled on his backside in a rather undignified position. The sidewalk was much too hard for his comfort, he decided dazedly; he was going to have to think about the merit of pillow-covered sidewalks as soon as the scenery stopped spinning. He groaned, shaking his head and reaching up to gently touch the tender spot on his forehead. Wincing he drew his hand back and decided not to try that again any time soon.
“I’m sorry,” he heard a soft, vaguely familiar voice murmur, sounding painfully close to tears. “I…I…”—there was a small sniffle as Daisuke tried desperately to get his vision to behave— “…I’m so sorry!”
Peering into the darkness, Daisuke could make out the slight form prostrated in front of him on the sidewalk, dark head bowed. But Daisuke didn’t have to see his face to know who it was he had run into; he would recognize that voice for the rest of his life. The last time they had met, however, had been nothing short of a tragedy. He had no idea what to expect from this boy, no idea how he would react. When he had run out at their last meeting, turning aside Daisuke’s sincere offer of help, the genki boy had been worried that he’d never see this equally confusing and confused person again. Daisuke had wanted to follow, to make sure that he’d at least made it home, but the other Chosen Children had convinced him not to. ‘It’s safer this way,’ they had said, as if speaking with one mind. ‘We still don’t know if he really is good or not. He could revert at any time, and then where would we be?’
Smiling humourlessly, Daisuke’s gaze softened as he looked at the boy, who was continuing to mutter his lightly sobbed apologies. Who would have thought that he’d have a chance run in with him on the night when deep thoughts had driven Daisuke from his home? He briefly wondered what he was doing so far away from Tamachi, but then pushed the thought aside. Tentatively, he reached out a hand and gently touched the boy’s shuddering shoulder, trying to gain his attention.
The boy jerked upright as if he’d been slapped, nearly shoulder-length ebony hair flying around his face. His cheeks were tear-stained, and his lips trembled as he fought for the control he’d been infamous for. But Daisuke took one look into those wide, angular lavender eyes—such sad, hurting eyes!—and knew that no matter what the others thought, the boy deserved help.
Daisuke reached out a bare hand, smoothing the hair back from his face, wiping ineffectually at the rivulets of salty water that continued to drip from those wounded eyes. “I don’t care if you don’t want help,” he said quietly, mustering all of the quavering courage he could find in his heart and soul as he prepared to do what was probably going to be the scariest thing he’d ever do. “It’s been a week since I last saw you—I was worried that you wouldn’t make it back. I thought you were a wreck then, but now… Dammit, Ichijouji-kun, I’m going to help you whether you like it or not!”
Ichijouji Ken gasped, looking up in surprise. His eyes held so many questions, questions that he would never have the answers for no matter how hard he searched. “Why?” he asked hoarsely, tears falling from his dark lashes as he closed his eyes. “I don’t deserve it… Why would you, after all I’ve done, want to help me?”
Clenching his jaw, Daisuke tried to think of anything he could say before it came down to physically manhandling the former Digimon Kaiser to get through to him. There was a chance…it was a slim chance, but he thought it might work. It wasn’t as if he had a lot of experience in the department or anything, but he had a feeling that they had more in common than just soccer and the Digitalworld. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Because right now I need a friend—a real friend—just as much as you do.”
Ken froze at those words, his eyes going wide. He looked up at Daisuke hesitantly, fear written all over his much too pretty face. “Friends? You and I…?”
Daisuke nodded solemnly, trying to silently convey to his racing heart that it was okay to slow down to a normal pace. “I— Maybe I didn’t have the same problems as you, Ichijouji-kun, but I did have my own. And I still have my problems, just as you still do.”
“But you have friends,” Ken whispered in disbelief, wondering dazedly if he was still in his bed dreaming. Why would someone like this boy, Daisuke, the leader of the Chosen Children, want to be his friend? Maybe, in the past, he had entertained dreams of such a thing, but his desire to dominate the Digitalworld, to dominate the one person he saw as an ultimate threat to his control, as being stronger than himself, had ruled out that possibility.
“Not really,” Daisuke replied with a wry smile, voice tinged with an edge of hurt as he made that statement. “You see, Takeru and Hikari-chan were members of the original Chosen Children—they’ve been doing this a lot longer than I have, and I think they’re worried that I’ll really screw things up. I don’t blame them; I mean, I do get a little overeager, and I don’t always think things through—and I do have a really bad temper,” he added with faint blush. “But they’ve got each other, and that’s almost all that they seem to need, outside of their families. Miyako and Iori each have their own interests, as well as many friends that they do activities with. Hell, Miyako is constantly trying to tutor in chemistry just so she can blow up a few more sinks and Bunsen burners! And the sad part is, people let her tutor them, because they like her.”
He looked away, drawing his hands back to himself self-consciously. “I guess I have my family, but I don’t think they really understand what it’s like. I can’t let them know that I’m a Chosen Child, just as I can never get up the courage to truly tell my sister how mad her recent selfishness makes me. Jun is a pretty nice person, deep down, but she hurts me so bad because she doesn’t want to get to know me anymore, to understand me. I wanted a relationship with my sister like the one Yamato and Takeru share, or like the one that Taichi and Hikari share, so badly when I was little. But I never got it, because I was just little, obnoxious Daisuke.” He snorted, shaking his head. “No one has ever bothered to ask why I’m that way, though.”
Turning back to Ken, he swallowed the lump that had suddenly filled his throat. “I don’t want it to be that way for you, Ichijouji-kun—Ken. I don’t want you to have to deal with those kinds of things on your own. Because it’s hard, because it hurts so damn bad, and because it’s not fair. No one deserves that,” he added softly.
Ken’s eyes searched Daisuke’s shuttered face, wondering what had come over the usually cocky and collected-if-not-calm leader of the new Chosen Children. Did he really share so much in common with this boy who had seemed so alien because of his genki radiance? Those large smoky-brown eyes were dark with some emotion that he couldn’t name—perhaps because he was still searching for his soul—but he knew that it made him feel safe; safer than he had since he had stolen his Digivice from Osamu’s desk and entered the Digital World for the first time. He wanted to believe what those eyes offered so badly…
“Please?” Daisuke asked, holding out his hand. “I can’t ask you for a second chance, Ken, because I never had a first. But I’d like to have a first chance at being your friend.”
Blinking back another trail of tears—he hated that he’d been crying so much—Ken accepted that offered hand with his own, giving the brunette a tentative smile. At the moment, he had nothing else to hold onto other than what those eyes held. “I think I’d like that,” he whispered.
I’m gonna believe in your eyes
So please don’t say love is blind
I wanna be reading your mind
In secret communication
Daisuke smiled, sighing in relief. “In that case, I’m going to pick both of our sorry asses up off this cold cement. And then I suggest that we find some place a little better than a street corner to talk.”
Laughing briefly at his words, Ken nodded. “All right.” He let Daisuke help him to his feet, clutching at the boy’s arms as a sudden wave of dizziness hit.
“You okay?” Daisuke asked with concern, eyebrows drawn together in a worried frown.
Again Ken nodded, smiling. It felt strange to have someone ask him that and genuinely care about the answer, but it was a good type of strange feeling. “Just stood up too fast,” he said, tucking his hair back behind his ears.
Grimacing, Daisuke said, “Good thing I was here. The last time that happened to me, I reached for the nearest thing to hang onto and the nearest thing got pissed and moved. Next thing I knew I was kissing some really rocky road and it did not taste good.”
“Takeru?” Ken asked, cocking his head to the side. His faint smile was still in place, and the tears had finally ceased.
“No, Hikari-chan,” Daisuke said with a sigh. Then he brightened considerably, shoving the bad memories from his mind for the moment. “Naa, I know this ice cream place that’s not too far away. Taichi-sempai took me there the first time, and we meet there every now and then to discuss what’s going on in the Digitalworld. It’s got world-class ice cream.”
Ken bit his lip, looking away. He really didn’t feel like dealing with a large number of people, not in the state of emotional turbulence he was in, but… Glancing up he found Daisuke giving him a nearly perfect rendition of the “poor puppy” expression—quivering lip, glistening eyes, and all—and he suddenly felt like laughing. He tried to bite it back, but a small giggle escaped nonetheless. “Okay, okay!” he said in agreement, feeling that strange feeling once again as Daisuke beamed at him and splayed his fingers in a victory sign.
“I’m telling you, Ken, you didn’t stand a chance,” Daisuke told him with a poke to the tip of the black haired boy’s nose. “That look is probably the only reason people notice my existence. Well, unless I’m doing something that I probably shouldn’t. I always get noticed then.”
Blushing from the poke on the nose, Ken asked lightly, “And how many years did you have to spend in front of the mirror practising that expression?”
Daisuke’s grin only grew as he latched onto Ken’s arm and began to drag the boy with him down the sidewalk. “Why, I was born with the ability to make that face,” he replied, casting a sly look at Ken. “Just like I was born with the ability to be obnoxious.”
Laughing, Ken shook his head, feeling better than he had in… He couldn’t remember when he’d last felt this good, but he thought it might have been before Osamu had died. “You’re not obnoxious, Motomiya-kun,” he said, “you just try too hard.”
Coming to a nearly screeching halt, Daisuke turned and look at the black haired boy with wide eyes. “Do you really think that’s what it is?” he asked softly. “Is it because I try too hard? I always thought… Well, I always figured with the comments people have made that it was because I didn’t try hard enough.”
“I know it is.” Ken took a dare and returned the previous insult, poking Daisuke on the tip of the nose for emphasis. “Trying too hard… In some ways, it can be worse than not trying hard enough. I think…I think that it was because I tried too hard to be what and who I wasn’t that I became the monster you met in the Digitalworld.” His expression turned pensive, his eyes becoming shuttered once again as he reflected yet again on all of the bad things he had done in the Digitalworld as the Kaiser.
“Oi!” Daisuke said sharply, giving him a small shake. Some semblance of lucidity returned to Ken’s eyes, but the hurt lingered like a festering sore. “I also met, for the first time, someone that got screwed over even worse than the rest of us did. I met someone that was supposed to be kind and gentle and had been turned into someone that was his complete opposite. We all have our past mistakes to make up for, Ken—yes, maybe yours will be a little harder to make up than some—but all you have to do is ask and I will help you.”
Again Ken looked into Daisuke’s eyes for the answer, and again he came up with the same one; those eyes wanted him to believe. And he wanted to believe, he needed to believe. A small shudder wracking his body, Ken managed to smile faintly after a moment. “I don’t quite think I’m ready yet,” he said. “To ask for help, I mean. There’s still something that I need to find before then, something that I’m looking for. But I think that I do need you as a friend, Daisuke, just because I need something to anchor me in reality right now.”
Daisuke nodded, expression sagely. “I see. You are merely using me for your own purposes and then you shall discard me on the wind like yesterday’s laundry.” Sighing, he declared, “What is the purpose of this love if it shall all be for naught? My lady fair seeks only to reap her own gains!”
For a moment, Ken thought Daisuke was serious, and he panicked. But then he caught a hint of something in those smoky-brown eyes, something madcap that spoke of anything but seriousness. Ken narrowed his eyes, glaring at the brunette for all he was worth. “I should hit you with a large, blunt object for that comment,” he said. “Lady fair? Where’d you get that from?!”
Daisuke didn’t reply right away; he simply grabbed up Ken’s hand again and resumed their walk towards the ice cream parlour. After a moment he began to laugh, shaking his head. He looked over at Ken, who by that time had a slim black eyebrow arched in query. “Gomen, Ken, because I mean this in the nicest way possible, but have you ever taken a really good look at yourself in the mirror? I mean, up until I met you I thought that Yamato had a slight case of overly feminine features and habits. Ken, you’re just really too pretty for a guy.”
Both eyebrows went up at that. Pretty? he thought. Boys aren’t pretty! But…Daisuke thinks I’m pretty. “What if I cut my hair?” he asked after he thought for a moment.
His reply was a look that said he’d grown horns, sprouted wings, and was dancing a reel all on his own. “I think that even if you were to cut your hair you’d still be too pretty,” Daisuke said in a choked voice. “Although, if you do cut your, I might consider disowning you.”
Blue-violet eyes blinked a few times in surprise. “Disown me? You’d do that just because I cut my hair?” Ken asked in disbelief.
Grinning humourlessly, Daisuke said, “Ken, your hair is one of your defining features. If you cut it, you just wouldn’t look like you. Well, you wouldn’t look like you you.”
“Motomiya-kun, that made absolutely no logical sense,” Ken pointed out, the corners of his lips twitching in humour anyway.
“Since when have I ever been logical?” the second leader of the Chosen Children muttered, wondering himself just what it was he had been trying to say. Why had he felt so disturbed by the thought of Ken’s hair being cut? Was it because he was worried that shorter hair would make the boy resemble the Kaiser, or was it because of something else?
Seeing that the brunette was rather wrapped up in his own thoughts, Ken shyly grasped the boy’s wrist in his hand and tugged, indicating that they should continued walking. “It’s okay to not be logical,” he said, gazing at the people that suddenly began to appear. They were entering a much more crowded section of Odaiba, and his earlier feelings of apprehension were returning. “Sometimes, things just aren’t logical no matter how hard you try to make them that way.”
Out of nowhere, Daisuke suddenly spoke up and asked, “So what’s your favourite drink? Tea, soda, water, fruit juice—what?”
Ken thought about it for a moment, not noticing that his grip had slipped and he was now clasping Daisuke’s hand. “I’d have to say lemonade. It’s kind of tart, but at the same time, it’s sweet.” Kind of like you, he thought, flushing as his mind made the comparison.
“Mine’s fruit juice, especially anything with cherry, raspberry, blackberry, or yuzu,” Daisuke said with a grin. “And if they ever manage to put all four into a drink, I’ll be the first in line to buy it.”
Surprised, Ken said softly as if he were talking to himself, “That’s funny. I had you pegged for a soda person. I mean, you practically radiate that ‘I’ve had nothing but pure, liquid sugar to subsist on for the last twenty-four hours’ theory.”
Daisuke snorted, saying loftily, “You’re just jealous that I’m so genki.”
Smiling sadly, Ken said, “Maybe I am.”
The brunette frowned at that. “Naa, it’s not like I’m the only ultra-genki person in the world. I mean, there’s lots of people out there that are a lot more hyper and happy than I am.”
Ken shook his head, black bangs slipping into bright blue eyes. “No, Daisuke, you’re definitely one of a kind,” he stated with a smile.
Blushing, Daisuke thought about denying it, but when he saw the look on Ken’s face, he decided to let the matter slide. As it was, he was trying to figure out why he felt so happy when not all that long ago he’d been utterly depressed. Was it simply because he and Ken had agreed to be friends, to work things out between them in order to help one another—or was it because Ken was holding his hand as if afraid that Daisuke might suddenly disappear? He certainly wasn’t going to complain; Ken looked far too peaceful at the moment, and he didn’t want to disturb him for fear that that peace would leave.
Smiling slightly, Ken had his head tipped to the side, his eyes half closed. He was determined to ignore the throngs of people that continued to grow despite the lateness of the hour. He also wanted to enjoy himself, something that he hadn’t truly done in a long time. “Well, if you’re a juice drinker, than you must get your sugar high from somewhere else.”
Daisuke grinned, holding up a finger to his lips. “Don’t tell any of the others this because it’s a secret, but I’m a complete Pocky addict. There’s a snack machine near the school and I swear I have the thing emptied by the second day it’s been refilled. Aneki is the only one that knows, and that’s just because she was trying to bribe me once and the only thing she had on hand was Ichigo Pocky.”
“Ichigo Pocky… Well, after hearing about what you like to drink, I can’t say I’m incredibly surprised,” Ken said with a small laugh.
“Well, what about you, Ken?” Daisuke asked, arching an eyebrow. “I’ve divulged my sweet weakness, so what’s yours?”
Did he have a sweet weakness? Ken wondered. He was having a hard time recalling, until he remembered the day his dad had brought home a bag of candy that a fellow worker had given him. “I guess it would have to be chocolate covered toffee.” Flushing faintly, he added, “I like the way it’s crunchy and sweet.”
Do you like toffee and lemonade?
It used to taste so good handmade
When all the smiles of yesterday
Are childhood conversations.
They walked together in silence, hands still clasped together though neither boy really seemed to have noticed; if they had, they weren’t saying anything about it. If the people out on the streets seemed to be paying an unusual amount of attention to them, Ken would duck his head and stick just a little bit closer to Daisuke. Daisuke, though, was oblivious to what the other people were doing, weaving between crowds easily.
Glancing sidewise at his companion, Ken wondered why he had acquiesced so easily. It hadn’t been the first time that Daisuke had made overtures towards him, but it had been the first time he’d given in. Was it just that he didn’t have the will to say no, or was it something else?
“You’re awfully quiet,” Daisuke said with a grin, tugging Ken after him as he turned the corner. “Is everything okay?”
Frowning in thought, Ken bit his lip. Was he okay? No, he wasn’t okay, but he had a feeling that Daisuke wasn’t referring to his psyche, at least not in this instance. Was he okay about being with Daisuke in the middle of Odaiba’s busiest section, holding hands with a boy who had been his hated enemy just scant weeks before? Surprisingly, with a small flush and a feeling of shock, he was.
“Un,” he responded, nodding his head. He turned, giving Daisuke a shy smile. “Everything’s just fine.”
After a few more moments of silence, Daisuke came to a stop. He pointed off to their left, turning to Ken. “That’s the ice cream place I was telling you about.” He bowed his head, shuffling his feet. When he looked up his cheeks were just a tad pink. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to go in. I know you’re not really comfortable with crowded places.”
Ken shook his head, squeezing the other boy’s hand gently. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine, and I’d kind of like to get ice cream with you.” Smiling, he added, “Besides, it’ll be the first normal thing I’ve done in a long time.”
Daisuke laughed at that, feeling as if some immeasurable weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “Normalcy is way overrated.”
“Well, then come on, abnormal one!” Ken said with a laugh, heading towards the ice cream parlour with Daisuke in tow. “Ice cream waits for no one, be they normal or not.”
Laughing as well, Daisuke raced to keep up with his new friend. They hit the doors at nearly the same time, pushing them open to the chime of overhead bells that matched their happiness.
“Welcome!” one of the counter girls called out, recognizing Daisuke from previous visits. She smiled and waved, pointing towards the board above her head once she knew she had his attention. “We just got in a new flavour, Motomiya-kun. I think you’ll like it very much.”
“Is that so?”
“It’s called ‘Death by Strawberries,’” she told him with a grin before turning to help the customer at the counter.
Shaking his head, Daisuke said with a laugh, “Death by strawberries? What a way to go!”
Unnoticed, Ken quietly observed Daisuke exuberant expression, storing away information, locking away deep into his heart the images. I want…
Please kiss kiss
Will anybody kiss me please?
Please please kiss kiss
Give me strawberry kisses please.
“Yaa, Daisuke, imagine running into you here!”
Looking up and dreading the worst as he recognised the voice that had hailed him, Daisuke struggled to fight off the panic that crept its way in at the initial sight of Yagami Taichi. He gave the older boy a pleading look, begging silently with his eyes for Taichi to not say anything. If any of the current Chosen Children had found him with Ken, he’d already be dead ten times over before he knew what had hit him. He hoped that Taichi would be more understanding.
Taichi’s golden-brown eyes—so much like Daisuke’s own—sparkled with amusement and the new leader of the Chosen Children feared the worst. Especially when Taichi grinned, his gaze dropping briefly to where Ken’s hand was clutching Daisuke’s. Ken himself was half-ducked behind Daisuke, pressed up against the other boy’s back, hoping to avoid being recognised.
However, to Daisuke’s relief, Taichi gave him a conspiratorial wink and, bless his War Greymon-size heart, played dumb. “Saa, Daisuke, who’s your friend?” the older boy asked, blinking his eyes expectantly.
Ken’s trembling ceased at that question. Warily he peeked out from behind Daisuke, still clutching the other boy’s hand as if it were a lifeline. Letting out a pent up sigh, Daisuke flashed Ken a reassuring grin before glancing back at Taichi. “This is Ichijouji Ken,” he said, hiding a grin as Taichi pretended to look bewildered.
“That name sounds familiar,” Taichi murmured, placing a finger against his chin and tapping his foot. “I know I’ve heard it from somewhere, I just can’t think of where. Oiii!” He grinned, eyes lighting up. “You’re the kid that’s on television all the time, the really smart one! Daisuke played your soccer team once.”
Flushing, Ken said, “Yeah. I have been on the television a couple of times.” He didn’t even mention the soccer game; that had been one of the strangest days in his life, even as the Kaiser. Even thinking about it now, he wasn’t exactly sure what had been going on in his head…or his heart, for that matter.
“So what are you guys doing here?” Taichi asked, continuing his “dumb” act.
Daisuke looked at him as if he were a few kilobytes short of a meg. “Getting ice cream,” he stated, arching an eyebrow. “This is the best place to get ice cream, after all, and it is an ice cream parlour.” Ken snickered softly beside him, biting his lip to keep from bursting into all-out laughter. Daisuke did have a point—a very valid and logical point.
Taichi’s eyes blinked several times, and then the boy smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand. “Oh…of course,” he muttered. “Guess I’ve been using the “ice cream” excuse for other things for too long.”
Glancing at Ken in confusion, Daisuke saw the black haired boy mirroring his expression. What could Taichi possibly be using the ice cream parlour as an excuse for? Unless…
Daisuke opened his mouth to speak his mind, but was beat to the punch by Ken. “What else is an ice cream parlour used for?” He was genuinely curious about what Taichi’s answer would be because, as far as he was concerned, there was no logical answer other than the obvious one.
Just then the door to the shop opened, they tiny bells over it chiming once again. The noise within slowly died down, and into that silence a girl all but screamed, “It’s Yamato!”
Turning, Daisuke saw that, yes, Ishida Yamato had just come in through the door. But Yamato was turned around just as the rest of them were, looking for “Yamato.” Turning back around, the blonde boy shrugged his shoulders with a confused expression that said ‘I don’t see whoever she’s screaming about. Do you see who she’s screaming about?’
The girl’s friend poked her on the shoulder and hissed, “Dummy! That’s not Yamato-sama!” Then she sighed, expression wistful. “Though he is really cute and there is a resemblance, I must admit. But Yamato-sama would never dress down like that.”
“So what are you two doing here?” Yamato asked as he made his way over, glancing between Daisuke and Ken. He was completely ignoring the attack on his chosen attire of ripped blue jeans and a faded Laruku t-shirt.
Daisuke was too busy snickering to reply, so Ken replied for them both. “We’re here to get ice cream,” the black haired boy said with a smile, helping his companion to stay upright.
“I see,” Yamato murmured, blinking his eyes as the statement processed in his mind.
Taichi laughed at his expression, slinging a companionable arm around his boyfriend’s waist. “Yeah, that was about my reaction too,” the brunette chuckled, leaning his head against the taller boy’s shoulder. “Guess we’ve been using the ‘I’m just going to go get ice cream’ excuse for a little too long.”
Smiling wryly, Yamato drawled, “Three years isn’t that long, Tai.”
Ken’s mind boggled as he pondered that. Taichi and Yamato had been together for three years—as a couple?!
I’m gonna become sunshine
And kiss everything in sight
You could be a star in the night
Just use your imagination
“You’re friend seems a little shocked, Daisuke-kun,” Yamato said, frowning as he looked at Ken. “Is everything all right?”
Sighing as he caught Yamato’s question, Ken shook his head. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? I think I just need to wear a sign that says ‘I’m above and beyond perfectly fine!’ on both the front and back.”
“I think Daisuke has one of those somewhere,” Taichi said, his eyes flashing with a teasing glint.
“That’s mean, Tai-sempai!” Daisuke did his best to look wounded, but ended up failing miserably. He tried to think of a better comeback, but wasn’t able to come up with anything.
However, Yamato was. With an air of complete innocence, he murmured, “Would that be the one he inherited from you, Taichi?”
Smiling sweetly up at his boyfriend, Taichi said in retaliation, “Yama-chan, do you want to be cut off for the rest of the month?”
As it was the first of the month, Yamato shook his head in horror.
“That’s what I thought.” Turning to Ken and Daisuke, he said, “Well, Yama and I have some stuff to talk about, so I guess we’ll see you later. Jaa!”
After the two older boys had left, Ken shook his head in bemusement. He’d never realised that the two older Chosen Children were an item. But then again…
Having a good idea of what Ken was thinking about, Daisuke said simply, “They keep each other sane.”
I’m only holding back the rain
So many rain drops so many pains
I want to find my train someday
As seasons go past the station
The two boys ordered their ice cream—Daisuke got his ‘Death by Strawberries,’ and Ken, who was feeling adventurous and perhaps a wee bit sugar suicidal, ordered something by the name of ‘Triple Chocolate Chunk’—and rather than stick around in the ice cream parlour, they headed for the park that was near the soccer field.
Kya, this sure brings back memories, Daisuke thought as his gaze wandered over the soccer field, illuminated by the almost full moon and the lights of the city. He nibbled on one of the strawberry chunks, glancing at his companion surreptitiously.
Ken was poking at a white chocolate chip balanced precariously on the top of his ice cream cone, expression rather intense. It was funny, he thought, seeing the black haired boy like this. Before he’d known that Ichijouji Ken was the Digimon Kaiser, there had only been one word that sprang to mind when thinking about the boy: envy.
In many ways he still was envious of Ken—at least, he was envious of Ken’s stunning intelligence and athleticism. But he now knew that that wasn’t all there was to Ken, just as he knew that the Ken beside him was fundamentally different from the Digimon Kaiser he and his fellow Chosen Children had fought so long and hard against.
“What are you thinking about?” Ken asked, noticing that his friend was lost deep in thought. He finally picked the chocolate chip off the top and popped it into his mouth, letting it melt in the warm recess.
“Lots of things.” Daisuke paused to catch a drip of sticky ice cream with his tongue before continuing. “Thinking about the past and the present, wondering what the future holds.”
Frowning, Ken stared hard at his ice cream. “Those are some weighty thoughts.”
Daisuke laughed, trying to dispel the tension he sensed building. “Naa, that’s probably why my thoughts haven’t gone very far. You know me, attention span of a fruit fly and memory of a rock.”
Silence fell between them, tense and uneasy. Daisuke knew that Ken had fallen into melancholy thoughts once again, but was unsure of how to bring him out of his depression. He didn’t really want to share his thoughts with Ken—mostly because they had been about the violet-eyed boy, and he wasn’t sure that Ken would understand. Hell, sometimes he wasn’t sure if he understood his thoughts towards his companion.
He envied Ken his ability to be tactful, his ease with speaking to others. He liked spending time with Ken, because it was the first time that he felt wanted, needed, in a very long time. He liked being with Ken because the boy put him at ease and didn’t make him feel like he had to be on guard all the time, didn’t make him feel as though he had to read between the lines his actions and words. There weren’t any masks, there were no barriers, there was no pretending between them—at least, not any that wasn’t easily seen through. And of course, it helped that Ken was easy on the eyes.
At that thought, smoke-brown eyes widened. Where had that come from? he wondered. Yes, Ken was quite pretty, but so was Yamato, and Daisuke had never felt the kind of strange fluttering in the pit of his stomach, had never felt his heart begin to race when thinking about or looking at Yamato. However, any time he thought about or looked at Ken, those strange sensations would visit him, leaving him feeling nervous and apprehensive.
Finishing the last of his ice cream cone, Ken hazarded a look at Daisuke, eyebrows arching when he saw the heated flush on the boy’s dark cheeks. What is he thinking about? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so embarrassed.
I wonder… Daisuke crunched nervously on the edge of his cone, his blush growing. I wonder what it’s like to be kissed. I’d always imagined Hikari-chan would be my first kiss, but I know that she doesn’t see me in that light—as much as it pains me to admit. As most young boys in the thro of their first love, Daisuke had often missed the subtle clues Hikari had been giving him, letting him know that she wasn’t interested. It hurt—he’d heard that your first love almost always ended in pain—but it wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t get past it.
He wondered why he was suddenly thinking about those things, about first kisses and first loves. And why was it that while out with Ken he had suddenly been able to admit to himself that he and Hikari were never meant to be?
Ken smiled softly to himself as he noticed that Daisuke wasn’t paying attention and had wandered off the sidewalk; the auburn haired boy was currently heading for a direct collision with a tree. Shaking his head, he licked the remnants of chocolate ice cream from his fingers and then snagged Daisuke’s sleeve. “Naa, dreamer boy, the sidewalk is this way.”
Daisuke blinked in surprise at the soft chastisement, blushing as he realized that he’d nearly become one with a rather large conifer. “Thanks, Ken.”
The black haired boy laughed. Daisuke looked so cute when he blushed. One of the things he had always admired about Daisuke, had always envied, was the ease with which Daisuke handled emotions. He was so open with them, and they seemed so right, displayed on his kind face.
He spotted a bench up ahead, set off the sidewalk under one of the lamps that lit the little park. “Let’s go sit up there. That way you won’t wander into hard, inanimate objects while you’re dreaming.”
Please kiss kiss
Will anybody kiss me please?
Please please kiss kiss
Like a strawberry colored dream
“Have you ever heard that there’s a fine line between love and hate?” Daisuke asked softly, looking up to where the moonlight filtered in through the trees. It was a nice bench, as far as benches went. The wood was cool to touch, but the solid object beneath him was a welcome comfort from walking.
“I think so,” Ken replied, taking a dare and resting his head against Daisuke’s shoulder. The whole night was beginning to seem almost surreal. Close proximity with the other boy was causing his heartbeat to speed up, but he wasn’t sure why that was. He wanted—almost needed—to touch Daisuke, to know that the boy was really there beside him, to know that the night hadn’t been conjured up by his wishful imagination. And that frightened him at the same time that it thrilled him.
I don’t ever remember liking to touch people like this, but touching Daisuke is nice. He’s safe…he doesn’t have grand expectations for me, he doesn’t expect me to be anyone other than myself.
“Do you believe that’s true? About love and hate, I mean.” Daisuke’s tone was wistful, as was the smile on his face.
Ken could smell strawberries, sweet and tangy in the cool night air. It reminded him of the ice cream that Daisuke had consumed earlier, and he flushed as his mind brought forth the image of the other boy’s tongue darting out to lap at the pink confection. “I d-don’t kn-know,” he murmured, stuttering in his nervousness. “I never r-really th-thought about it b-before.” He chaffed his hands up and down his arms, trying to ward off the chill of the night.
Daisuke glanced down to where Ken’s head rested against his shoulder, wondering what was causing the boy to blush. “Cold?” he asked, reaching his arm out without a thought and wrapping it around Ken’s thin shoulders.
The blush grew, but Ken didn’t try to toss off Daisuke’s arm. Instead, he smiled faintly and said, “Thanks.”
They sat in companionable silence for a while, content to merely enjoy the company of another. The only sounds that broke through the night air were the calls of owls, the distant sounds of late night city life, and the quiet breathing of the two boys.
“Why did you ask me that question?” Ken asked suddenly, his brows drawn together. He’d been turning the question over and over in his mind, trying to puzzle out why Daisuke had brought it up. Was it possible that Daisuke was making an allusion to their previous relationship versus the one they had just begun?
Shifting slightly, Daisuke sighed, closing his eyes. “I don’t know. I guess…sometimes I wonder why things have happened the way they have. I mean, I don’t think that I’ve done anything to deserve a friend like Veemon, yet I somehow got chosen to be a Chosen Child and to have him as my partner. Just like it seems I was the one chosen to give you the benefit of the doubt, to try and see past the Kaiser’s image. I can’t help but wonder why I’m the only one that can see that the Kaiser wasn’t you, why I’m the only one that knows you need to be forgiven so that you can eventually forgive yourself.”
Ken tensed, eyes going wide as he absorbed Daisuke’s words. How was it that this boy could know so much about him, know so much about what he felt deep inside, when they barely knew each other? And it was strange that Daisuke was the only one who seemed to notice those things about him, things that not even he had noticed until they were mentioned. He wanted to ask so many questions, but the one that tumbled free was, “Did you ever hate me?”
Daisuke chuckled quietly, eyes opening as he glanced down at Ken’s bowed head. He brought his hand up, almost absently combing his fingers through soft, black locks of hair. “I wanted to. I mean, when you went after my friends, when you tormented me with your psychological games, when you made me beg on my knees… I tried so hard, so many times to hate you the way the others seemed to. There were even times that I thought I’d succeeded, but then I’d realize that it wasn’t you I hated. I hated your actions, hated what you were doing, but I couldn’t seem to hate you. I guess, you could say, that I hated the Digimon Kaiser, but not Ichijouji Ken.”
“Why?” Ken asked softly, hugging his arms around his abdomen. Despite Daisuke’s arm around his shoulders, he suddenly felt cold and alone. It seemed essential, this understanding, but he wasn’t sure if he was going to like the answer. The strawberry scent continued to tumble around his senses, nearly overwhelming him yet anchoring him in reality.
“I don’t know,” Daisuke replied equally as soft, sensing that Ken was withdrawing from him. He wanted to grab the boy by the shoulders and shake him, to tell him that being alone wasn’t the answer. “Maybe it was because I could understand why… Maybe it was because I knew what it was like to act one way and feel another. Maybe it was because I uncovered the mask and realised that there was something more underneath.”
“Something more,” Ken repeated in a murmur, eyes narrowing as he thought about that. And maybe there was something more between them, something that he was only now beginning to realise enough to put into words. Sitting up, he turned to that he could look Daisuke full in the eyes. “Daisuke, if there is indeed a thin line between love and hate…”
“Yeah?” Daisuke said, blinking as he waited for the black haired boy to continue.
Licking his lips and gathering his courage, Ken continued. “If there truly is a thin line between love and hate, and if you don’t hate me, what do you feel for me? Pity?”
“Never,” Daisuke replied almost immediately, staring at Ken unflinchingly. “I know that you don’t want pity, and I know that if our roles were reversed I wouldn’t want it either.”
Dropping his gaze, Ken began to worry the hem of his shirt between his hands. “I need to know, Daisuke,” he said thickly. “What I feel for you… What I think I’ve always felt for you…”
Daisuke’s breath caught, his eyes going wide. Was it possible that Ken had seen past his surface question to the one that truly lay at the heart of it? And was it possible that Ken was trying to say that he felt the same thing? Reaching out a hand, he gently touched Ken’s cheek. “I don’t know if I can put into words what I feel,” he said sincerely. “I know that you’re special to me in a way that no one else is. And I know that you’ll always be special to me, that no one will ever feel the same to me in my heart as you do.”
Ken looked up, smiling brilliantly at Daisuke. The brunette had said that he couldn’t put it into words, but he had done a remarkable job anyway. His eyes were hooded as he licked his dry lips and said, “Then I guess I have just one more question.” He was feeling mischievous, and a bit devious as well. Now that he knew what he wanted to know, now that he knew just what it was he wanted, he had to make sure that he got it.
Trying hard not to stare at those glistening lips, Daisuke asked hoarsely, “Oh? And what’s that?” His heart was hammering in his chest, and he could feel a blush rising to his cheeks to rival the one that had graced Ken’s face earlier.
Ken pounced, and in a flurry of limbs and clothing, Daisuke found himself pinned on the ground, the grass cool beneath him. Ken’s eyes were shining brilliantly in the light, and the predatory smirk on his face was almost pure Kaiser. He lowered his face until it was mere centimetres away from Daisuke’s. His breath was a hot caress against the boy’s face as he whispered, “Will you kiss me, please?”
Not even realising that he was nodding, Daisuke’s hand came up to catch the nape of Ken’s neck, his fingers lacing into the long hair. Their lips touched the first time softly, hesitantly, almost experimentally. Ken’s lips were soft, yielding against his own deliciously, but it didn’t feel like it was enough. He caught Ken’s bottom lip between his teeth gently, tongue darting to wet the tempting flesh.
It was if that was what Ken had been waiting for. He pressed into the kiss, returning the favour in kind. He nipped at Daisuke’s mouth, tongue tracing the seam of closed lips, which yielded under his teasing. The texture of smooth teeth greeted him next, and then Daisuke’s mouth was fully open to him. His tongue darted in, tasting, testing, searching for and finding Daisuke’s own. Tongues met tentatively at first, Ken continuing to tease Daisuke until the other boy’s fingers curled tightly into Ken’s hair and he yanked the boy’s face even closer.
Mouth on mouth, giving and taking, tasting promises of things that already were and things that were to come. “Strawberry kisses,” Ken murmured when the kiss broke, trailing his fingers down Daisuke’s face.
“Only because of the strawberry ice cream,” Daisuke said with a small laugh, his face flushed. “If you don’t mind, Ken-chan, the ground is frickin’ cold!”
With a laugh, Ken rolled off Daisuke and rose to his feet. He reached a hand down to Daisuke, helping the boy up. “Wormmon and Mama were the only ones that ever called me “Ken-chan,”” he said.
Daisuke shook his head, returning to the bench. “Wrong. I’m calling you Ken-chan now, too.” He grinned, holding a hand out to Ken.
Ken didn’t need any further encouragement. He all but threw himself into Daisuke’s arms, curling his own around the brunette’s neck. He felt warm and safe, and unalone for the first time since his memories had become his own once again. Smiling happily, he tilted his head, looking into Daisuke’s eyes. “More strawberry kisses?” he asked, fingers teasing the back of Daisuke’s neck.
“I think we can arrange it,” Daisuke murmured as his lips met Ken’s half way.
Please kiss kiss
Will anybody kiss me please?
Please please kiss kiss
Give me strawberry kisses please
Seconds, minutes, hours later, the two boys simply sat together on the lonely little bench under the lamplight. “That was my first kiss,” Daisuke murmured, gaze dropping down to his hand. He’d laced his fingers together with Ken’s, and he didn’t feel like untangling them anytime soon. This connectedness, the rapport between them, felt right; it felt like something he’d unknowingly been looking for his whole life and had just found.
“It was mine too.” Ken smiled, leaning against Daisuke. “Thank you, Daisuke-kun.”
“For what?”
Ken closed his eyes and sighed in contentment. Maybe he wasn’t quite whole yet, but he was well on his way to recovery, and he knew that he wouldn’t have to make his journey alone. “For caring. You’re the first in a long time to care for me, for the real Ken. Wormmon did too, but I didn’t realize that until it was too late.”
Daisuke shifted, turning to catch Ken’s gaze. “About that, Ken. I don’t know if you realised it or not, but Digimon never die, they just get reconfigured. I remember Takeru once telling me about a place called Hajimeru no Machi in the Digitalworld where all digimon are born. Maybe, when you’re feeling better, you can go there and look for Wormmon.”
“Do…do you think I should?” Ken’s voice sounded soft and childish, extremely unsure, even to him.
“Why not?” Daisuke gently bumped his shoulder into Ken’s, giving the other boy a grin as he looked up. “Wormmon loved you, man. He loved you so much that he was willing to die in order to bring the real you back. Of course you should look for him. He’s probably waiting for you in Hajimeru no Machi, waiting for his Ken-chan to come find him so the two of you can be together again.”
“Is love really that strong?” Ken asked doubtfully.
Daisuke blinked. “For me it is. When I give my heart to something, it stays there.” He smiled, leaning in to kiss Ken on the cheek, earning a startled look from the other boy.
Touching his cheek, Ken smiled hesitantly in return. “Does this mean that I have your heart, Daisuke?” he asked shyly.
“Well, a piece of it. You’re kind of stuck sharing it with my family and Veemon.”
“I think I can handle that.”
There was a silence in which only the sound of the wind through the trees and the distant cars could be heard. The silence, however, was interrupted as Daisuke looked at his watch. “Ten o’clock?! Kaachan’s gonna kill me!”
Ken laughed and rose to his feet, dragging Daisuke with him. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.”
“Do I get a good night kiss at the door?” Daisuke asked impishly, feeling in better humour than he had in ages.
“We’ll see.” Ken smiled mysteriously, watching Daisuke from the corner of his vision as they began to retrace their steps. You’re still a puzzle to me, Motomiya Daisuke, but I think I’m beginning to unravel you. And the more of you I discover, the more I’m drawn to you.
Please kiss kiss
Will anybody kiss me please? Please!
Please please kiss kiss — Kiss kiss!
Like a strawberry colored dream
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