By Yelsha

Codes: C/K/A, angst,

Disclaimer: Paramount owns them, not me. I’m not making any money and I mean no copyright infringement.

Summary: A desperate act leads to great rewards.

~/\~

Harry Kim stood on the edge of a cliff. He knew that he was really just thirty meters from the floor but his eyes said it was thousands.

“Computer, disengage safeties.”

“Authorization required.”

Harry sighed and quietly gave his authorization. “Engage privacy lock to be disengaged in ten minutes.”

“Confirmed.”

Harry looked down again at the cliff. He and Tom used to climb this cliff for fun. There was an easy route to the top but they never seemed to take it.

Tom. He wasn’t going to be happy with him for doing this is but he couldn’t stop now.

“Computer, play back. __I Can Still Feel You__.”

It's that feeling that someone
Is standing behind me
And I turn around and there's no one there
And it's the sensation
That someone just whispered
Yeah and I still hear your voice but you're not really here
Your memory is like a ghost
And my heart is it's host

I can still feel you just as close as skin
Every now and then
All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched
With your love no one gets close to
I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you

You said you'd love me forever
Then you said it's over
And left me without the missing link
I thought I'd forget you
But I guess I forgot to
And lately I've been too confused to think
When I reach for someone new
It's like I'm touching you

I can still feel you just as close as skin
Every now and then
All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched
With your love no one gets close to
I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you

In everything that moves
In everything I do

I can still feel you just as close as skin
Every now and then
All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched
With your love no one gets close to
I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you
Oh I can still feel you

His head hung as he listened to the song over and over. Finally he cleared his throat, raised his head and looked at the clarinet he had been holding. Today he’d finished his concerto. The one for his love. The one that would never be played.

His face twisted in pain and he clenched his fist around the instrument. Then all expression left his face. He tossed the clarinet out into the air in front of him.

“For you, Chakotay.”

Harry took a deep breath and stepped over the edge.

~/\~

Tom Paris sat beside his friend’s bedside. He never forget the site of seeing first Harry’s clarinet and then Harry come hurtling down the side of their rock climbing program. He’d been able to initialize some of the safeties before Harry had hit the bottom but not enough to keep him from being seriously injured.

He didn’t understand it. Harry was always so chipper. Why would he do this to himself?

~/\~

Chakotay tried to keep his face contained when the Doctor informed the senior staff that Harry had taken the safeties off a rock climbing program and tried to plunge to his death. He’d always liked the young ensign but this was something he’d never had expected.

Not even Tom had known why he’d done it.

“Commander, I know you’ve been counseling members of the crew. Would you be willing to talk with Harry after he wakes up?”

“Of course, Captain.”

~/\~

“Doctor to Commander Chakotay.”

Chakotay glanced over at the captain and then hit his comm badge. “Go ahead.”

“Ensign Kim has awaken and has asked to see you.”

Seeing the captain’s nod to the unspoken request, he rose. “I’m on my way.”

~/\~

Harry looked up at the doctor. The hologram had been trying to get him to talk about what had happened for over an hour. He’d finally given up when Harry had said he’d only speak of it with Commander Chakotay.

Not that he would. Chakotay could never know why he’d taken that leap. Chakotay was happy with Gregor Ayala. He would never break up their relationship. He loved Chakotay too much to ever do that to him.

So now he listened to the Doctor go on and on about his various injuries and what not. Couldn’t that damn thing shut up?

The doors slid open and Chakotay stepped inside. “Ensign Kim. Good to see you up.”

“Commander.”

“I’ve been asked by the Captain to speak with you about the incident on the Holodeck.”

Harry nodded. There was no hoping that Chakotay had come out of pure worry. “I know.”

“Would you like to discuss it now or maybe after you’ve regained some strength?”

“Now is fine but could we go somewhere else?”

Chakotay looked thoughtful for a second and then replied, “Of course. There’s an observation lounge not too far from here.”

They walked through the quiet halls without saying a word. They even sat for a few minutes in the lounge without getting down to business.

Finally Harry couldn’t take it. “I can’t tell you why I did it.”

Chakotay nodded. He’d suspected Harry would try to keep this to himself. “Do you know why?”

“Yes. I just… it’s too personal to talk about.”

Again he nodded. He looked into Harry’s face and said, “I’m worry about you, Harry. I don’t want to have this happen again. Can you tell me anything that will help me help you?”

“I… There’s someone I care deeply for… but doesn’t return my feelings. I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life and I couldn’t take the loneliness.”

“People’s feelings change with time. Perhaps-”

Harry cut across the words. He’d been telling himself that for a while but he knew they weren’t true. “I’ve been in love since I met this person, but there’s someone else. I can’t destroy their happiness but I can’t handle my own loneliness.”

“I see.”

Harry sat silently for a long while before he chanced a glance at Chakotay. The man looked to be in deep thought.

“Harry, I’d like to keep seeing you. Help you through this. Will you let me?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Let’s start by you having dinner with Greg and I tonight.”

“Commander?”

“I think this going to take a while and I want you to be comfortable with me. I can’t think of a better accomplishing this then you and I becoming friends.”

“Very well, Commander.”

~/\~

And so it began. Harry and Chakotay started eating dinners together with Greg and spending time together off duty. They talked often and Harry was eventually able to return to duty.

Greg also spent a great deal of time with Harry on and off duty. They were becoming good friends when it happened.

~/\~

Harry was sitting on the edge of a log as Greg played with the program. Chakotay had given them a hiking program since they had the day off together. But so far, they were covered in bug bites and were soaked from the rain.

Harry had tried to go with the flow but Greg had finally gotten fed up.

“Computer, delete all insects.”

Harry saw them all disappear and then took in a deep breath. “This really isn’t such a bad program. This would be a great place to play my concerto.”

“Concerto? When did you have time to write a concerto?”

“It’s been done for a while. I finished it the day I…”

Greg nodded and came to sit next to him. “It’s Chakotay, isn’t it?”

Harry jerked. “What?”

“The concerto was for Chakotay. I know he’s the one you’re in love with.”

Harry considered denying it for all of two seconds. Greg and Chakotay had befriended him. He couldn’t lie to either of them. “Does Chakotay know?”

Greg shook his head. “No. I thought he’d figure it out on his own. But he hasn’t.”

Harry nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? He’s a gorgeous man with a great personality. What’s not to love? The question is what do we do about this.”

Harry looked up at Greg. “Do you want me to stay away from him?”

“Actually I was thinking more along the opposite lines....”

~/\~

Chakotay returned to his cabin to find a note from Harry and Greg. “Meet us on Holodeck One.” Knowing it was their day off, he hurriedly changed his clothes.

He walked into his hiking program just twenty minutes after coming off duty. He noticed immediately that the bugs were gone and that the rain had been halted. He looked around for Harry and Greg. Not seeing them, he set off down the forest path.

About five minutes later, he came to the log where Greg sat quietly just watching the clouds.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Have a seat.”

Chakotay sat next to his lover and smiled. “How was the day off? Where’s Harry?”

Greg smiled and gave Chakotay a short kiss. “You’ll see.”

“What have you cooked up?”

“Oh, something you’ll really enjoy. We promise.”

Just then the first soft notes of the concerto could be heard.

~/\~

One year later.

Kathryn Janeway stood in the center of a forest clearing. Smiling, she made a happy announcement, “Then by the power invested in me, I pronounce you husband and husband and husband. Chakotay, Harry, Greg, you may kiss your husbands.”

The End