By Yelsha

Codes: C/K (C/A, C/T, C/P, J/C) slight A

Summary: Thoughts on being sorry.

Disclaimer:

"I'm sorry."

Are there any other two words that can mean so little and yet....

"I am too. "

All I can do is walk away. No options, no choices. Nothing.

The thing is, it doesn't hurt as much as it should. I mean, I had my heart broken. I should be sobbing. But I'm not.

Maybe I saw this coming. Maybe I subconsciously prepared myself. I don't know. All I know is I don't even care.

The halls are quiet as I walk back to my quarters. I probably won't meet anyone and if I do, no one will question my being up. It's my job to work long hours and not have a life. I'm supposed to meditate and all my needs will be taken care of.

Only it doesn't work that way. I need more. I need...

I don't know what I need. It wasn't B'Elanna. It wasn't Kathryn or Tom or Gregor.

Maybe I'm supposed to be alone. I've never asked my guides about having a family. I might not have one in my future.

But oh, how I hate this loneliness. It's burning my soul. I feel like I'm trapped in this silence. It's driving me insane.

Maybe Greg said it best tonight.

"I just can't take this anymore. I'm sorry."

"Commander?"

I didn't know anyone else was here. I turn and find Harry Kim waiting patiently for the turbolift, just like I am.

"Hello, Harry."

"Are you all right, Commander? You seem tense."

I nod. What else can I do? I'm supposed to be the strong one. Never mind that I'm being eaten alive and no one knows it.

"You look like you could use a drink. Let me buy you one."

I'm pleasantly surprised. Who would have thought the kid would be so perceptive. Then again, he isn't such a kid any more.

"I'd like that."

"Good. We never really get a chance to talk."

Talk. That's all we do. Talk. For months, we meet and talk and share meals and all sorts of things. But all we ever do was talk. Until finally he kisses me.

And suddenly I don't have to take it any more. I'm not alone now.

And I'm not sorry.

The End