SWEDEN
SCANDINAVIA'S DUCK HEAVEN
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While you wait for these twenty-three toons to upload,
website guest travelers please hum the Swedish National Anthem, "The Lefse Spangled Smorgasbord."
North of Bastad, in the province of Hallad,
hills rise up in the most surprising
fashion. The third hill, whether it looks like sun glasses or an item of apparel, is hotly debated by tourists to this day.
Attractive tourist guides, or "Tourist
pilots", assist lost, confused motorists without
charge. Their headgear is distinctive and eminently practical. One city only in neighboring Norway is shown--the town of Hell--indicated by the downward pointing sign.
At a glance, anyone can see why Kalmat was
once called the "Lock and Key of Sweden."
Tourists should expect high voltages throughout Sweden when
using electric appliances, such as shavers and traveling
irons.
Shown by the many Stav (high, wooden, gabled) gas outlets, the old
Viking tradition remains very strong in the rural
areas.
Rakorret, trout buried for several years then dug up, is one
Swedish delicacy that demands an acquired
taste.
Stockholm's Royal Armory is a repository of
Swedish culture since 1500. It contains the famous dancing pig, a well-preserved royal cloudberry torte commissioned by King Haraldknute in the 4th Century, and the horse that lost the Battle of Lutzen.
"Talk-a-Bunch," the American invention, broke down all the
barriers to communication between the normally reserved
Swedes. "Talk-a-Bunch" has, in fact, been used by dating services to find suitable matches for millions of Swedish singles, with an astounding 80% success rate. Once couples break down all barriers and actually speak to one another, marriage is a foregone conclusion with Swedes. Until then, they haven't a clue where their relationship may be headed, and without "Talk-a-Bunch" they are too reserved to ask. Invariably, Ingvar and Ingebord drift apart, having not spoken to each other in months even though constantly in each other's company.
Swedes go out of their way to treat their
royalty like ordinary, private citzens, who feel perfectly at ease even when
shopping for personal items like tee shirts.
State-of-art mechanization is the rule on
modern Swedish dairy farms. Gravity, a Swedish invention (a Swedish scientist first observed it when an egg fell out of the sky and landed on his head, the result of a Norwegian hawk carrying off a farmer's chicken), the wheel (another Swedish invention, created by an enterprising dairyman who was tired of pushing a sled with big round cheeses piled on it, and harnessed two of them to make a moving cart for his wife to pull!) are the two pillars of Swedish dairy farming.
Delivering sandwiches at the Royal Armory in
the Nordiska Museum, a young Swede pauses to admire King
Gustavus Adolphus' trusty horse, ridden when he fell in the Battle
of Lutzon in 1632. The horse was stuffed, the king was
not when a revolution intervened and no one any longer thought the king worth preserving.
At the Royal Cloudberry Cream Torte Factory
in Stockholm, nothing goes to waste. Whatever falls to the floor is then put on the lo-fat creme torte assembly line and shipped to America.
The legendary movie queen, Greta Garbo (nee Gustaffson), got
her start at Stockholm's Royal Dramatic Theater with her
famous line,"I vant to be alone!" Since then, she was
surrounded by a crowd of admirers and had to wear dark glasses and flee.
Cinema star Ingrid Bergman got her start by
throwing a cabbage shredder at her co-star (and missing).
Her famous lines were: "I'm leaving you, Bruno darling. I'm sick of
shredding the cabbage night after night
alone!"
A Stortorgetnen, near the Swedish Academy, a
friendly professor pauses to encourage a high school
drop-out to try again. With so few students per instuctor,
Sweden cannot afford to squander even the least possible
student population, even if it means losing nice, efficient deli-sandwich delivery boys like this one.
Foreign visitors should keep in mind that
Sweden is very prosperous and doesn't look to foreigners for
tourist dollars.
Non-drinking tourists may turn their glasses
down if they have no desire for fermented, 120 proof lingonberry juice. The glasses are automatically removed -
free!
Swedish stainless steel flatware is
world-renowned for simplicity and
elegance. Fork, knife, and spoon are shown in this display.
The fashionable Hogjalls Hotel in Salen is a
nice place to start the exciting Vasa Ski Race. Beginners,
however, should take caution regarding the steep
slopes on mountains that range as high as fifty feet. Once lost, dentures are impossible to locate until the next spring thaw.
Geitost, or goat's cheese, demands an
acquired taste. It is a most versatile
product and can even furnish a substitute for plastic, and when pressed becomes a rather potent explosive. Goats have been known to lose limbs when stepping on discarded slices of geitost from the lunches of careless goatherds.
Sweden boasts the highest per capita book
consumption in the world. Classics of literature such as Homer's THE GEITOSTIAD and Shakespeare's MUCH ADO ABOUT LUTEFISK are avidly consumed at the best restaurants.
A sandwich delivery boy pauses in the
Swedish Academy, where the Nobel Prizes are awarded, to
admire the awards founder, the wealthy industrialist Alfred Nobel (who is said to be
stuffed with cash). After inventing dynamite, he established the Nobel Peace Prize. What else he did, nobody seems to care about. After he died and left his millions to the Swedish Academy to dispose of, he was much appreciated.
The cashless society has arrived in Sweden,
where government coupons can pay for merchandise. Coupons
can also pay for feather transplants and other major health
needs.
A marvel of 19th century engineering, water
in the Gota Canal was made to flow uphill in a major
shopping mall.
Links to other
pages on these Websites:
Plain View Farm Home Page
Butterfly Productions
Stadems Saga Home Page
Prairefarm Home Page
Scandinavian Duck Toons Central
Ron's Writings: Tales for a Lille Tupin or Tuta
New Pages and Links for Return Visitors
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