Tom rode hard to Strawberry. He couldn't get Heath off his mind. He kept seeing those scars. All those marks. But Heath's face was the image that was foremost in his mind. Those bright blue eyes were now empty. And lost. What have I done to these boys? If only he'd have known. If only he never. And Leah. To have died so young. And how? He wasn't sure now he believed the story Johnny and Heath told. She was so young to be sick enough to die. The sheriff. He'd said he let it all happen. That man knew something and Tom was going to find out.

He argued with the sheriff and got no answers. "I won't let this go!! I'll get my answers AND I'LL HAVE YOUR JOB!!" He slammed the door when he left.

He completed the arrangements for Johnny. He wanted to be with Leah. The doctor's father showed Tom where he'd seen Johnny in the little field. Tom was sick. A small unmarked stone. Sitting on top was a dead broken flower. "Oh, Leah... why didn't you tell me? You raised good children. My son. And Johnny, my son too. I could've been the father they needed. I don't want to leave you here in this empty place. I remember your love for flowers. Leah, you and Johnny will have your flowers. This whole garden will be full." He sat for a long time. Remembering.

Returning to Lawson, he was met by the town's sheriff. His son was missing. Gone for five hours.

Tom Barkley was sitting at his desk looking over the papers the Pinkerton Agents brought him. He couldn't believe it. There was no trace where his small blond son had been for the last year.

The last time he saw his young son was the night Johnny was killed. Four days, just under four days. That is all the time he spent with his son before Heath disappeared. Tom rode back to Strawberry that next morning, after he saw all the scars on his son's chest and back. And when he returned, Heath was gone. Jarrod and Nick were guilt-ridden. Tom was devastated. What could have happened?

Tom closed his eyes, remembering....

"Mr. Barkley, your son's missing. Five hours, he's been gone about five hours."

"WHAT HAPPENED?" He turned his emotions on the sheriff and then his two oldest sons. The past four days were catching up to him. The lack of sleep, the fear, the sadness. The memories. Johnny's death. Heath's scars. The fight with the sheriff in Strawberry. All of it was coming to blows. And now, Heath was missing once again.

"Father, we don't know." Jarrod just shook his head, there were tears in his eyes. He was the oldest. He was in charge. And now his little brother was missing on his watch. And his father was disappointed in him. Jarrod didn't understand what happened earlier that day.

"HE JUST DISAPPEARED!!" Nick was angry. He was the one that was suppose to protect his little brother. He was the last one to see the little boy. He was the one that left Heath in the room alone. Nick's heart was broken that day.

Jarrod said they had finally gotten Heath to sleep. He was asleep for about twenty minutes when Jarrod left to go wire their mother. Ten minutes later, Nick went to the lobby of the hotel to get some food for Heath when he woke up. He said he was gone for fifteen minutes and when he returned, Heath was gone. He searched everywhere. When Jarrod got back, they went to the sheriff. A search was started, but Heath was no where in town.

After Tom got back, they thought Heath went back to Strawberry. Returning to the small town, they searched again for Heath. He was no where. Like he disappeared into thin air. There was no trace of the small blond boy anywhere. Tom continued his search between Lawson and Strawberry for a week and a half.

He buried Johnny that week. Standing alone in the unmarked graveyard, he, Jarrod, Nick, and the two Dr. Merar's said good-bye to the cherished boy. They cried for Johnny, who was finally with his mother. And cried for Heath, the missing son and brother.

Leaning down, Tom brushed his hand over the blank stone. "Johnny, you and your mother will have your names. And a garden full, full of flowers and love. I'll find your brother. And when I do, I'll never let him go." Tom placed a kiss to the new stone, and place a kiss on the old stone next to it. "Good-bye, Leah."

Four days later, Tom and his two oldest sons left Strawberry. With a riderless horse and two people less.

Tom continued his search, not ever knowing anything more than he did that dreadful day. Until about a year later when the young Dr. Merar showed up in Stockton, toting along a blond hair, blue-eyed boy. Dr. Merar said after Tom left Strawberry that day, the town's sheriff, Will Conners left also. Howard Merar thought it was because Tom had threatened Sheriff Conners about the mystery surrouding Heath's life in Strawberry. And for about a year, the small town kept going through different sheriffs. And about a week earlier, a new sheriff came into town. The same week, Dr. Merar's father and mother came for a visit. The older Dr. Merar always liked to visit the small graveyard everytime he visited. He liked to plant more flowers. While visiting Johnny's grave, the older Merar saw a little blond boy. It was the little boy. The missing little boy. He tried to grab Heath but the boy ran from him, straight to Sheriff Frank Sawyer.

Jim Merar and his son Howard told the sheriff the story of the little boy. Frank Sawyer said Heath had been living with him for about a month. He found the boy in Mexico, living with a General Vincente Ruiz. The General said he found the boy a month before that. No one knew where Heath had been before those two months. But he was well taken care of for the two months with the General and the Sheriff. Frank Sawyer said Heath admitted being from California and Sawyer had gotten it out of Heath that he had once lived in Strawberry. So, Frank decided to bring the boy back. Hoping to find his family. And he did.

Dr. Merar brought Heath to Stockton. Back to his father, his new mother, his two older brothers, his little sister, and his little brother. And Dr. Merar stayed also. Stockton needed a doctor. This family needed a doctor. He felt good in Stockton. Back to his very first patients.

That was four months ago. Everything turned out how it should have. But something was missing. That year. The year Heath was gone. Heath acted like nothing had happened. He never mentioned Johnny or his mother or Strawberry. It was like he didn't remember anything. But Tom knew different. Everytime Tom questioned Heath about that year or his previous life with Johnny, the boy would just clam up or walk away. Finally Tom quit asking questions, but he vowed to find out what happened to his son.

When Heath returned, Jarrod came home from college in Berkley to welcome his little brother home. He still felt guilty about that day and was curious about what had happened. He wanted Heath to be okay. To be the little brother he dreamed Heath would be. He had almost given up that Heath was still alive. Now, he could make up for his mistake that day. He could be the best brother he could be. While at college, Jarrod writes to Heath everyday. Hoping to catch his brother up on the years they missed together.

Nick took Heath's return hard. He demanded to know what happened, to know if Heath was hurt by anyone, to know where he'd been. He had to have answers. He had to rid himself of the guilt of leaving Heath alone that day. He still and will probably always question himself over leaving Heath that day. Nick had to have control of Heath. At first he distanced himself from his little brother, then one day he began to hover over him. He protected him from everything and everyone. And he refused to speak Johnny's name. Maybe he blamed the green-eyed boy from the whole thing. Or maybe he feared it was Johnny's death that made Heath disappear. Tom and Victoria never knew which.

Victoria slipped into the role of mother quickly. She adored Heath but was also protective of him. She felt the pain of her husband and sons when they first returned from Strawberry. She went through Jarrod's silence, Nick's anger, and Tom's nightmares. She knew this little boy was a gift. And his brother, Johnny was a gift... a gentle soul that protected Heath during that lost year.

Tom embraced Heath the moment he returned to the ranch. He became the doting father he wanted to be to Jarrod and Nick. He became more relaxed but also more cautious. He never allowed Heath to be alone. If a family member wasn't with him, Silas was. Duke McCall, the foreman of the ranch, and Tom's best friend for twenty years, was trusted with Heath. And of course, Dr. Merar. And maybe a small handful of other people. Trusted hands of the ranch, the school teacher, the sheriff, Fred Madden. But Heath was never alone outside of the house. Tom wouldn't allow it, he was afraid. Afraid of losing his precious son once again.

Audra and little Gene just loved Heath. They never knew any difference. To them, he was the brother they always had. They adored him. He was gentle with his younger siblings. He loved them. He could be to them what Johnny was to him. It was his secret wish.

Today, Heath was normal. He was just a kid playing on a school yard with his friends. He looked across the school yard and saw Will Conners walk into the saloon. The sheriff of Strawberry was alive. Heath thought Will had died in that fight in Mexico. He couldn't believe his eyes, he never thought Will would find him again. He didn't want to be at school. A place full of kids, somewhere Will would look. Heath watched for his brother, Nick, to go into the school house. The bell just rang and Heath slipped away. He had to keep an eye on Will. Did he know Heath had returned? Most likely he did.

At the end of the school day, Heath waited by the tree for Nick. He watched his brother's expression. He hoped Nick didn't know he had played hooky. He figured his father would be angry if he knew he had been alone all day. His father was just starting to slack off a little and Heath didn't want to be held under the reins again. But Nick didn't say a thing, so Heath hopped on Copper and rode towards home. He didn't want Mrs. Johnson to see him there.

Did Will see Heath in town? What was he doing here? How did he get out of Mexico? Heath was pondering these thoughts when he noticed Nick stopped.

"What'd stop for, Nick?"

"I'm stopping because I've been talkin' to ya about our fishing trip for ten minutes. AND YOU HAVEN'T HEARD A WORD I'VE BEEN SAYIN'!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"Nothin' Nick!!" Heath shouted at his brother and kicked Copper towards home. Nick just shook his head and raced to beat his little brother to the barn.

That night at dinner, both Tom and Victoria noticed their youngest son seemed distant. Almost like he was when he first came to the ranch.

"Heath? Heath, son are you alright?" Tom reached for his son's forehead when the boy suddenly jerked away and stood up.

"I, I just don't feel real good. Can I go to my room?"

"Sweetheart... what's wrong? Is it your tummy?" Victoria reached for his hand but Heath pulled away.

"No, it's, it's nothin'. I'm just kinda tired." Heath began to stutter.

His parents exchanged looks, both noticing Heath's nervousness. "Okay son, you go on upstairs."

Heath turned from the table and started out of the room, but Tom grabbed his arm stopping the boy. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, Pop, I'm just really tired."

"Then go lay down for awhile."

When Heath was out of earshot, Tom looked at Nick. "Did something happen in school today?"

"I don't think so Father, but I only saw him after school. We don't have lunch at the same time anymore. On the ride back he did seem more quiet than usual, if that kid could be any quieter!"

Heath went to his room and closed the door, deciding to put a chair under the doorknob. He didn't want to risk anyone coming in on him. Finding the pocket knife Nick gave him, Heath crawled under the bed and cut into the bottom of the mattress. He pulled out just enough stuffing to hold everything. He then went to the corner of the closet and pulled the board up. Feeling around, he pulled out the bag of coins, a small box of money, and the gun. Heath figured if Will found him, he would need this gun for protection. The funny thing was, Will was the one who taught him how to use it.

He looked at the gun for a long time, remembering. It was the same gun Johnny had used that night. Heath leaned his head on his knees and started to cry. How could he ever forget Johnny? He didn't want to forget him, but sometimes it was so hard just to remember him. He still had nightmares. The old ones and some new ones. And after Mexico, even newer ones.

"Heath?" There was a knock at the door. Heath shoved everything far under the bed, while his father began to yell. "Heath, are you okay? Do you have something in front of the door?"

"I'm coming." Heath pushed the chair on the door and slid it to the side, opening the door for his father.

"Yeah, Pop?"

"Did you have a chair in front of the door?"

Heath looked at his father and lied. "No, I was just lying down. I guess the door got stuck."

Tom stared down at his towhead son and something told him there was more to the story. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?" Feeling Heath's hair confirmed Tom's suspicion that his young son was sweating.

Heath pulled his head back. "I'm fine, will you quit asking me?! I told you I was tired!"

Tom didn't like the tone Heath was taking, but decided to let it go. "Then why don't you get ready for bed. Maybe you'll feel better after some sleep."

The boy did not move, he just shifted back and forth waiting for his father to leave. Tom forgot just how shy the boy was or how nervous he could be. Any of his other children would get ready in front of Tom or Victoria. But Heath was different. He never took off his shirt once in front of anyone. The only time Tom had seen Heath's scars was early the morning his son disappeared. After Heath woke up from the nightmares. When Heath returned to his family, Tom wanted Dr. Merar to check Heath out. The doctor told him that he gave Heath a complete check-up when he found the boy in Strawberry. Dr. Merar saw the scars. The ones Tom had described that day over a year ago. Dr. Merar told Tom that Heath had new scars, ones that were less than a year old. But Tom never saw them. And Heath never admitted he had any. Tom asked Heath about them once or twice, but he got either an angry reaction out of Heath or no reaction at all. So Tom decided to let Heath talk when he wanted. "I promise I won't ask you again. Just remember I'm here for you."

Tonight, Tom didn't want to push his young son, so he kissed the boy and left, looking at the out of place chair when he did.

That night, Heath had dreams from long ago. Wild horses, a Mexican Ranch with THE THOMSON BROTHERS written in gold. A black horse called Thunder and a white horse called Lightening. His mamma singing him to sleep. Johnny teaching him how to play poker. Walking on a ranch of their own. And Johnny laughing... and smiling. Then the blood. The screaming of his mother. Uncle Matt pushing her against the solid table. Her eyes bulging and closing that one last time. Johnny climbing out that window. Walking with his back facing Heath. The cellar. The gunshots. Matt's face. Johnny's face. "Promise me, Mexico... our ranch. Remember... our dreams. Our dreams." The nightmare plagued Heath a long while.

Nick heard his brother talking in his sleep. Their rooms were next to each other, down the hall from their parents. Nick was surprised when he heard Heath, his little brother hadn't talked in his sleep in over a month. And tonight at dinner, Heath was stuttering again. Nick laid listening for his brother to stop. He knew Heath would wake up in a moment. He once tried to wake Heath up, but when he did, his brother stayed frightened for a long time. Nick knew it reminded Heath of Johnny, and Nick couldn't let Heath relive that again. So he learned to let Heath wake himself up. But Nick always listened until his little brother did wake up, always softly calling for Johnny. Nick wanted to be what Heath needed, but he didn't know how to be Johnny. He only knew how to be Nick.

Heath woke up in a sweat and got out of bed. He reached for the bag, the box, and the gun, and began to stuff them deep into his mattress. Tomorrow he would have to get more bullets, just in case.

At breakfast, Victoria watched her young son. The boy hardly touched a thing. He just pushed his eggs around his plate.

"Heath, are you still not feeling well?"

"I'm, I'm fine Mother." He laid down his fork and sat back in his chair. Tom looked up from his meal, eyeing his son.

"Well, if you're feeling okay, then you need to finish your breakfast." Tom pointed at the full plate of food.

Heath stared at his father, then picked up his fork. Tom thought for a minute that Heath was going to square off with him, but the boy didn't. Tom had the feeling that Heath was going to be his most stubborn child. Sure, Nick was hard-headed, but in a different way. Nick would just blow up. Heath was quiet, and the blond still thought of himself as very independent.

Heath finished his eggs and went outside to saddle Copper. Nick was on his way out when Tom stopped him. "Keep on eye on your brother, Nicholas. If he doesn't seem like he feels good, just bring him home."

When the boys got to school, Nick watched his little brother. He seemed like he felt good, but something was wrong. It was like he was somewhere else in his mind. Nick knew Heath was always quiet and distant, but not like this.

"Hey squirt..." Nick hesitated bringing it up.

"Yeah Nick, what?" Heath just wanted Nick to go inside so he could leave. He knew it was only a matter of time before Will looked at the school for Heath, or Nick, or any Barkley. Heath couldn't be here. He just had to have time alone to think.

"Well, I, I heard ya last night. You were dreaming again, and well... you've been stuttering." Nick's hazel eyes met Heath's blue eyes. He would be there for Heath til the end. Heath smiled slightly. He loved having Nick as an older brother, it was like Johnny was still alive. But Heath didn't want to get to close, he couldn't risk loving someone and having them leave him again. He also didn't want to cause pain again.

"It was nothing, Nick. Just a dream." Heath stood around brushing Copper, waiting for Nick to leave. He walked towards the building with Nick, then turned back towards the horses.

"Where ya goin'?" Nick stopped waiting for Heath to come back towards the school house.

"I forgot to tie Copper, just go on in."

"Ok, see ya after school, kid." Nick walked inside and headed straight for Mrs. Johnson. She taught first through sixth grade. Nick didn't want Heath to hear him.

"Mrs. Johnson?"

"Yes Nick, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay, but Heath hasn't been feeling well and I wanted to tell you if he got sick to send him to me and I'll take him home."

"I'm sorry Nick, I was wondering about Heath yesterday."

Nick started to ask her what she meant, but Missy Greer dropped her lunch. "Excuse me, Nick." Mrs. Johnson scooted away chasing one of Missy's apples.

Heath waited to see if Nick was going to come back outside and then he left. Walking behind the schoolhouse so he could think. Maybe he should just try to find out why Will was here and if he was still here. Yesterday, Will played poker most of the day. Today, maybe he would just leave Stockton. Heath shook his head, he knew Will was here for him.

About lunchtime, Tom decided to go to the school and take a look in on Heath. He watched the children play, but he couldn't spot his blond son anywhere. Not playing kickball or marbles or any of the other games. He looked for Nick but figured the older children went in already.

He went inside finding Mrs. Johnson sitting at her desk.

"Mr. Barkley, are you picking up work for Heath?" I was going to ask Nick..."

"Pick up work for Heath?! What do you mean? I was coming to check on Heath. He didn't seem like he felt good since after school yesterday."

"Mr. Barkley, Heath wasn't in school yesterday and he's not here today. Nick was saying something this morning about Heath not feeling well, I thought he just went home." She knew how protective Mr. Barkley was of his newest son. Everyone knew.

"So you haven't seen him at all today or yesterday? But Nick is here?" Fear struck Tom's heart. Not again.

The teacher nodded her head. "Mr. Barkley, I'm sure Heath is just playing hooky. He went home yesterday like he'd been at school all day. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about." Tom nodded in agreement. Heath did come home yesterday. Maybe he was just playing hooky. Besides, most people in the town knew Heath, nothing could happen like that again. He knew his son was feeling smothered by them all, but to miss school and lie.

"Thank you, Mrs. Johnson. I know Heath will be back in class tomorrow, and he won't miss another day." The teacher knew by the look on Tom Barkley's face that little Heath Barkley was in big trouble.

Tom went up the stairs to find Nick, he knocked on the door asking to see his son.

"Father? Are you here to get Heath?"

"No Nicholas, I came to check on your brother but he's not here. Do you know anything about this?"

"WHAT?!" Here it was happening all over again. Not again, he could live through this again. "Father we came in together. We had a little talk and I went inside to tell Mrs. Johnson like you said. He went back to Copper and told me to go on in. I didn't watch him walk in, but where..."

"YES THAT'S THE QUESTION - WHERE is your brother? I told you to keep an eye on him! Can't you just do what your told!" Tom regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He knew how Nick felt. The way he blamed himself for leaving Heath that day. Nick held himself responsible.

Nick held his head and breathed heavily. Tom reached his arm around his son's shoulder and spoke softly in his ear. "I'm sorry. You're not to blame. No one is, Heath's just playing hooky. Mrs. Johnson said he wasn't here yesterday either." Nick lifted his eyes to his father's. Tom slightly smiled. He still had to be a father to all his children, not just to Heath.

"Something's been bothering your brother since he got home yesterday."

"I know." Nick thought about telling his father about the nightmares, but decided against it. Nick would just have to have and heart to heart with his little brother later. "Are you going to look for him?"

Tom was quiet for a moment. "No, we can't smother him his whole life. I'm just going to have a long talk with your brother when he gets home. Don't tell him anything, I want to see how far he goes with this lie. I'm not pampering him anymore."

Nick knew by the quiet anger in his father's voice that his little brother was in deep trouble. He felt sorry for the kid. Heath never had a father before and Nick wasn't sure how he would take getting punished.

....Continued