...Continued
Jarrod took his mother’s place on the bed, and took his brother tenderly into his arms. “Hey, Little Brother, are you going to make this easier on all of us this time? He briefly embraced Heath, then held him tightly against his chest and eased his head back. “Okay Heath, I want you to drink some of this medicine now. Don’t fight me on this. It’s Jarrod, Heath. I’m here to help you.”
Dr. Merar placed the glass against Heaths lips. “All right Heath, drink some of this for me.”
Heath remained unmoving in Jarrod’s arms. “That’s good Heath, you’re doing fine,” encouraged Jarrod, as he watched his brother’s lips tremble around the glass. Heath let the medicine be poured into his mouth and he tried to swallow it. When most of the aspirin had been swallowed, the doctor prepared a dose of laudanum. “All right, just a little more, I want you to drink this. It will help you feel better;” Jarrod continued to support his brother until the doctor took away the glass. Heath got enough of the medicine down, that Doc Merar was satisfied. Jarrod relaxed his arms and let his brother sink back on to the bed. “Thank you Heath, you did a great job.” Jarrod wiped the liquid that had fallen, on Heath’s face and neck.
Victoria sat behind Jarrod on the bed and put her hand on Heath’s knee. “The medicine will help you fight. You are doing fine, Heath. I’m very proud of you.”
Doctor Merar poured himself a long glass of water. “I’m going to let him rest a bit. I am going to have to clean those wounds soon, and I don’t want to hurt him again.”
As the medicine began to take effect the doctor prepared to clean and bandage the wounds on Heath’s back, again. When Heath’s breathing became slow and even, Dr. Merar began the cleaning process with soap and water. The doctor waited to clean the areas that seemed most infected, until last. He hoped that Heath would be sleeping very deeply by then. As the Dr. was trying to clean the infected areas, he and the three Barkleys, who had been watching intently, saw Heath’s body tense up completely, but he never uttered a word. Dr. Merar knew Heath was hurting and did not like the way he was reacting. Heath should be reacting to pain not withholding that reaction. Heath held his breath, started to shake and his nose began to bleed as the pressure began to build in his body from refusing to acknowledge the pain.
Nick started to get up. “No...Heath! Stop it...stop it...” Nick left his brother and went to the window. “Oh Heath what have they done?” Nick walked back to his bed. “Please help him.” He ran his fingers through his brother’s hair, tears in his eyes. Nick pushed Dr. Merar away from his brother and lunged toward his dresser. Nick cleared the gun out of its holster before anyone realized the danger of the situation. Nick pointed the gun past the doctor, his mother, his brother and sister. Everyone stood paralyzed, knowing Nick did not recognize them. “Don’t move! Nick might just shoot,” warned Jarrod. “Something bad is happening in those dreams.”
Tears filled Nick’s eyes. He went to Heath’s side when Heath started to moan and try to curl up. Nick put his hand on his younger brother’s cheek while resting his gun hand on the pillow. Jared took a step forward and Nick spun towards him, gun in hand, oblivious to all three frightened people and shot the picture in the silver frame that had been sitting on the mantle. He turned back to his injured brother and spoke softly to him, “you rest now Heath, he will never hurt you again, he’s dead.”
“Nick, you’re here? Help me, it hurts so much.”
Nick sat down again on his bed and was looking at Heath’s back. He took the cloth that was still lying on his brother’s back and started to gently clean the swelling wound. His hand was shaking as he looked up with tear filled eyes at the doctor. “Please, can you help him?”
The doctor was shaken by immediate event. “I’ll try; it would really help me if you would lie back down, and give me the gun.” He took uneasy steps back towards the beds unsure of was yet to come.
“No, how about you just help him,” Nick said, pointing the gun at the doctor.
The doctor raised his arms. "I can’t work with you pointing that gun at me Nick.”
Nick gave him the look of indefinite recognition. Howard eased into a good position and continued to clean Heath’s wounds. Heath began squirming under the doctor’s touch. The movement and painful sounds, though hard to deal with, were the reaction the doctor had been looking for. Heath was allowing the doctor to help him, and Nick lay down on his bed softly reassuring his brother, “you’ll be all right now. The doctor’s here to help you.”
“Nick, Sweetheart, can I come over and help too?”
Nick’s eyes narrowed but he did not move.
“Are you a nurse?”
“Yes, Nick, I am.”
Nick motioned her over with the gun. “If you hurt him I’ll kill you.”
Tears welled up in Victoria’s eyes. She understood that he did not recognize her, but the words and their force cut her deeply. She had loved this child from the moment she ever thought of having children. His presence had always been one more of the blessings for which she thanked God. To hear those words from his mouth sliced through the façade of strength she displayed to get through this crisis. Victoria started crying, sobbing and then felt arms close around her. She returned the embrace.
“Mother?”
Victoria took a deep breath and took in the scent of her second child. “Oh, Nick.” She began to cry in fear and joy and exhaustion.
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Nick stayed close to his brother in the beginning of his recovery. They continued to share dreams and even Nick’s waking thoughts were interrupted by Heath’s nightmares. Images and sensations of a life so different from his own filtered into his mind like daydreams. After four days, Heath awoke to a world he could barely recognize or bring into focus. He awoke so afraid and confused he fought his family trying to keep him still on his bed. Nick was there and Heath calmed at his touch as if it had spoken.
Heath’s eyes roamed the room and he squinted and strained to make out the forms that seemed to float around the bed. His head ached, his back and leg ached too. He felt Nick’s presence. He had been with him all along after all. Heath was afraid Nick knew the secrets he even hid from himself. “Nick?”
“I’m here, Heath.” Nick squeezed the hand he was holding.
Heath turned his head and tried to find the faint sound. His hand traveled up to Nick’s face. Heath felt his lips move as air passed between them. His brow furrowed and his hand dropped to knock on the side of his head. There was so much ringing he couldn’t understand what Nick was saying. Someone grabbed his arm and a struggle began again. Nick held him in his arms and he could feel the air brush against his ear. “What’s wrong with me Nick? Where am I?”
“Heath you’re in your room and Mother is here, so are Audra and Jarrod. Dr. Merar’s been here awhile too. We gave them quite a scare Little Brother.” Heath heard a low tone amidst the ringing and again felt the air against his ear. He realized he couldn’t see or hear well at all. He panicked but was held firm in Nick’s arms. He would be alright. Heath relaxed in Nick’s arms and thought the shadows must be his family, and the faint sounds their voices. He realized he must have hurt himself, and to their care.
Nick swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. He shook his head. When had this man become his little brother? Well he knew it was true but he also knew it hurt too much. He wanted to forget all that he had seen and shared. He couldn’t love him enough to help him through all that pain. Nick decided he would help Heath heal his physical wounds but push the other aside. As they recovered, he never talked to Heath about their dreams, and Heath never asked. The storm had bound them as brothers who held the keys to each others past.
When Heath recovered, Nick was relieved and became closer to Heath. He accepted him as his brother and defended him against any more harm. Nick also took the key and locked Heath out of his heart. It would be too painful to love him, to know him for who he was, formed and created by experiences so different from his own. He could not fathom the strength and commitment that would take. He did not have the time for that. Heath was his brother, his partner in running the ranch, a stranger.
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Back at the picnic, Nick was telling stories, and making the twins giggle at his adventures. Heath felt lucky to have a brother like Nick. When his head began to ache he felt the familiar need to be away from other people. Heath made his way to the paddock to get Charger and rode up to the meadow, carefully avoiding the rest of his family. He had seen his mother speaking with Dr. Merar. His family always fussed over him, and this time they seemed to have gotten hold of some sort of misinformation, about his past. A knot formed in his stomach again, he was not sure why, but he did not want to talk to the Doctor about it.
It was early afternoon and he rode just long enough that most picnickers would not wander that far from the center of the social gathering. There were plenty of other private places for young couples to go to be alone together, closer to the ring of activity. Heath rode to one of his favorite spots he went to whenever he wanted to get away from a Sunday crowd. He had private places -- not only all over the ranch but all over public grounds in the area surrounding Stockton. He rode his horse Charger over to the far side of the bluff, which had a sheer rock face. This kept most people on the other side of it. He saw a wagon approaching from the far side of the meadow, coming from Stockton not from the social. Heath watched the wagon with curiosity, but did not pay close attention to it, because his mind was searching for answers. Heath tried to remember the events of the night before and the conversations with his family that morning. Something wasn’t right. He was surprised at how far the wagon had traveled while he was trying to clear his thoughts.
Heath watched the wagon approach until he realized it was heading toward him. Heath got back on Charger and rode out to meet the wagon. The man had drawn his gun and pointed it directly at Heath’s chest. “Howdy, I ain’t here to hurt ya, I was just wondering if you folks are lost. You’re a bit off the main road. Wagons don’t much use this old trail any more.”
Matt and Cinda Bentell were shocked by Heath’s first words.
“Where you folks headed?" the cowboy continued.
The Bentells remained silent a moment, finally Matt Bentell cleared his throat.
“We were headed to the social, we were going to meet up with Nick Barkley and his family. The weather changed our mind and we thought we could cut through here to the road a little farther on than going back.”
Cinda Bentell gave her husband a look of complete disbelief.
“You wouldn’t by any chance be the Toddmans would you?”
”Well as the matter-of-fact, we are. How, would you know?”
Matt Bentell could not believe his ears. Here was Heath Barkley, the man they had come to pay a visit to, the man he’d whipped, the man who had tried to kill him last night, apparently unable to recognize him.
“My name is Heath Barkley. I don’t think I got to meet you proper last night. I’m afraid I had a bit too much to drink. I woke up real fuzzy this morning. Did you folks sleep in town?”
“Yes we did. We stayed at the hotel.” Matt Bentell laughed out loud either the very transparent game the boy was playing, or at the incredible bad luck the boy did not know was following him.
The laughter sent chills down his spine. “If you don’t mind my asking, did anyone else come by last night? This morning my family was pretty upset about something, it all seems mighty strange.”
“Well, now Mr. Barkley, I really couldn’t say one way or the other, we had to send word out that we couldn’t make it until today. We got into town real tired last night. We didn’t get the jump on the day we needed to. Folks we met in town last night said there was a social going on, so we felt we might meet up with your brother and your family here and have a nice visit. It certainly sounds like whoever did come over surely caused some trouble. By the looks of your face it seems you received quite a bump last night.”
Heath put his hand to the spot on his face that had landed on the tiled floor. “Don’t remember that either. Doesn’t hurt.
“My family seems to think I would have remembered them from the war, but I was too young to serve at the time. Anyway I’m sure Mother wouldn’t have let me. Probably a good thing too. I’ve heard so many horror stories especially from prisoners.”
“You’re right about that.” Bentell could not believe this conversation.
“Well it looks like a storm’s coming in. Why don’t we just head up to the ranch? My family will be heading that way shortly anyway. They don’t like getting caught up in storms.”
“Well, I’d really like to get up to the timber camp Now that the weather is threatening. I’m anxious to get settled. How far away is it?”
“It’d take the rest of the daylight and then some in that wagon from here. You wouldn’t get there tonight unless you rode straight through. I don’t reckon that’s a good idea. Nick has a couple houses built up there for you and the crew. Nick could take you up there tomorrow after the storm blows through.”
“We really would appreciate it if you would just point out the way to us; we’d like to put some miles behind us. We don’t mind making camp on the way. We’ve camped out in all Mother Nature has to offer these past 5 years that we’ve been taking on timber operations.”
“Mr. Toddman, Nick would not be happy with me if I let you go up there alone. I suppose if you did leave now we’d be half way there before the storm breaks. I could go get Nick or take you up there myself. I wouldn’t mind getting away for a couple days. Isn’t Nick expecting you for dinner?”
“Yes I suppose he is, but I guess he’ll just have to come to the camp in a day or two and be our guests. I’m sure the kitchen has been well-stocked.”
“Well, yes it has been, but no one is up there. You and Nick were going to start hiring men after you saw the preparations we’ve made. We are hoping to keep the best of the ranch hands on over the winter. We want to be able to keep them here so they can settle into life a bit. I know it’s hard on a man always moving around, never able to put down roots. Hardly a life a woman would want to marry to. No offense ma’am. With your husband being the best at what he does, and all, I guess you don’t have to worry about finding work, and that makes traveling more acceptable. I know Nick has built a nice cabin for you to live in, I hope you like it.”
“I’m sure we will Mr. Barkley.”
Heath shuddered at her voice.
By this time Heath and the Bentells had made their way back to the main road and were heading towards the Barkley Ranch. “The house is just a couple miles off down this road. Why don’t you come on and wait for my family at the house? I’m sure Nick would like to show you off. I’ll take you up to the timber camp after that, if it looks like the rain will hold. If not, I’m sure you can stay at the house. My family will be headed back as soon as it starts sprinkling. They always worry about storms.
“Heath, we appreciate that the invitation, but I would really like to head the up to the camp right now.”
“I guess there is no talking you into coming to the house. Nick said you were the best, but you should learn to take a day off now and then. Mr. Toddman. Toddman… that is your name isn’t it? Seems I don’t remember it right. Something the family was telling me this morning funny what a bit of alcohol will do.”
Toddman is right, boy.”
Heath wondered at that familiarity. “Listen, I’ll ride to the house and leave word that I’ll be back day after tomorrow, that I’m making sure you are all settled in. I’ll catch up with you on the way. Just keep following this road. It should only take me about an hour to catch up to you.”
Cinda didn’t like it. She did not want to take any chances of losing him. She wanted to make him pay for the shame he had caused her last night. Matt was enjoying the game. And Heath had no idea of the trouble he was getting himself into.
“All right Heath we’ll see you in an hour, or so.”
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The two cowboys the Bentells met at the hotel had been keeping their eye on the whole situation from the seclusion of the brushwood along the edge of the road. Heath had fired Carl Baker and Matt Connors - not because of anything personal they had said or done, but because they didn’t work very hard. Heath grew up working very hard to earn every penny he ever had. The Barkley Ranch paid top dollar and Heath figured a man should be willing to earn it. One thing his brother Nick had made crystal clear from the first day Heath arrived was that the Barkley ranch was a working ranch. The easy ride the two cowboys, now hiding from view had was over. Nick would have weeded them out, sooner or later, but until Heath started sharing responsibilities Nick was without a partner to help him run the ranch some things slipped past him.
Connors and Baker went to Nick after they had been let go by Heath to protest their release. Nick refused to override his brother’s decision. Nick did offer condolences and paid them their wages due, plus five dollars each. They two cowboys were so enraged with Heath, for the difficult future that now lay ahead of them. They would have to find work over the winter, probably mining which was a dirty, dangerous job. Their plan to continue at the Barkley’s and get one of the timber jobs was crushed. Now the two unemployed men slunk along the road, shielded from view by a bunch of scraggly trees.
The cowboys were confused by the seemingly civil dealings the Bentells were having with Heath. “Bentell shoulda had him at gunpoint by now, but they’re riding all cozy back toward the Barkley ranch.” They saw the wagon make its way along the road with Heath on Charger trotting calmly along side. When they arrived at the drive that led to the Barkley house, the travelers stopped for a moment, and then Heath took off on Charger toward home.
The cowboys waited for Heath to disappear from view then met up with the
Bentells and got the whole story. Their delight in the current situation matched their anger at the man they blamed for hardship and would make revenge all the sweeter.
“Oh, this is too good. I wonder if he remembers us?” Conners thought of the fun he would have reminding Heath of their past ‘relationship.’ “Either way I intend to torment that arrogant cuss.”
“Go on now,” Bentell spurred his cohorts into action. “He’s leaving a note for his family. Make sure you find it and destroy it. We don’t want them coming after us. Just be sure you stay out of sight. Wait until that boy has caught up with my wife and I before you show up.”
“Come on Carl lets get going.”
In the meanwhile, Heath arrived home and asked Ciego to put his saddle on another horse, as he had a long ride and Charger could use a rest. He didn’t say any more because he wanted some time alone to think. He went to the study and wrote a note to his family, and left it on the dining room table.
Dear Family,
I am on my way to the Timber camp with the Toddmans. I met them up in the meadow as they were headed to the social to meet up with you. They decided to head up to the camp instead when the sky darkened. I’m riding up with them to make sure they get settled.
Don’t wait supper, I’ll be home day after tomorrow. Don’t worry, it’s just a little rain.
Love,
Heath
As neighborly as the Toddmans seemed, he began to have misgivings about the task he had taken on. He swung his leg over his saddle and rode the black stallion Ciego had readied, to catch up with them.
Conners and Baker had been making their way to the Barkley house staying well off the drive. When they saw Heath ride past them, they made better time, urging their horses faster. It seemed no one was at all was at the ranch. The Sunday social had been key to their whole plan. Amazing how things fall right into place sometimes. Conners was feeling very self-satisfied with the way things were working out. After checking around for people and finding only one hand working in the barn, they stole into the house, knowing the domestic staff would still be at church. They quickly found the note and after reading it Conners tore it in half and shoved one piece in his pocket and left the other on the table.
“You heard Bentell, we gotta get rid of his note. Read it, this is better than no note, and he wrote it himself.”
Baker’s eyes lit up and they were quickly back outside and on their horses, cutting across the grassland to meet up with the wagon as they had planned.
The dread Heath had been feeling seemed to manifest itself by the cowboys’ approach. He rested his hand near his gun, ready to protect his new employees.
“This could be trouble,” Heath informed the Bentells. “I fired these two a some weeks ago. They never pulled their weight around the and were hoping to be able to spend the winter slacking off for you.”
The cowboys stopped right in front of the wagon.
“I already told you to get off the ranch; you’re about as slow at gittin’ as you are at workin’. Now move on and don’t come back.” Heath warned them, wondering what they could be doing this deep in Barkley land.
The Cowboys reached for their guns, but Heath was quicker. His gun was drawn and leveled at the cowboys before their guns had cleared their holsters.
“Like I said boys, you’re a might slow. Now git.”
“Well now Heath, that ain’t right neighborly. How about introducing us to your friends here?”
Heath cocked his pistol and heard the familiar sound echo behind his ear. He turned and found himself on the dangerous end of a loaded rifle.
“You know these boys, Toddman.” Heath realized he’d been set up, but wondered how the Toddmans were involved.
“Actually we just met the other day. Seems we have something in common though. You see, neither of us care to tolerate your uncivilized behavior around more respectable folk. Apparently you don’t remember me, I’m Sergeant Matthew Bentell of the Confederate army, warden at Carterson Prison Camp.” He mockingly extended his hand. “Ring a bell?”
Heath’s memory was confusing him. He saw images of a young life fishing and riding with his brothers, his mothers death, his fathers embrace, Nick protecting him in some awful place, being tortured, being kissed good bye by his tearful mother.
“If you can’t remember the name Bentell, maybe you’ll remember what happens to prisoners that can’t be tamed.” Bentell nodded to the men, who advanced on Heath.
There was that name again, the one that had remained just out of reach all day. Heath’s eyes shifted from the couple on the wagon to the cowboys and back again. “Bentell,” Heath’s memory began focusing on his memories from Carterson. He had not been spared the terrible torture that robbed his youth. Nick was not there, he had been alone, sick and scared. This man before him had stolen his life as surely as he stole the lives of those who had died. His head began to pound.
In that moment of reflection, before Conners and Baker could grab him, Heath leapt at the man who had tortured and murdered the only people, besides The three women in Strawberry and his new family, who had ever cared about him and allowed him to get close to them. He propelled himself forward and heard the rifle fire, smelled the burnt gunpowder, and felt his body twist off his horse to fall hard on the ground as his right leg was propelled backwards by the force of a bullet.
Heath lay on the ground, staring up at the dark clouds. An eerie light was held captive between earth and sky as far off lightning tickled and teased the distant trees. The storm was riding the wind that blew over the young Barkley, who lay flat on his back surrounded by unleashed vengeance. Heath felt very much alone and unprotected under that sky.
Before Heath could focus his thoughts that were jarred from the force of the fall and impact of the bullet, Conners, the older and more ruthless of the two dismissed cowboys, took his sweaty bandana and shoved in Heath’s mouth.
“Let me have your bandana Baker, I ‘m gonna do this fella a favor and make sure he don’t forget his manners and say something he might regret.”
Baker did as he was asked, and Conners bound the gag around Heath’s mouth so tightly that Heath started to choke on the cloth that was being pressed back toward his throat. Heath was having trouble breathing. It seemed the harder he tried to pull in air the more panicked his breathing became. He knew he would have to control his breathing or he would never get enough air. His efforts failed as he continued to cough, he simply could not pull in enough air through his nose to keep himself conscious. The Bentell’s watched as Heath became hysterical writhing in the dirt trying to suck in air, until awareness left him. The crowd was transfixed by Heath’s futile struggle. Their attentive eyes watched as Heath’s unconscious body began to regulate itself as he remained still and color slowly returned to his lips. His face was pale, and cold and damp with the sweat of his distress. Heath began to come around and felt hands about his face, as the gag was removed from his mouth. He took in a deep breath and continued to swallow air as if it were water in a desert.
“No fair cheatin’ there, Heath. We aim to enjoy this so you better stay awake for awhile.” Conners gave Heath a hard boot to his bleeding leg. He turned over trying to avoid another kick. “I guess you’re gonna leave him a souvenir Bentell, there ain’t no exit hole on that leg.”
Baker slammed the toe of his boot into Heath’s stomach and watched his eyes lose focus before Heath curled his body into a ball. During the course of the cowboys’ attack, Heath was kicked mercilessly in the back, the leg, the head - anyplace he opened to them as he moved to protect himself. Heath could hear the familiar laughter that incited his promise to survive Bentell’s torture and kill him.
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Heath was still awake when the vindictive men yanked him upright and tossed him into the wagon. He had numbed himself to the attack as he had from many experiences in his life. He had learned to do at Carterson. Sometimes he wondered what real pain felt like. Conners tied the reins of the stallion to the wagon.
“Did you take care of the note?” Bentell asked.
“Sure did.” Conners reached into his pocket and withdrew the other half.
“Where’s the rest of it?”
“We left it. Said not to wait supper, he’d be back day after tomorrow.” Conners laughed. He rode over to wagon and sneered, “Love, Heath.”
“Boy, you got a good imagination! Think they care if you love them? They’re just putting up with the old man’s good time. They’ll be glad you’re not around to remind them.”
Heath closed his eyes and forced his anger deep inside.
Bentell was ready to leave. “You had your fun, now I get mine. A deals a deal. Go on now.”
“Thanks Bentell, you’ll take care of him, right? I can do it right now if you like.” Conners knew if Heath survived a jail cell was waiting for him.
“You have nothing to worry about, he won’t cause you anymore trouble.”
Heath was suddenly jolted from his fog by the movement of the wagon. The memories that chased him all day found him. He remembered Bentell, Carterson, his rage at Bentell’s presence in his home. Heath remembered the confusion he had caused his family at breakfast. He remembered the freedom he had found in his heart as the darkness was lost with memory. He remembered the look in his family’s eyes. Bentell was wrong.
Heath let memories of the past play out before him, like long forgotten friends. He allowed the wonderful memories Nick had shared with him during that time when they were bound in time and memory. Heath let tears fall for the joy he had received from the safety of Nick’s past, and the pain he remembered as Nick shut him out again.
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As night approached, he felt the cool rush of wind race through him. The scent of rainfall preceded its plummet as it began to stream from the sky. The rain felt good, as it pelted him with cool softness that enveloped him as the moisture soaked through his clothes. Heath relaxed into the present moment in which each labored breath strengthened his resolve to deny Bentell any satisfaction.
He felt the wagon turn from the main road and stop. Bentell jumped in the back and secured the poles to the wagon before pulling Heath off the back and securing him to a wheel. Bentell stood and set the tarp over top of the wagon. “The prisoners sleep outside.” Heath rolled himself under the wagon.
The storm was now raging. Thunder shook the ground and startled the horses. The drenching rain had saturated the road and Heath could see the wagon pitch and heave in the wind.
When his concentration relaxed, under the rhythmic trance of nature’s dance, his minds eye saw himself under an electric veil calling out to his brother. Heath’s mind held only one thought now. He knew Nick was searching for him.
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When the buggy arrived at the meadow, Jarrod saw his brother Nick and rode over to him. Nick barely took notice of his brother as he was having a hard time breathing.
“What’s wrong, are you okay, Nick?”
“I don’t…know…can’t breathe.”
Audra and Victoria joined Jarrod at Nick’s side and urged him off his horse. Jarrod eased him to the ground, so that he could lay flat, and loosened his shirt so he could breathe easier. Nick’s breathing did become easier and after a few minutes he was being helped upright. He put one hand on Coco’s saddle to lean on.
He tried to lighten the situation. “Phew, it just got real hard to breathe. I couldn’t breathe. I don’t know what happened. I must have gotten too much sun.” Nick looked at the sky threatening to let loose above them. Immediately he felt an inner crisis begin. “Looks like he’s headed home." I see Charger’s mark and the tracks are new.
Nick could tell the hoof prints were Charger’s because Heath had made special shoes for the family horses. Each one had a slight flaw, which would identify the horse. Nick remembered Heath telling him it was the same with people; they were always known by their flaws. Heath was finally with the family he had always yearned for, and was determined to hold on to each and every one of them. He felt marking the shoes would make tracking easier in case of, well just in case.
"He seems to be headed back to the ranch. I'm sure these tracks are Chargers.”
The family followed the tracks. Heath was headed back to the ranch.
“Why didn’t he tell us he was going home? Nick, is he all right?” Audra asked.
“I don’t know Sis.”
Nick was especially worried. He had shared so much of his brother’s life in those days and weeks following the lightning strike when fever, fear and shock ran through and between their bodies. Their dreams and thoughts had intertwined to make it hard to distinguish between them and if they were awake or dreaming. They shared their lives. A moment, a lifetime, a memory Nick had tucked them away, buried and tossed them aside. He’d had so much of his brother with him, that even after they woke and healed, he experienced moments in Heath’s past and even his present. Nick had sometimes known what Heath was thinking, but mostly what he was feeling. At first Nick was overcome by the glimpses of Carterson he had experienced with Heath. He wasn’t sure if they were his memories of Heath’s dreams or if Heath still suffered those memories so often during the day. Nick had a hard time understanding and accepting these intrusions into his heart. They were awful and he began to shut them out. He reserved his feelings toward his new “brother.” He viewed the experience and the interruptions it had brought to the ranch and his thoughts as an obligation. He accepted that there was an undeniable bond, but he tried to control it. He would push the images aside that he did not want to talk about, the bad parts in Heath’s life or anything personal. The feelings about his father’s infidelity were still very raw, and the suffering it caused Heath was too much to bear. He kept his new brother at arm’s length despite and because of the intimacy of their shared knowledge of each other’s past.
For Heath the opposite was true. He had a glimpse of the kind of father Tom Barkley had been and believed that had he known about Heath’s existence he would have loved him as well. The experiences of a childhood with a loving father and family, that he had gained from Nick, eased that pain and answered many questions he had feared to have answered. He was able to forgive Tom Barkley and begin to heal and trust his new family. After the storm Heath opened his heart and found a family that wanted him - a family who had been waiting for him to want them in return. Only Nick remained guarded and unsure of how to include Heath in his life.
Nick ran the ranch, was the boss, answered to no one and was sure that was the way he wanted it to continue. He learned to separate memories from present feeling and responded to the ones he knew were important. The ones that told Nick Heath needed help. The rest he pushed far back in his mind. Having a partner to share the work and responsibility of the ranch was one thing. Even being interrupted by the dangers that befell this new family member was something he accepted and felt gave him more control and distance between them. However, a brother, a soul to keep in his heart, was not what Nick considered Heath to be and by God he would protect his right to keep it that way. Heath had always accepted Nick’s behavior toward him, and seemed to understand and accept his place with Nick. Nick never doubted he was the boss, or that he could keep Heath out of his heart. Now he wasn’t so sure about either.
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As the Barkleys made their way back to the ranch, Audra’s thoughts returned to the aftermath of the storm that changed her life, her ideas about family, and her closeness with God. In that horrible moment when the incredible force of the lightning strike seized her brothers and bound them to each other and to the earth, she believed her God had forsaken her. Audra knew that death would take them all, eventually, but to take them both so violently and so young and to grab them both with God’s own hand was unconscionable. Especially Heath, whose life had been marred by unimaginable horrors, and yet maintained an undaunted spirituality and a great capacity for love. She realized how shallow her faith was when it could be shaken so easily. She prayed for their lives and struggled deeply with the possibility of their deaths.
Heath had been so sick and battered. Audra sat by his side everyday and read to him from the bible, trying to find understanding and guidance, but she was lost and afraid, and every time Heath would cry out she felt detached from beliefs she had never had to question before. She could not reconcile her reality with her faith. She remember how scared and alone she felt for the first time in her life. More than the death of her brothers, she feared a life abandoned by God.
Those first few days after Heath awoke, when he was unable to hear or see clearly, she took his hand and found strength and comfort there. She took his hand and watched as he held on with all of his strength, not wanting to be alone. She realized again that God was always holding her hand too. Without hearing or seeing him, she only had to accept and take hold of the hand that was always there for her. She held on to that hand tightly as they rode toward home.
When they arrived at the ranch, they discovered that Charger was in his stall and felt a small wave of relief was over him. "I knew that was Charger I tracked. I helped Heath put the mark on the right front shoe.” The whole family agreed. They all knew each others’ identifying mark, just like they knew each others’ flaws, which sometimes seemed the greatest gifts, the traits they would miss the most. The horses and buggy were left with Ciego for attendance. The Barkleys all needed to see Heath with their own eyes. Victoria and Audra jumped from the buggy and ran for the house. As they entered, they called out his name hoping for a response.
Nick and Jarrod came into the house as Victoria finished reading the note she found on the table. She then read to her children.
Don’t wait supper, but I’ll be home day after tomorrow. Don’t worry, it’s just a little rain.
Love
Heath
“I don’t like it Mother,” said Nick. “I’m going to look for him. I shoulda never let him outta my sight today.”
...Continued
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