Memento

Going Forward in Reverse

It rained throughout the entire trip. The Metro Gold Line in California going across Los Angeles County is damn near empty. No one is in the car that Shadow resides in. He wears his entrance attire leather jacket, which is dripping rainwater. His hair is matted to his face as he sits in a chair alone, his chin in the palms of his hands. There is a pool of water on the floor around him. Silence fills the rail car as Shadow just sits there in anguish. Beside him is an envelope, manila and wet. But the type will not all water to soak through the outside. Shadow leaves the envelope there as he just sits, stewing in the water that beads down the leather jacket. He never moves…

The sound of flesh smacking against leather is heard resonating off the wall. Shadow still is dripping with water. This time however, he is drenched with sweat. His blonde hair drapes down his face, covering his eyes as he lowers his head and sweat pours to the floor. A raging howl fills the air as Shadow drives his fists over and over into the punching bag in his stale gymnasium. The bare white walls enhance the echoing sounds of his anger. Shadow does nothing but expel sweat and punches while he pays no attention to the world around him. The room is empty except for Shadow. In fact the only things out of place in the room is Shadow’s coat, draped over a chair and the brown envelope on the apron of Shadow’s personal wrestling ring. The letter is closed as Shadow continues to hammer away at the punching bag. It has been wrapped several times in specific areas with industrial duct tape. Shadow has used this particular punching bag for several years. Now he is throwing wild punches in anger hitting the bag where ever he can, still he never misses a single shot.

“Shadow?” Slade’s voice is barely audible as he enters the house through the front door. He listens quietly to the sounds of impact filling the house.

Craven closes the front door behind him as he walks into the house and slowly creeps through the house. He doesn’t know what happened on Shadow’s trip, but he does know that it apparently did not go well. A loud roar of seething anger fills the house and sends a chill up Slade’s spine. He rarely knows his partner to be in this state of mind. As Craven makes his way across the house he wonders what could have possibly possessed his tag partner to twist him into such a state of mind. Craven reaches the outside of the gym, and the stench of the stale air permeates his nostrils. He turns his head in shock at the fact that the place has not been ventilated properly. He cracks open the door to step inside.

Shadow knocks on the fifth floor apartment door of Dita Morgan’s loft. He stands on the doormat dripping with precipitation. Shadow doesn’t say anything as he waits, resting his hand on the door frame, waiting for Dita to open the door. It took him forever to find her, it happened by accident. Someone from W.A.W. who he was still friends with, Sadie Sampson, saw Dita back in Los Angeles. She contacted Shadow and told him where to find her. He has not seen or heard from her in months. He knocks on the door again, leaving a single drop or water to roll down the red painted oak door. Shadow looks down at the doormat which reads “Manchester United.”

“Dita?” Shadow calls out as he knocks on the door louder. “Are you there?”

His voice is not depressed more worried than anything else, it even teems with excitement at the idea of seeing her again. Especially after what happened in her automobile accident several months ago. Her past came back to bite her in the ass. She disappeared without a trace, except one, a note that says “Don’t worry, I’ll find you Shadow - Dita” He takes a step back without any words. He starts to pace first, wondering what might be going on. There is no movement, or noise from the other side of the door. He doesn’t know what to do. Shadow looks at the door then calls out.

“Dita, I’m coming in.”

Shadow steps towards the door and delivers his powerful big boot attack to the door kicking it off its hinges. The wood splinters and flies back into the living room.

Slade looks at his tag team partner from across the gymnasium. He doesn’t recognize Shadow. Not at first at least. Off hand, Shadow looks like he did when he debuted in wrestling, brutal, savage. A destructive force that eliminated anyone who stood in his path. Handicap, tag, royal rumble, triple threat, singles, it didn’t matter. Shadow slaughtered anyone who he deemed was a roadblock. Shadow took on dozens of opponents and left them all laying in their own egos. He had no remorse back then, and now the same aura is cast over the Beast they called Shadow. His teeth are gritted and you can tell Shadow tastes the sweat on his own lips. Shadow cares for nothing around himself right now. His blood is pumping, and breathing is now shallower. He needs to rest, God knows how long his fists have been hammering their way through the leather and tape containing the sand. Shadow knows Slade is there. There was a slight change in the air of the gymnasium when Slade opens the door. A brief gust cooled the sweat on his back as Craven walked inside. Shadow doesn’t want Slade in the room, he does not want to be bothered by the stupid questions that are inevitable. Slade will want to know what happened in Los Angeles. But there are no words to describe what happened when Shadow entered Dita’s flat. Craven does not seem afraid of Shadow though, despite his knowledge of his tag partner’s volatile nature. Slade crosses the gymnasium slowly, his footsteps are damn near silent. He is not trying to sneak up on Shadow, instead Slade does not want to break his partner’s concentration. He eyes the envelope on the edge of Shadow’s ring. Slade opens his mouth to speak.

The door is driven to the wooden floor and slides into the opposing wall with a loud crash. Shadow heaves and takes a deep breath as he finally crosses the threshold and enters Dita’s apartment. The doormat made it apparent the place was hers, she used to have a mat like that, but whether or not she lived there now it made no difference. There is no doubt the loft’s appearance has changed drastically, from when Dita might have lived there. A look of disbelief slips over Shadow’s face as he sees the place, the apartment is modeled the same way her old one was. Everything looked identical. The build must have used the same engineer. But now, aside for the shattered door, is completely empty. He is stunned, flabbergasted even. He slowly looks out into the hallway and down to the doormat to make sure he is in the right loft. Then he thinks back to the day Dita cooked him dinner there. His eyes wash the room to the way he remembered it. A long pink sofa facing the wall with Dita’s Phillips flat screen. Her throw rug of the Union Jack laying on the floor and a small table with two chair in the little nook. But after a few seconds the room melts back to the empty place that it is. He walks through the apartment with a blank expression drenched in rainwater. Outside, a crackle or thunder causes the walls to shake. Shadow doesn’t know how to react.

“Dita?” He asks the room.

Shadow walks through the apartment, he starts by going down the hallway to the one bedroom. Like the rest of the domicile, its bare. Shadow heads to every room one by one and finds each to be empty. He begins running through the rooms, almost as if he thinks it will change back and Dita will be standing there. Finally he stops and looks at the kitchen. On the counter is something he missed. A simple, plain manila envelope. Shadow is very human at this moment. The powerful beast Shadow slightly trembles as he reaches for the envelope on the counter top. Shadow picks it up and looks it over. There is no name on it. Shadow knows though that it is for him, he has no doubts that the contents are troubling and that he does not want to know what is inside.

“Want to talk about it?” Slade asks bravely as he approaches the irate man.

No response comes from Shadow’s mouth as he continues to swing at the punching bag. Slade slowly slips his hand onto the apron and picks up the envelope. He does not open it and nor does Shadow’s attention divert. Its obvious he doesn’t want to answer such a redundant question. Craven continue to move, this time behind the punching bag. He watches Shadow for a few moments before opening the flap and looking at contents. He sighs slowly, then takes a deep breath as he pull out a single page letter and begins to read silently.

Shadow stands in the middle of the empty apartment looking at the letter His wet hair drips water down onto the paper. He silently reads as well, but Dita’s voice fills the air.

“Dear Seann,


I wish I could be there to explain this in person. There are no words to describe the thoughts and
emotions firing inside you right now. Know that I have not left you. Hopefully that quells some of
the paranoia. But I had to leave the States, I wanted to tell you but I couldn‘t risk the meeting.
Had we been there together right now, it would have jeopardized everything. I am searching for
an answer Seann, something I cannot find here. It is not about us, it is about myself. Please do not
be angry with me, or yourself, you didn‘t do anything wrong. I will return one day. I wish I could
say when, but there is no idea how fast this process will progress. With any luck, we shall be
reunited again soon my dear. I think of you everyday, looking forward to the day I can apologize
for leaving so abruptly. I hold you in my heart Seann, and hope you will continue to do the same
for me in the days to come.

Love always,
Judita.

The voice fades away, as does Shadow’s stoic figure in the center of the empty apartment. It merges with a short of breath version of the man in that apartment. Slade slips the letter back into the envelope as Shadow sprays sweat from his mouth when he exhales. The punching bag sways on its chain. Slade moves around the bag and as he does so, he sets the letter back on the edge of the ring. He steps in front of the punching bag, trying to calm Shadow down.

“Listen…’ Slade begins

A roar escapes Shadow’s lungs as he lunges at Slade with a powerful punch. “The Main Man” ducks quickly as Shadow’s fist collides with the bag tearing another hole in the duct tape. Slade moves behind Shadow who turns like Frankenstein’s monster towards his tag partner.

“Whoa!” Slade says. “You don’t want to do this!”

Shadow reels back to throw another, he thinks about New Year‘s when Craven hit him. It was when Dita first left Shadow was locked in a hotel not responding to anyone. Slade hit Shadow to wake him up and bring him back to reality. Craven shouldn’t have stuck his nose in his business, this was Shadow’s problem, no one else’s Slade puts up both hands and gets into a fighting stance as Shadow’s hand comes down. Craven catches Shadow’s hand with both of his, but the force that the big man puts behind his fist brings Slade’s back knee to the ground. He struggles as Shadow yells something unintelligible to no one while the tries to push his fist through Slade’s hands and into his face. Craven grunts as he tries to push himself of his knee, trying to get back up, but Shadow’s strength is unimaginable right now, even after the expended energy that Shadow has used.

“Don’t do this!” Slade yells at his friend.

Another roar rips from Shadow’s lungs as he pushes with all his might just as Slade does. Craven is able to hold out and push himself off his knee and send Shadow stumbling back. Shadow comes at him again but Slade catches his arm this time and flips Shadow with an arm drag. The big man is back on his feet in seconds as Slade grabs the leaking punching bag and swings it at his partner. Shadow throws a fourth punch this time driving into the punching bag. His fist is now lodged in the sand. Slade reaches around the bag and grabs Shadow’s arm holding it and keeping the Beast at bay. Slade wait’s a second and yells at Shadow.

“You want to fight? That what you want to do? Huh? You want to fight your best friend, or do you want to be smart? Think! Put that anger where it belongs, you put it in the ring. Don’t waste it here! You think Dita wants you to waste your time hwre until she gets back? Or would she rather you do what you do best. You put that anger, all that rage against Level One and Strange. You make them feel the pain you feel right now! Because they could care less and they will make you feel worse than you ever could. You either take them out or get taken out!”

Shadow tries to jerk his arm free. He can feel the sand cutting his flesh. Slade holds Shadow by the elbow pad, not letting his arm slip free.

“Listen to me!” Slade says, “You have so much power Shadow, so much strength, don’t waste it on something like this. You wear yourself down and what would Dita…”

“Dita left!” Shadow yells at his long time friend.
“Not forever,” Slade tries to calm him down. Shadow’s arm is struggling to get free.

“You don’t know…”

Craven reaches around and smacks Shadow hard across the face with and open fist. The sound is loud, almost like a special effects punches, but Shadow’s reddening cheek shows it was real.

“I do know,” Slade says flatly. “Stacy left me after I fired her on screen. She up and left Shadow, you know that! No excuse, no reason, no promise to return. She was gone, Dita is not gone forever. She promised to return and she has always kept a promise that I know of. She stayed clean, she stayed sober. She fought alongside us, I doubt she is just throwing that away. Now wake up!”

Shadow struggles again as Slade hits him again.

“You listen to me Seann.” Slade rarely calls his tag partner by his real first name Craven continues to yell loudly at his partner trying to get through Shadow's fog of seething anger. “Goddammit you better listen good! You keep fighting me and you will lose everything. Your friends and Dita, forever. You do not bury you’re the people you care about, you bury the ones you hate! You hear me?! Use this anger, use it to take down Strange! Do you think he cares? Do you think any of them do? What are you trying to prove here? All you have to do is be consistent. It’s what you’re good at. You can’t change that now. You do this and you turn you back on who you are. You’re Shadow man, the biggest baddest ‘som bitch’ alive. You break now, you break over this and your enemies will have a field day., They will tear you apart emotionally. Do you honestly think Strange gives two flying rat’s asses what’s going on? He is going to pick you apart and turn it all against you, he will break you if you do not fight this. You put it where it belongs, not on yourself god dammit! This is your time Shadow. Dita understands that, its why she didn’t tell you because she knew you’d give up everything to follow her. This is something she has to do herself. Now it is your time to do what you do best. You won that title, whether it was for yourself, her or the fans, prove that you are who the fans and I say you are. Take yourself to that level. Do not stop now!”

Craven decks him third time. Shadow’s adrenaline starts to fade as he drops to a knee now. He is exhausted. Craven takes a second and releases Shadow’s arm, letting him pull it out of the punching bag. His forearm is covered in wet sand and tiny cuts. Slade walks away from Shadow, who holds his arm up by gripping the hole in the bag. Sand pours out though. Slade walks over to the nearest cooler and grabs it then tosses it on Shadow. The lukewarm water washes his arm off and lets Shadow fall back to the floor. Slade takes a second then extends his hand to help us his friend. Shadow reaches up with a bloody hand and takes Slade’s. Craven pulls him to his feet.

“Tha…” Shadow begins, trying to catch his breath, “Thank you.”

He gasps for breath. Shadow was running off pure adrenaline. He was a house of fire, and now the water and the time has gotten him to slow down, to focus. Slade lets Shadow lean against the ring while he goes and gets him a chair.

“You sure she’ll be back?” Shadow asks.

‘Yes,” Slade says. “Until then you keep you attention on those who would use this against you. The Strange, he wants this information, you know he does, he wants you weak. You give him and Level One nothing, you understand me, but you take everything you can from them. All this hatred, all the rage, you channel it and make them pay for it, make them pay for what you‘ve lost. This is your time Shadow, not mine. Everyone in the ring has it in for you, Level One, Strange hell even your partner. You have to go beyond them, protect yourself and get yourself home. Shadow you‘re ina war now. Everything you‘ve lost, everything you have won. It‘s all on the line soon Shadow. What you‘re going through is just a trial, the real challenge is coming at Test for the Best. You just fed your enemies everything they need to come after you, and they will. You have to turn it back on them. Otherwise you will not survive this, mentally and maybe even physically. Strange wants to end you, that’s what he is gunning for. He could care less about the title, your streak, your gold that doesn’t matter to a guy like him. You have to be the Beast, or you will be beaten.”

Shadow nods as Slade produces a bottle of water that he pulled from the lukewarm cooler. Shadow takes it and takes a slow sip, knowing if he chugs it he will puke. He spits out the water then does it again. He looks at Slade who extends his hand again. Shadow reaches out and grasps Slade’s hand once more, they shake hands as Shadow rests in the chair. No matter what Slade says, he cannot get his mind off Dita. He looks at the letter in the ring, wondering where Dita has gone, and if she will ever come home…