In a way that will blow you senseless

Dedicated to Taramine, who is a big fan of the plays.

Quasimodo: Plato

Esmerelda: Rumpleteazer

Phoebus: Mungojerrie

Frollo: Pouncival

Clopin (Narrator): Mistoffelees

Gargoyles

Laverne: Jennyanydots

Hugo: Pouncival

Victor: Skimble

Arch Deacon: Deuteronomy

Soldiers: Tumblebrutus and Alonzo

Director: Jequenia

Assistant Director: Saphinora

Producers: Cassandra and Demeter

Script: Rum Tum Tugger

Special Effects: Tantomile and Coricopat

Scenery and Props: Admetus

Lights and Music: Victoria and Etcetera

Costumes: Jennyanydots

Makeup: Bombalurina

The Hunchback of Notre dame

Act 1

Introduction

(the curtain opens to reveal Notre Dame. Townspeople are running around, and soldiers litter the streets looking for gypsies. We focus on the stand of Clopin, the narrator for this story)

Mistoffelees/Clopin: Hello! I am Clopin, a gypsy. The soldiers you see now are too stupid to realize that, so I guess I’m pretty well off! This is the tale of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It all starts in Paris, France. The bad guy, Judge Claud Frollo…

Pouncival/Frollo: Alright! I’m Claud! I AM the Claud Mon!

Tugger (offstage): Shut up! You’re ruining the opening, you dip!

Tumblebrutus/Soldier: Did Misto just call us soldiers stupid?

Alonzo/Soldier: Probably. That’s why he’s gonna get it when we’re done with this play.

Mistoffelees: ANYWAY…. Frollo has a bad temper and hates ugly people. When he finds Quasimodo…

Plato/Quasimodo (whining): All this makeup is going to ruin my fur! Bomb, are you sure that this stuff washes off?

Bombalurina (offstage): Yes, of course I’m sure. I use it all the time.

Pouncival: Ewww! You’re not supposed to share makeup!

Mistoffelees: CAN I JUST CONTINUE?

Jequenia/Director: Calm down Misto. It’s not the end of the world. You know how weird this group is….

Mistoffelees (grumbling): Oh boy do I know.

Pouncival: Cool! Did you know that you were weird, Pouncival? (in a deeper voice) No I didn’t Pouncival. Why didn’t you tell me? (switching back to his normal voice) I didn’t know that you wanted to know!

Saphinora/Assistant Director: Go on Mistof. Try to ignore Pouncival unless he’s just blown the place up.

Mistoffelees: When Frollo finds Quasimodo, he wants to shove him down the well. (mumbling) And I want to shove Frollo down a well.

Pouncival: I couldn’t shove Plato down a well if I wanted to! He’s too big.

Plato: Hey!

Pouncival (in a sing-song voice): He’s too big and I’m too small. La la la la laaaa!

Mistoffelees: But the Archdeacon stops Frollo from doing that so Frollo keeps Quasimodo locked up in the bell tower.

Pouncival: Yeah, I’m a meeaann, nasty person! (pauses) But I like bells. Sometimes, if it’s big enough, I stick my head in there and pretend I’m the little ball that knocks against the sides and it makes a pretty noise. Or sometimes I….

Jequenia: Okay! Pouncival, we get the picture.

Saphinora: A very small one, but we get the picture.

Pouncival: Oh. I could make it bigger if that would help.

Demeter (muttering from offstage): You are such a freak.

Mistoffelees: …And this is where our story begins, 20 years later.

Pouncival: Yeah! 20 years later. Ummmm….how old am I now?

Mistoffelees: That doesn’t matter, now does it?

Pouncival: No, but I want to know if I should act like I’m a shriveled up ol’ prune.

Jellylorum (offstage): Ha. Ha. That’s very funny.

Pouncival: Really? I thought you hated that.

Jellylorum: I’m being sarcastic!

Pouncival: Oh. You need to make that more clear.

Mistoffelees: We see the bell tower where Quasimodo has been stuck in for 20 long years. In his mind, Frollo had sentenced Quasimodo for a lifetime ringing the bells of Notre Dame.

Pouncival (in a sing-song way): Ding, dong, the witch is dead! The weirdo witch, the wicked witch! Ding, dong, the wicked witch is dead!

Jequenia: Pounce? We need you to be quiet now.

Pouncival: Okay. Gotcha.

Mistoffelees: And now, the grand tale of the Hunchback of Notre Dame begins!

Bombalurina (whispering): Tugger, I never knew that you could use words like that!

Tugger (modestly): Yeah, well, it had to come out sometime. (taking Bomb’s hand) You know, I dedicated this script to you.

Bombalurina (giggling): Oh Tugger! You shouldn’t have!

Pouncival: Ewwww! Tugger’s getting all sentimental! (getting down on his knees, imitating Tugger) Oh Bomb! I love you. Will you marry me? (getting up) I never thought I would see the day that Tugger gets all mushy.

Saphinora: Don’t you ever close your mouth? (to Jequenia) Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking when I signed onto this job.

Jequenia: I know what you mean.

Mistoffelees: Let me try this again. And now, the grand tale of the Hunchback of Notre Dame begins!

(introduction over. Act 1 officially begins)

Back to Hysterical Cats
Back Home