In a way that will blow you senseless.
Quasimodo: Plato
Esmerelda: Rumpleteazer
Phoebus: Mungojerrie
Frollo: Pouncival
Clopin (Narrator): Mistoffelees
Gargoyles
Laverne: Jennyanydots
Hugo: Pouncival
Victor: Skimble
Arch Deacon: Deuteronomy
Soldiers: Tumblebrutus and Alonzo
Director: Jequenia
Assistant Director: Saphinora
Producers: Cassandra and Demeter
Script: Rum Tum Tugger
Special Effects: Tantomile and Coricopat
Scenery and Props: Admetus
Lights and Music: Victoria and Etcetera
Costumes: Jennyanydots
Makeup: Bombalurina
The hunchback of Notre dame
Act 1 (Curtain opens. Spotlight shines on Mistoffelees, who is seated on a stool and strumming a banjo. Behind him is a backdrop painted to look like a village square.)
Mistoffelees/Clopin: Welcome, good traveler. I am here. Here to tell a tale. Here to tell a tale of Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame!
(Lights dim. Loud bells are heard echoing dramatically. Misto opens his mouth to say something, but is cut short by a sudden thunk, clang, and a timid “Oops.”)
Mistoffelees (glares at someone offstage): What happened?
Jequenia/Director: Pouncival tripped over the bells again!
Pouncival: It wasn’t me…really! It was…(takes a deep breath, then sings) The Phantom of the O-per-a…Mwahahaha!
Jequenia: Wrong play Pounce. (long pause) Um…Pounce? Pouncival!
Saphinora/Assistant Director: Great. We lost him.
(Pouncival is suddenly seen walking across the stage with a large bell over his head and a bucket on his paw, arms outstretched)
Pouncival: I’m blind, I’m blind!
(He stumbles around, the bucket “clunk-clunking” with every step. He ends up running into the stool Mistoffelees is sitting on.)
Mistoffelees: Hey! Hey, lemme go!
(Trying to steady himself, Mistoffelees grabs hold of the scenery. Pouncival trips, pulling Misto and the backdrop to the ground with him. Alonzo and Tugger, who were positioned high up backstage to help with lighting, come tumbling down with the scenery. Tumblebrutus starts to fall with them, but grabs hold of a cord to stop himself. His plan doesn’t work too well. He ends up tugging the cord loose, which just so happens to be an electrical cord, causing a blackout.)
All: POUNCIVAL!
Pouncival (sniffles): But it wasn’t me…really!
Jequenia (moaning): Oh, why did I agree to do this?
Saphinora: Amen.
Tugger: Alonzo, get your fat butt off my face!
Tumblebrutus: Ow, Pounce, you’re on my tail!
Alonzo: Can’t be my butt, ‘cuz my butt ain’t fat!
Saphinora (whispering): Let’s see how many times they use the word “butt”.
Pouncival: Maybe if I can find a plug for this cord…
Mistoffelees: Pounce, I hate to break it to you, but that’s no cord. It’s MY TAIL!!!
Tugger: Well, then whose butt is it?
Saphinora: …four…
Pouncival: Oops. Sorry. (let’s go)
Mistoffelees: Thank you! (crawls out from under the scenery and magically turns the lights back on)
(the Toms sit up, blinking and rubbing their bruises)
Tugger (shoves Tumblebrutus off his head): Ah-hah! It was Tumble’s butt!
Tumblebrutus: Will you stop it with the butt thing!
Saphinora: …six…
Tugger: You’re just mad because you have a fat, ugly butt, and mine is…(looks down at his own rear) …and mine is pretty darn good-looking!
Tumblebrutus: Is not!
Tugger: Is too!
Etcetera (from offstage): I think you have a really nice butt, Tugger!
Saphinora: …eight…
Jequenia: People, people, keep in mind that this is a LIVE show. Our audience didn’t come here to watch you argue over butts.
Pouncival (whining): But our only audience is Old D! (Old Deuteronomy waves from his seat)
Old D: Actually, I don’t mind. It’s quite entertaining. (chuckles)
(everyone stares at him)
Saphinora: Okaaay…
Pouncival: He’s not really the audience. He’s the Arch Deacon.
Jequenia: Pouncival! Get where you are supposed to be. (shouting) Okay! Can we continue this play!
Whole Cast: Yeah!
Jequenia: Okay! (slumping down in her chair, muttering to herself) Now I know why we had to keep Rumpleteazer in a straitjacket for a week after she directed Snow White.
(cast gets back in place)
Mistoffelees: We will go find Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and watch the tale unfold.
(Scenery changes to look like the inside of the bell tower. Audience sees Quasimodo ringing the bells)
Plato/Quasimodo: Oh, woe is me. I have been locked up for 20 years and ringing bells forever and a day.
Tugger: Hey! That’s not what the script says. I know that ‘cuz I wrote it.
Plato: Your lines were bad, so I made up my own.
Tugger: Why’d ya do that? My script was as darn good-lookin’ as my be-hind.
Tumblebrutus: That’s why he changed it.
Pouncival: Oooh, Tugger’s gonna be mad now! You insulted his personal items.
Jequenia: Can we just get back to the play? PLEASE! (throws a glare at Tugger)
Plato: Here comes Judge Claud Frollo. He thinks he’s my master.
(Frollo enters)
Pouncival/Frollo: (he enters and paces around in circles nobly, wrinkling his nose at Plato. He talks in an exaggerated, deep voice) Ah, but you are the one who is delusional my boy. Compared to me and all my greatness, you are just a little green turd I can step on.
Plato: Oh, I’m sorry! How could I have forgotten your greatness? (he kneels before Frollo and kisses the ground) I worship the ground you stand on! I beg of your forgiveness, oh Great and Mighty One!
Pouncival: That’s okay, Quasi. (he winks at Jequenia) Thanks for signing me up on this job!
Jequenia (sarcastically): Don’t mention it.
Pouncival (clearing his throat): Now, get up. I am grateful that you worship me and honor me…isn’t that just so cool? Someone actually worships and honors me!…but you need to get on with your petty little life, while I get on with my great, huge, evil life that I love! Goodbye! I’ll be down on the ground in case you need me. (he exits)
Mistoffelees: And so goes Frollo. He is an evil, evil man, in case you haven’t been paying attention. Quasimodo is just a poor little guy that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. That about sums up Act 1! I’ll see you in Act 2!
(curtain closes. Act 1 is over)
Go to Act 2!
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