In a way that will blow you senseless.

Quasimodo: Plato

Esmerelda: Rumpleteazer

Phoebus: Mungojerrie

Frollo: Pouncival

Clopin (Narrator): Mistoffelees

Gargoyles

Laverne: Jennyanydots

Hugo: Pouncival

Victor: Skimble

Arch Deacon: Deuteronomy

Soldiers: Tumblebrutus and Alonzo

Director: Jequenia

Assistant Director: Saphinora

Producers: Cassandra and Demeter

Script: Rum Tum Tugger

Special Effects: Tantomile and Coricopat

Scenery and Props: Admetus

Lights and Music: Victoria and Etcetera

Costumes: Jennyanydots

Makeup: Bombalurina

(Curtain opens on Plato/Quasimodo who is ringing the bells for about the umpteenth billion time)

Plato: (sticks out his tongue at the bells) Stupid bells. Never liked them, anyway. Too loud and WAY too big.

Mistoffelees/Clopin: Quasimodo rings the stupid bells every single day of his life. And once every year comes the Feast of Fools. He absolutely LOVES and ADORES it. Don’t ask me why, that’s just the way the story goes.

Pouncival: (offstage) Maybe ‘cause he’s a fool?

Mistoffelees: (glaring at Pouncival) And once Frollo leaves the bell tower, Quasimodo’s gargoyle friends come to life and keep his social life up to date.

(we hear a clumping noise and see Pouncival/Hugo, Skimble/Victor, and Jennyanydots/Laverne clomp into view)

Pouncival/Hugo: Hey Quasi! How goes up here in the middle of nowhere?

Plato: Hi guys! What’s my social life up to today?

Pouncival: Hate to break it to you, but you don’t HAVE a social life.

Plato: Oh yeah. And it’s all because I’m ugly and horrible and wretched and weird and…

Skimble/Victor: Okay! We get your point here.

Plato: Sorry.

Jennyanydots/Laverne: Did you see the Feast of Fools down there?

Plato: (glumly) Yeah. But I can’t go to it because I’m ugly and horrible and…

Pouncival: Don’t start that again!

Plato: Oops. Didn’t mean to.

Pouncival: That’s ‘kay. (changing the subject) Didja know that if you disguise yourself you could go down there? Then nobody would know that you’re ugly and horrible and wretched…

Skimble: (moaning) Don’t you start now!

Plato: (brightening) That’s a superduper idea! Thanks, man! (hurries offstage, waving goodbye) Bye! See you later!

Saphinora: (whispering) Did he just say superduper?

Pouncival: BRING ME SOME COTTON CANDY!

Mistoffelees: And so Quasimodo heads off for the Feast of Fools to have fun and bring Pouncival some cotton candy. He’s not afraid, because he has a superduper fail-safe idea that’ll SUPPOSEDLY keep him safe. Truthfully, I don’t believe that’ll happen because Pouncival came up with it.

Pouncival: Hey! And I’m not Pouncival. I’m HUGO! Or Pouncugo, whichever you think is cooler.

Mistoffelees: Let’s go find Quasimodo right now, and see if he’s having a ‘superduper’ time.

(scene changes to a street full of hustle and bustle, and assorted commotion)

Tugger: (proudly) I got the hustle and bustle thing from Aladdin.

Pouncival: Cheater! You’re not supposed to do that!

Tugger: Well, you did it.

Pouncival: Yeah? But Disney gave me their permission!

Tugger: (sarcastically) I’m sure they did.

(ANYWAY… The Feast of Fools is in full blast, and we see Quasimodo huddled in the crowds)

Plato: (muttering) Oh, this is just perfect. So many people! Someone could look closer and see my ugly and horrible and wretched and weird face!

Rumpleteazer/Esmerelda: (dryly) I’m sure someone will.

Plato: Eeek! You’ve seen my face! Why aren’t you running in fear?

Rumpleteazer: Because I’ve seen uglier things in my life.

Plato: You have? Oh. (he looks disappointed) Darn. There goes my record.

Rumpleteazer: Look. Jus’ stop thinkin’ abou’ the crowd and ‘ave a good time.

Plato: Okay. (pauses) But who are you?

Rumpleteazer: Oh! I’m Esmerelda, gypsy, dancer, whatever.

Plato: Hi! I’m Quasimodo. Um, my occupation is an ugly bell ringer whose life is really down in the pits.

Rumpleteazer: I gotta get over there. ‘Ere, come with me. I’m gonna be dancin’ in a minute. You can watch, an’ afterwards we can discuss your paranoia with other people.

Plato: OH, that would be just superduper!

Mistoffelees: So Quasimodo heads off with Esmerelda to go watch the show.

Plato: (excited) Look at all these PEOPLE! Are they ugly too?

Rumpleteazer: No, they’re not. (pauses) Oh, it’s my turn! See ya in a few.

(she disappears into the crowd)

Plato: I’m all alone! No one to talk to. Gasp! What if somebody SEES me? Then I’ll be in big humongus trouble. Big-shot Frollo will throw me out of the bell tower! Then where will I go? What will I do? OOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mistoffelees: And as Quasimodo has a nervous breakdown or something, Frollo is just arriving at the Festival. And he’s in a really bad mood.

Pouncival: Look at all these fools. Having such a good time and all. Humbug! Baaaaaa humbug! I should make a law that says people can’t have fun. (scans the crowd) Hey, that’s a pretty hot babe over there. What the…who’s the guy in the cloak with the lumpy back? (pauses) Heyyy, that’s Quasimodo! (yelling) HEY QUASI! HOW’S IT GOING?

Plato: EEEEEEKKK!!!!!!!! It’s Frollo, my mean and evil master!

(he scrambles away, back to the bell tower)

Pouncival: Wonder what he’s doing out here. Huh. I’ll have to ask him about that…waiiit a second. Didn’t I tell him to never leave the bell tower? He’s going to be getting a nice long talk about that. Anyway, LET’S PARTY!!!

Mistoffelees: So we leave Frollo and Quasimodo in this strange, messed up situation. See you in Act 3!

(curtain closes, Act 2 is over)

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