3:02pm
I don't have to go swimming. I don't even have to step in the water. It doesn't matter whether or not I'm wearing my bathers. I could sit here for hours watching the waves. I won't do anything more fulfilling on this trip than be here. Jody travels to "meet interesting people, shop some great markets and have fantastic food." I'd be content without any of those. I'd rather have the ocean. I've been considering the possibility that that's a copout, but I really don't think it is. I just like it here best.
Except the wind never ends and sometimes that's bad.
Today it's been six months since the day Shaughn and I met. It also counts as the day of our "first date", the day I first ate a mango and, for all intents and purposes, the day we first fell in love (every day we fall in love again).
I've never been with anyone for six months before. Five was my previous record. That is a long time I guess, but not when you compare it to the lifetime we will spend together.
He rang me this morning for the occasion. It was technically still the 26th in Canada, but we decided to sacrifice sentimentality for convenience. His dad found a good overseas phone deal so we were able to talk for quite a long time rather inexpensively. It is so good to hear him speak. We promised we wouldn't take each other's voices for granted once I get home and will make a point of regularly secluding ourselves and our words and our bodies to celebrate them. We had a very inclusive conversation of all aspects of our relationship. He got some bad advice from one of his friend and some good advice from another and needed me to sort things out for him. We talked about the home we'll have together soon, things that thrill me like furniture and dishes and household appliances. We talked about music and Leonard Cohen. About how people understand (or more often misunderstand) the way we love each other, of instinct and trust and of taking things as they come and applying them to the people we want to be for each other. It was thorough.
It was funny when he called. I sat very still waiting for the phone to ring, then moved faster than necessary to answer it. He sounded relieved when I spoke. He told me he'd been nervous about calling, but then became frustrated with the complicated series of numbers he was required to dial and forgot his nerves.
Robert is gone today and will be so all thru the week doing his movie stuff. He may come home on the weekend. I'd like him to come see the penguins with us. He will get to spend a lot of time with Souraya and that will be good. I think. He doesn't tell me things about her anymore. We left each other akwardly at an intersection part way to the beach in one direction, part way to the train station in the other. "Have a good time," I said. "You too," he replied. The whole thing was pretty telling.
I wanted to get a few things done yesterday that never happened. Today I have no ambition beyond what I'm doing right now. Today I feel like I'm on vacation. 3:52pm
4:14pm
There are stickers for a white supremesist group encouraging people to "Save the White Race" on garbage bins and sign posts all around Frankston beach. It scares me in the daylight. I tear them down and throw them in the trash.
6:47pm
Alex is insanely hyper having enough fun for three people outside in the swimming pool. Angela is worried he'll get too excited and hurt himself. She's much too young to be so parental. Alex is lucky to have her.
8:29pm
My days here start at 9am and are finished shortly after tea. I have little desire to do anything here that doesn't involve sunlight. I know it's time to stop playing guitar when I can no longer read my lyrics by the light through the window.
to Tuesday, November 28, 2000
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oz = can
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