“I can’t believe I’m actually going to tell somebody,” Jessica thought, placing her head down on Taylor’s warm shoulder again. Ever since the incident happened, Jessica had always promised herself that that would never happen. It would just be too hard, and besides, she didn’t want anyone to know how weakened she had become by it. She had to be strong or she would lose her mind. She began to tell Sarah about it once, but failed miserably when her eyes started tearing. She had said it was just allergies at the time...but still she had a feeling that Sarah knew somewhat though. At least about someone hurting her.
But soon, the feeling to keep it a secret declined in time, and now she didn’t care who it was anymore that knew. Just that they knew! Telling someone would take the tons of brick off Jessica’s back that she had been carrying this entire time.
Pretty soon, that night fled to the back of Jessica’s mind as Taylor again started rubbing baby circles up and down her back. Her mother used to do that when she was little to soothe her, and now he was taking up the chore...in a whole other light of course. Obviously, Taylor still thought she was upset about the phone call. Not like she wasn’t still in shock, but after that kiss, nothing seemed to really matter anymore.
Wrapping her arms more tightly around his neck, she told him silently not to let her go just yet. Taking her right hand that was crisscrossed over her left arm, she lightly touched Taylor’s braid that went about three inches past his ponytail. She could feel his hands move from her waist to her hair also, pushing it away from her neck and stroking it down her back. At this, Jessica sighed an involuntary deep breath, and once she did, she breathed in the scent from Taylor’s hair. “What the heck?” she thought in her head. She was quite suprised to find the scent of flowers and fruit instead of...well, instead of the regular shampoos that guys supposedly used.
Taking her head off of Taylor’s shoulder once again, she looked him in the eye. “Do you use Herbal Essences?” she asked, incredulously. Jessica saw his cheeks turn a light pink. “It smells good?” he told her in the form of a question. Jessica narrowed her eyes at him. “Yeah, whatever, you just like those commercials don’t you?” she asked him, immediately knowing the real reason. Taylor laughed. “Okay, fine, you caught me,” he said sarcastically, “the body wash one in the desert is my fav...hey, wait...” he told her slowly, a hint of teasing in his voice, “body wash! That’s not a bad idea!” “Ugh, don’t even think about it!” Jessica retorted back, laughing.
“So, I’m guessing you guys have found out I see...” a voice from behind the kitchen corner called out, causing Jessica and Taylor to jump a mile apart from each other. Jessica quickly pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down while Taylor leaned against a wall. Both pretended nothing had happened, and pretty soon Jessica’s grandmother came out of the hallway with her arms crossed over her chest. But the look on her face wasn’t hostile, it was actually pretty amused. “You guys are so cute,” she murmured, heading over to the stove to start cooking breakfast, “the things that God puts together are incredible...” Jessica smiled. All her life, her grandmother had tried to teach her grandchildren about Jesus in her own way. Of course, her own daughters wouldn’t even hear it for a long time, and Jessica’s mom still wouldn’t. Other years, Jessica had listened, but didn’t understand what she was listening to. Now, she understood completely, and she knew her grandma discovered this when Jessica first came this year. Jessica had to admit herself that her attitude had changed for the better.
“I have no idea what you mean, Gloria,” Taylor spoke up from the wall, “I mean, we just having a friendly conversation about shampoo. I don’t know what you were talking about, but...” Taylor smiled at Jessica before pushing himself from the wall and heading over to the refrigerator, pulling out an apple. “Oh, hush, boy, don’t play dumb with me,” Gloria retorted, walking over herself and pulling out the huge carton of eggs, “I know about your Internet...thingys...” she said, smiling, as she started cracking eggs into a big bowl she had pulled from the cupboard above her.
At this comment, Jessica stood at attention, and Taylor stopped midway between taking a bite of his apple. “How did you know, Grandma, I mean, we only just found out ourselves like a minute ago!” Jessica exclaimed quite confused. Gloria didn’t seem that concerned. “Oh, your mother’s figured it out the first day Taylor got here...” she said, taking a fork out of a drawer. “What?!?!” both Jessica and Taylor asked loudly, which obviously scared Gloria because the fork came startlingly down on the countertop. She looked at the two accusingly. “SSHHH! Do you want to wake up the whole house? You almost gave me a heart attack!” she whispered loudly to them, again picking up the utensil. “Sorry, Grandma,” Jessica said more quietly, but still determined, “but how did they know?” Gloria finished turning on the stove and then finally turned to look at the two. “Did you tell your mother’s that you had an...ahem, Internet ‘buddy’?” she asked them. Jessica looked at Taylor and he nodded his head. She nodded hers too. About six months ago, Jessica’s mother had found out about Taylor by checking her own mail on Jessica’s computer. Jessica had forgotten to log out of her account, and by the time she got back from wherever she was, the damage was already done. Her mother already knew about the six month ‘friendship’ and had begun to think of it as “extremely romantic.” If she didn’t know her mother better, she would say that she had her head stuck in those trashy romance novels 24/7.
Seeing the two head nods, Gloria of course had to nod hers. “Well, you know how your mother’s are about talking non-stop to each other. Plus, the fact that they are two hopeless romantics, and Internet romances are the new “thing” nowadays...aren’t they?” she asked them both, turning up her nose. “Oh, well,” she responded to her own question, “they wouldn’t suite me very much, I guess. I mean, why not read a romance novel, they’re much more interesting!” she said, and started to leave the kitchen. Heading for the door to the basement, she called back with another question that was easily answered by her. “Do you guys like strawberries? Cause I think the other day...” her voice echoed away as soon as the cellar door closed behind her.
“How could they do this to us!” Jessica exclaimed to Taylor, taking the apple from him and taking a bite out of it. She started pacing the length of the room, and on the way, left the rest of it on the counter by the sink. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Taylor eyeing it hungrily. She had to laugh at this. “Down boy, we’ll feed you soon enough, don’t worry,” she said to him. “You better,” Taylor answered, “I mean, I don’t know how much more my stomach is going to take here.” Jessica grinned and shook her head. She saw the way he and Zac wolfed down their dinner last night. It was as if they hadn’t eaten a good meal in several months. “Hey, what do they feed you on tour, cereal or something?” she asked him, but also very curious. Taylor seemed to think about it awhile. “You know what, they do...” he muttered, scratching his neck, “but then they feed us real food for dinner. You know, like McDonalds, and Arby’s, and...” “What?” she asked him, not sure if he was teasing. “Yeah, it’s fast food alllll the time...did I mention I hate it now?”
“Well, don’t worry, there’s not a McDonalds around here for about 20 miles,” she told him, grinning. “Good! Cause I think if I ate one more excuse for a hamburger, I just might vomit,” he told her, clutching his stomach. Jessica scrunched up her nose at his comment. “Gross,” she muttered, only teasing. “What? Vomit? That grosses you out?” Taylor asked her, a glint in his eye. Suddenly the word got a little worse. “Yeah, it does actually, I tend to get these brilliant mental pictures most of the time, and you aren’t helping things,” she told him, only half kidding. “Oh, really?” he asked her, taking a few steps closer so she was at his arms reach, “so puke does somethin to ya too?” Jessica rolled her eyes and punished him by taking a step back. “Guys are so disgusting some times, you know that?” she asked him pretending to be serious. Taylor took two more steps and found himself pushing Jessica against the nearby wall gently. He put both of his hands on the wall and leaned in to kiss her gently on the lips. “So what does the phrase “rising chunks” do to you?” Jessica just glared at him. She forgot that guys sometimes got gross to tease girls. Never in her life had she heard that term, and frankly, she didn’t think she was eating hamburger ever again.
But that smile of his was just too inviting, so she soon found herself lost in it instead of figuring out something to say for him to knock it off. “You know what?” she asked after a moment, “I suddenly feel like I’ve been talking to you for...oh, I don’t know, 2 years? Why do you think that is, Tay?” Taylor just continued to smile. “I have no clue...” he answered her, and was just about to go in for another kiss when the cellar door creaked, announcing Gloria’s presence. This time Taylor didn’t bother to move. “See what I mean? Too cute,” she announced hauling a crate full of strawberries behind her.
***********************************************************************************
“You know, I thought you said earlier that you weren’t about to eat anymore hamburgers any time soon, Tay,” Jessica commented, grinning at the figure laying beside her on the grass. They had just came back from lunch, and what had to be the main course? Hamburger of course. But that didn’t stop Taylor from eating about 4 of them. He was now complaining about how full he was.
“Well, your grandma’s hamburgers are good,” Taylor said, playing with a strand of Jessica’s hair, “it’s just the ones with all that fat and salt and all that grease just dripping...” “Okay, stop!!!” Jessica exclaimed, pinching him on the arm. He had obviously found her weak spot...her easily upset stomach. She shook her head, trying to get the picture of a greasy cow out of her mind. Taylor just laughed beside her. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he said, turning over on his side to be able to look at her more closely. She didn’t see that he had done this until she had noticed the silence and looked over at him. He was just laying there with his hand holding up his head, and staring at her with those incredible blue eyes of his. Instantly, her shyness kicked in. She brushed the stray hairs out of her face, and turned to stare at an imaginary spot that seemed so interesting at the moment. She could feel his eyes burning into the side of her face and for some reason this was a comfortable feeling. But no way was she going to look at him again...no way was her face going to become...
“You know, I bet you’re the only person that blushes more than I do,” Taylor said quietly beside her, running a finger down her pink face. Jessica silently cursed herself. Obviously just thinking about blushing made her blush. “Well, I can’t help it...” she said back, turning her face way teasingly. She heard Taylor chuckle beside her. “And your a flirt...I think I kinda like that,” he said, taking her face and turning it towards him again. His thumb brushed her lips as his face came closer and closer upon hers. Jessica closed her eyes as she waited for him to kiss her.
But as soon as their lips first touched, a jarring, ringing noise overcame all of her senses and she pulled back. Her eyes looked hurriedly towards the house. The telephone...”please don’t be him, please don’t be him,” she prayed to herself closing her eyes. How could she had forgotten something so important and yet so horrifying at the same time? Instantly, the name ‘Taylor” popped up into her frame of mind. Seemed like he made her forget everything...but it was his voice that made her come back to reality this time.
“Jessica,” came the voice beside her, beckoning her to open her eyes. Her eyes flipped open and rested on his confused face. “What?” she whispered. “What do you mean ‘please don’t be him?’” Taylor asked her, sitting up on the grass, but taking a hold of her hand. Jessica just stared at him, a million of questions popping into her head. Should she really tell him? How does she know that he’s really a nice guy? But surely enough, those thoughts were pushed out her head by another source. A blast of strength suddenly changed her thoughts completely, and she found herself sitting up also. She had to tell him now. Obviously, God was telling her to.
She swallowed hard as she thought of how to go about this. If she didn’t tell him from the beginning then he would never understand. Her heart beat in anticipation as she got ready to tell him about her past. The same past that she had been afraid of thinking about herself until now. She looked up into Taylor’s eyes, and they told her to go ahead. He knew what she was going to do, and he wasn’t about to try to stop her. Even if he didn’t care worth a flip, Jessica was going to tell him anyway.
“Okay...” Jessica started, her voice a little bit shaky and she bit her lip self consciencly. Taylor in turn just squeezed her hand and told her to go on. “Jessica, just do it,” she told herself in her head.
“Okay,” she started again, squeezing his hand back. “I guess it all started when I had just started high school. All my life, since I had only gone to Catholic school, I had always dreamed of going to a regular high school. So of course, I begged my parents to send me to one. I guess they thought it was going to be good for me or something, cause they let me go. Which, I guess, now was a very bad thing to do,” Jessica said, taking a deep breath and going on. “Anyways, the first day of school was hard cause I didn’t know anyone. I am kinda a shy person, so of course that made it even harder. So the first couple of weeks, school was pure hell for me. No one wanted to even talk to me cause I was “the new, shy girl” I guess. So I tried to stay away from everyone too...
“But one day at lunch that all changed. Out of nowhere, this huge group of people just swarmed my lunch table and started clapping for me for no apparent reason. I recognized the group right away. They were the “Pop Squad” as they called themselves, and were the most popular group of people at school. It was kinda like a club because you could only be asked to join it, although, of course you had to meet certain criteria. First, you had to be attractive. Second, you had to have some kind of attitude. And third, I guess you had to be majorly stuck up. Well, the third one wasn’t in writing, but it should have been.
“Anyway, I guess because of the way I portrayed myself to other people, they thought I was “one of them.” That day at lunch they officially made me a member. At the time, this wasn’t a bad thing. I mean, I had no friends, and no life whatsoever. But, they changed that all for me that one day. So of course, I was estatic to be in.
“So that’s who I turned out to be. A stuck up, ignorant brat, who had all the friends in the world. They changed my whole personality, my looks, and even my whole wardrobe. They made me go out with only the “cool guys” in our school. Although, some of those guys were already in the group. And of course, everybody dated around in that little circle anyway. So I guess in about a total of 2 or 3 months, I had gone out with every eligible guy that was attending the school. I think the total was about 40 or something, I don’t know...
“But the last guy that they made me go out with was this guy named Brenden. He was in the group already, but for some reason he seemed different to me. Like he didn’t want to be there...kinda like me. I mean, sure, I was enjoying myself a lot, but there was something inside of me that told me that it was all wrong. Anyway, he asked me out first. Out of all the guys that I had gone out with in the past, he was the one who actually didn’t seem like a chore to go out with. Everywhere we went, he had fun, and over time, I felt myself falling in love with him. And just after 2 months with Brenden, he told me he loved me too, and actually gave me his Junior ring...
“Okay, okay, wait a minute...this guy was a senior, and you were only a freshmen?” Taylor asked Jessica incredulously. Jessica grimaced. “Most of the guys were that I went out with...my friends told me that it was a cool thing to do, so I guess believed them.” Taylor’s eyes went wide. “Most of them? Man, you would think that for them going out with a freshmen would be uncool... I mean, the only reason I could understand that those idiots would go along with it is to get...” Taylor’s voice trailed off as he suddenly began to understand. Jessica held her breath as a vein in Taylor’s neck began to appear. His grip on her hand was becoming tighter. “No, Jess...”
“Taylor, wait, I’m not done yet,” she told him firmly, trying to calm him down. She sighed and tried to remember where she was...his ring. “So I took the ring. I ‘loved” him so much, everything was blinding me and I couldn’t see through him.” Jessica saw Taylor’s jaw clench, and he let go of her hand to stand up. “Taylor, please...” she whispered up at him. “Go on, I’m listening, I just need to stand up,” Taylor said angrily, running his hands through his hair. Jessica closed her eyes and began to talk again.
“There was a party, Tay. A Christmas party. My parents forbid me to go to any other one of my friends parties, cause they knew more than I did about them. I had no idea that they were drinking and make-out parties. So the Christmas party was my first one. I was so excited to be going with Brenden...he told me to wear something sexy. So I did. He picked me up in his stupid new Eclipse and as soon as we got to the party, I instantly sensed something was wrong. He left me the moment I stepped in the door. I found him about a half an hour later in the pool area with a beer can in his hand. There was several others strewn around him and the way he was staggering every which way, I knew that he had been drinking those too. Something inside of me told me to get away from there fast...to find a pay phone to call my parents or something. But he had already seen me, and dragged me towards his car. I called out to my friends to help me, but they just stood there laughing...they were drunk too. I had no idea that they were like that...
By now, Jessica was crying, and Taylor had sat down beside her again. She wanted to hold on to him so bad, but if she did, she might never finish. “He threw me in the car...and we drove off. He was on the football team, I didn’t have a chance to get away then. About an hour later, he drove to this secluded road where no one ever went. I saw tire tracks where he parked. It was like someone else went to this same spot over and over again. It wasn’t until later that I found out that it was him...I wasn’t the first one that he had done this too. He had planned this from the beginning when he first met me.
“Anyways, he pretended like we were going to make out. I told him that I didn’t want to, and to take me home. Of course that made him mad, because from then out I was physically fighting for him to leave me alone. It wasn’t until I called out Jesus’s name that I finally had some strength to really get him off of me. For one single instant, I had time to take my shoe off and smash it into the window so I could get out of the locked car. But still, he kept on fighting me. Before, I hadn’t prayed for Jesus to help me. I just said his name. This time I prayed. Maybe really and truthfully the first time in my entire life. All of a sudden, I felt this immense strength and I finally kicked him off of me...he went flying to the other side of the car and his head hit the glass on the window. I guess it was hard enough to knock him out cause he wasn’t moving when I crawled out the window.
“The glass cut me on the way out so when I got home I wasn’t only dirty, but bloody. Luckily, my parents weren’t home. They were out of town with Kara and Nicole on an ice-skating tournament thing. That was the main reason I actually went to the party. No one could tell me not to. So the first thing I did was get into the shower...I swear I took about 100 showers that night. I wanted to get ‘him’ off of me so bad. I think the worse thing about it was that I had no one to talk to about it. All my ‘friends’ actually set up the whole thing in the first place, so I couldn’t go to them. The way I figured that out was the next week at school. I forced myself to go back. Although, my parents weren’t exactly back yet, so I couldn’t exactly beg them to not make me go back. Anyway, I guess one of Brenden’s friends found him in the car, and took him home. Brenden told everyone what had happened and everyone was immediately against me. When I got to school that day, I got 17 death notes from all of them. They literally pushed me down in the hallways, and from then on, Brenden called my room everynight to say ‘goodnight.’ Pretty soon, my grades began to drop, not to mention my personality. My mom pulled me out and put me in a Catholic high school...the one I’m in now. Until the first religion class there, I totally forgot that God had helped me through that night. Ever since, my life has been His...not to mention that I began to know you more.”
Jessica turned to Taylor for the first time in awhile. She didn’t want to look at his face when she told him the worst part...he was already mad enough. But when she did look at him, he wasn’t mad. Although, she could tell he wasn’t happy. His jaw was still clenched, but he seemed to have settled down from earlier and was now looking at her. Just sitting there, looking at her. Earlier, this made her nervous. Now, it made her feel safe. Even though she had just told him her worst fears in the world, she knew that he would never hurt her. She could see it in his eyes. By the way he looked at her.
“Okay, let me get this straight,” Taylor was now saying, taking his hand and brushing it across her face to wipe away the tears. “You started hanging with a looser crowd. They made you trust in them completely, and once you did they sent the freaking idiot to rape you just for the heck of it, and then they had the nerve to humiliate you in public and scare the crap out of you on the phone...” Taylor’s voice became more angrier as he went, “I bet Freshmen year was a blast...now I know why you are so upset.”
“I’m not upset anymore, Taylor,” Jessica replied quietly, “God has helped me through this, I’m fine now...it’s just that I remember sometimes and it’s hard.” Taylor’s eyes softened. “Is it hard to...well, I mean...is that what that look was when I first met you? Were you afraid of guys, Jess?” he asked her. Jessica swallowed. “Yes, and I still am at times...but never you Tay,” she told him, grabbing his hand, “I know you will never hurt me. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do.” Taylor searched her face. “So...we’re okay?” he asked her quietly. Jessica smiled. “Of course we are...I just wanted you to know about that. It’s something that I’ve been hiding for awhile now.” Taylor reached up to touch her face again. “Thank you,” he whispered.
For awhile they just sat there not saying a word...they didn’t need to. Jessica saw all that she wanted to know just by looking at his face. He was still angry, she knew that. If someone had hurt him in his life the way someone had hurt her, she would be angry too...hateful actually. But if she knew anything from her group of “friends”, she knew that hating didn’t get you anywhere. “Taylor...don’t hate him,” she told him softly. “I can’t exactly help it...” he replied, his jaw clenching again, “I’m not exactly going to like him for hurting you like that...I can’t even stand to think about it...” “Taylor, I know...I mean, I don’t like him either. But I did forgive him. I had to to keep my sanity. Even when he still called me months after to harass me, it didn’t matter. He didn’t matter anymore. Once you forgive someone, you tend to forget.” Jessica looked towards the house. “Unless he starts to do it again...” Jessica looked towards the house from her hideaway.
“Okay, wait, are you saying that that idiot is still calling you?!? Is that who that phone call was this morning?” Taylor asked her, his face turning stone hard. “Taylor..” Jessica started, but was cut off when Taylor instantly stood up and turned towards the house. “Taylor!” she called back after him. Struggling to stand up herself, he continued to call. “It wasn’t him!” Finally, standing up, she ran after him. He had stopped when he heard her say that last sentence. Reaching him, she grabbed both of his hands. “It wasn’t him...it was my friend Samantha...” Taylor didn’t say a word as she started to explain. “Samantha is one of my best friends from my new school. Recently, she joined the cheerleading squad. Since my school is girls only, our school represents the only guy school down the street from ours at their basketball games...” Jessica took a deep breath and went on, “she met a guy yesterday at one of the cheerleading and basketball parties. Taylor, it’s Brenden. He's going to that school next year...he's even made friends already, and joined the team. Anyways, Sam called this morning to tell me about him...she likes him SO much. She said that his group of friends from his old school were so cool, that they had plans for the whole next week. And, the thing is...” Jessica’s eyes started tearing as soon as she took another breath, “he already asked her out. They’re going out tonight, Taylor. The good thing is, it’s not a party...he wouldn’t do it tonight. He usually waits awhile I found out from some people at my old school. Sam was so excited, she couldn’t wait to tell me so that’s why she called me so early. She was talking about a d-dress to wear to the...party...next week,” Jessica said, openly crying now. Just thinking about him hurting another person...especially one of her friends, was too much. “Okay, Jess, it’s okay...” Taylor soothed, as he placed her head down on his shoulder, his hands running through her hair. Soon, Jessica had stopped crying and pushed herself off of him gently to look him in the face. “I can’t let him do that to her, Tay,” she told him. Taylor nodded. “I know...but are you sure that he’s going to do it at this particular party?” Jessica now nodded. “It’s at Cynthia’s house...the same house that I went to...it has to be. The only reason he didn’t do it sooner to me is because I wasn’t allowed to go to the parties. He knows what he’s doing.”
The two went quiet as both thought over the subject. Jessica didn’t know how to stop him herself...she didn’t know if she could talk to him again. Usually, when he called her, she just always hung up...
“How much time do we have?” Taylor asked her, bringing her back from her thoughts. “Sam said the party was next Friday...” Jessica told him. “Okay,” Taylor said, taking her hand and bringing her towards the house. “Taylor, what are we going to do?” she asked him, the two walking briskly. “I don’t know,” Taylor admitted.
****I am in no way associated with Hanson or Mercury Records. What you are reading is purely fiction. F-I-C-T-I-O-N.****
