Ramble–Late at Night With Nothing to Do–By Snarfy and fallen

Lucas: *blinks. Looks around* hmm…neither fallen nor that kooky friend of hers is around…heheh….

Kaz: Hey, don’t get too excited, they never actually would leave us alone…remember, last time fallen and Snarfy were writing together late at night, the product was you. They’ve gotta be pretty jacked up.

Lucas: Yeah. *thinks for a moment* Hey! What was that supposed to mean?

Kaz: Nothing. Nothing at all…

(scene: fallen is crammed into a tiny room that is stuffed full of screens, speakers and reels of film. The screens are displaying different angles of the rather small area that makes up the Crazy House and the Domain of Darkness. Sitting at a desk, fallen is wearing a headset and is typing furiously on a computer.)

fallen: *speaks into headset* fallen to Snarfy, the characters have taken up a stationary position in the LCBB index page. You can travel through your Links and don’t forget to transform, first.

Snarfy: But I just washed my hair!

fallen: What’s more important, your hair or monitoring Lucas? You know as well as I do that we didn’t create him as some sort of goody-goody two shoes.

Snarfy: *shudders* Good point. I’ll be on my way. *attempts to stick ice down her shirt* Do ya think ice’ll wor…COOOOLLLLLD!!!!!

fallen: *rolls eyes* Well, gee, it’s only frozen water.

Snarfy: *pouts* It didn’t work…

fallen: If it did, I think Ranma woulda known about it a long time ago.

Ranma: *sticks his head in* Did I hear my name?

fallen: *hastily shoves his head back into her fanfic where he belongs, lest he get beaten up by those who are angry about the fact that Ranma is taking up more of my time than LCBB*

Snarfy: *dumps glass of cold water on her head and transforms into tiny mushroom creature* My hair!

fallen: You don’t have hair, you idiot!

Snarfy: But I will…anyway, since when are you such a smartass?

Snarfy: That’s not fair! I just have really bad typos, that’s all. Hey…this is my computer…and my house…and-

fallen: Shut up. I believe you were whining about your hair? Now, hurry up! At this pace, Lucas is gonna get cracking before you arrive.

Snarfy: Yes, sir! I mean…well I guess it would be ma’m? Ah, sure, whatever.

(At the LCBB index page, Lucas is pacing and muttering to himself and every once in a while snapping his head up and brightening up, then drooping and grumbling again.)

Lucas; Are you done yet?

Kaz: *sighing* No.

(five minutes later)

Lucas: Are you done yet?

Kaz: NO! FOR THE 25^TH TIME, NO! It take more than half an hour to remove fallen’s security system, you know! She had that stinkin’ brother of hers, scaryone, come over and wire it for her. *mumbles* I don’t even know why I’m doing this for you.

Lucas: *smiles winningly* Because I’m your best friend?

Kaz: *looks disgusted with herself* Oh, yeah.

(Back in fallen’s surveillance room)

fallen: Wha-? What’s happening? *listens to computer* What do you mean, some of the systems are down? My brother wired that thing! It can’t short out! *screams at screen and shakes it vigorously* ARGH! Why’d I make them so damn good with computers? *speaks into headset* Snarfy, we have a problem.

(Snarfy’s eyes are wide and she has an expression of pain on her face)

Snarfy: You didn’t have to yell so loud! Thanks to you, half the ‘net probably knows we have a problem!

fallen: All right, all right…anyway, you’d better hurry.

Snarfy: I’m at the fanfiction page already…what the snarf?

fallen: What?

Snarfy: The direct link to the LCBB index page isn’t working. I’d write in the URL by hand, but since I’m in the network…blah.

fallen: I can do it. My security is junked up, but my computer is fine.

Snarfy: Thanks.

(A couple minutes later, she appears behind one of the table legs on the page. She peeks around, only to find Lucas hard at work over his laptop, typing furiously.)

Lucas: Just you wait, Kaz, nothing’ll go wrong. If I can just get to this HTML coding, then I’ll be able to control the DoD!

Kaz: *blinks* Why do you want to do that anyway? I mean, it’s not like fallen’s done anything to you other than have you obsessed with Cid’s plane and rocket and being abnormally fond of cutting potatoes and having your little sister disappear and making your older brother into a buttmunch and…*trails off* oh. I get it. Revenge?

Lucas: Not only that, but I’m sick of being the good guy. I’d like to see what it’s like to be the bad guy for once. And do you know how many freakin’ CHANGES my profile went through?

Kaz: I wouldn’t know. She just started mine.

Lucas: Gah. Whatever.

Snarfy: *Grows enraged. She runs up to Lucas and starts kicking him in the foot*

Lucas: Ah! What the hell?

Snarfy: You stupid! We took the time to make you, and this is how you repay us?

Lucas: *Sweeps his arm back while turning away from her. Knocks over Kaz’s cup of tea. It spills on Snarfy.*

Snarfy: *Grows larger, into her human form*

Lucas: Ah…hi. *lifts hand in feeble greeting*

(Large flashes of light come down. fallen appears.)

fallen: I’m here! *waves arms around, accidently letting loose with several fireballs that set off the sprinkler system. Snarfy, who was in the middle of slapping Lucas, is transformed back into snarf form. She resumes kicking him. He attempts to step away, and ends up nearly squishing her.*

fallen: *eyes grow large* And just WHAT do you THINK you’re DOING? Trying to squish Snarfy, are you?

Lucas: *sputtering* But..I…didn’t…I mean…she started it! *points at Snarfy, who is pulling a face at him. She bites his finger, causing him to yell in pain and hurl her into the nearest wall.*

Snarfy: Heeeeellllllpppp meeeeeee! *SLAM! Snarfy hits the wall and bounces into Kaz’s bowl of soup*

Lucas: *gulp* I’m a dead man…

Snarfy: *big again* *Stalks toward him slowly, glaring at him until he is pinned against the wall.*

Lucas: Um…hiya? *tries to run away*

fallen: *reaches up and snags his collar.* And just where do you think you’re going?

Lucas: *Sandwiched by Snarfy and fallen* O-out?

Snarfy: I don’t think so.

fallen: You’ve done

Snarfy: a lot of

fallen: damage.

Snarfy: Do you know

fallen: how hard it is

Snarfy: to get

fallen: my brother

Snarfy: to wake up and

fallen: leave the room?

Snarfy: Do you know

fallen: how annoying it

Snarfy: is to change

fallen: bodies every time

Snarfy: you get hit by water?

fallen: We made you up.

Snarfy: We can change you. Why shouldn’t we? I mean, look at my hair! It’s your fault it’s ruined! *points at his hair* We’re the reason that your hair is nice…who says it has to stay that way?

Lucas: Aren’t you guys being at little…harsh? *tugs at collar of shirt*

(Just as Snarfy and fallen get out the good, ole profile, a shout is heard from outside the room)

Voice: BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR!

All: *turn head to source of voice*

(Cloud and Tifa walk into the room, arguing)

Cloud: *stops and notices that everyone is staring at him* Um…hi.

Tifa: *sighs* fallen, Cloud doesn’t like that you’ve asked me to stay away from him for the next four or five months to prepare for my role in LCBB. He simply won’t accept it. I’ve tried everything I could think of to convince him. Could you…talk to him?

Snarfy: We’re kinda in a situation here…*grins evilly*

fallen: But don’t worry, I’ll have a…word with him about it.

Cloud: *starts to look nervous about implied threats of violence, but is not ready to give up Tifa without a fight*

Lucas: RUN AWAAAAAAYYYY!!! SAVE YOURSELVES!!! *dashes away*

(Everyone follows, leaving Snarfy and fallen to chase after them.)

Kaz: *sitting there* That’s was interesting. *sips her soup* Hmm…tastes like mushrooms…

(Lucas enters one of the finished parts of LCBB. Cloud and Tifa follow quickly, tailed closely by Snarfy and fallen.)

fallen: COWARDS!!! RUNNING AWAY, EH? COME BACK HERE! HAVE AT YOU, NOW!

Snarfy: *pokes fallen* Um…you can stop quoting Monty Python now.

fallen: Why are you so calm about this? They got away!

Snarfy: *whispers into fallen’s ear*

fallen: *smiles sadistically* That’s right. I still have to write the next part.

(Snarfy and fallen walk away, cackling insanely,)

Lucas: I am so gonna die.

Cloud: *pats him on shoulder* You certainly are.

Lucas: *glares* Remember that time you told me to go to hell?

Cloud: *slowly* Ye-es…

Lucas: And I said, ‘You first.’?

Cloud: Ye-es?

Lucas: I meant that.

Cloud: Ah. I see. In that case, I have one thing to say.

Tifa: What?

Cloud: Oh, shit.

Authors’ Note: *Snarfy pokes fallen awake*

fallen: The story above is… a figment of our… twisted imagination… nephm… grumble.. ingimbel….

Snarfy: Wha?! speak up!!!

fallen: nphm.. ehfeh…

Snarfy: Oh! Yes I see… she said that the story was meant to be amusing but it probably wasn’t since neither of us are comedy writers…

fallen: grumble bleh…eh feh…

Snarfy: You what? You want me to check for typos? HEYYYY! THAT’S NOT FUNNY!!!!

fallen: ehm erm ehehehe

Snarfy: It wasn’t meant to be funny? Hey hat’s that supposed to mean????

fallen: heh *plops back down and falls asleep*

Snarfy: This mean…could it be? THE KEYBOARD IS ALL MINE!!!!!! WAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

fallen: *suddenly pops up and start singing about fuzzy white rabbit ears*

Snarfy: What the hell?

fallen: *stops singing and looks Snarfy* Hey, what were you laughing at?

Snarfy: nothing… nothing at all ^_^

fallen: Oh. Okay. *plops down and falls asleep*

Snarfy: well.. what else can I say?

fallen: mumble ehfeh…