Leaving

He threw his things into his bag violently, not bothering to stop to fold anything. He was leaving. He couldn’t stay here for one more day, not with Nina’s mournful eyes, Kat’s respectful but curious silence, and, most of all, Zoey’s empty room. Too many memories, good and bad, were focused here.

There was nothing holding him here now. Certainly not his dad or Lance, and now that he’d graduated from high school, the kids and teachers at school could hardly be expected to give a shit. Kat was off at her law school, and Mom was off on some assignment somewhere.

He accidentally slammed his foot into the leg of his desk and spun around the room, cussing. Throwing open his closet he began to decide what he was bringing with him.

His knives, the ones his mom had had made for him as a graduation present. He rolled his eyes. Figures. Other kids got cars, and he got lethal weapons. Well, those were coming along. He tossed them onto his bed.

His favorite sweatshirt, the baggy black one with the hood. He stuffed it violently into the duffel bag that was sitting near his desk.

A bag of jelly beans. He started to put them back, then mentally shrugged and tossed them into the bag as well.

A silver picture frame…? Oh god. He sat down. Six kids on the dock…Lucas, Nina, Zoey, Josh, Kat, and one of Kat’s boyfriends, Nick. All of them were smiling and laughing, none of them aware of the hell Lucas would go through.

He hesitated, then, after a moment’s thought, laid the picture frame on his desk. He pulled his knife out of his pocket and flipped it open. Taking the picture out, he carefully sliced away until the only two left in the picture were Kat and Zoey. Once satisfied, Lucas stuffed the trimmed down picture into one of the side pockets on his bag.

What next, what next…he puttered around in his room, tossing various items of clothing into the bag.

His books…there was no way he could leave without some reading material. Kneeling down, he yanked the box from under his bed and sorted through it, tossing his selections over his shoulder carelessly. It made no difference to him if the lamp got smashed. Not anymore. He smiled grimly as he imagined his father’s response when he arrived home to find his younger son missing. There, Lance, you win. Lance might not remember, but Lucas had been their father’s favorite, all those years before SOLDIER... Happy, big bro?

He shook his head and continued to pack. Potions, maps, a tent or two, all of them went into the bag. Let’s see…he tossed in a couple of Hi-Potions his mom had given him awhile back.

Searching around the room, his gaze fell onto the object sitting on his desk. He walked over, and almost reverently lifted it.

The laptop had been a gift on his fourteenth birthday. He’d already shown signs of aptitude with computers. It was a rare occasion when the entire family had been together… He smiled wistfully, remembering the times before SOLDIER training, fights between brothers, hatred in the family… He clenched his jaw. No time for remembering. No time for the past, this was here and now. There was no changing what happened, what has passed, only the future, what is to pass. And to do that…the present is your tool.

He lifted the laptop, considering. It probably wouldn’t survive the rough trip he’d be making…but, then again, anything was better than leaving it here, to the mercy of Lance’s meddling eyes and hands.

"What the hell." he said out loud to himself, and carefully wrapped the computer in a blanket before settling it into his backpack. He picked up the cords and adapter, and wrapped them all up with a phone wire before chucking them in next to the console itself.

Hmm…pants…He contemplated for a moment before shrugging and stuffing random pairs into the bag. His favorite shirt, his blue plaid, his jacket…all went into the clothes bag. He gingerly fingered the cloth of his blue cap, almost fondly, before sticking it on his head backwards. He cracked his neck and looked around the room.

His gaze fell on the photo album half peeking out from under his bed. Stuffed with any flat object he could fit into it, it was more of a scrapbook and the best memory keeper he could think of. All 18, almost 19, he reminded himself, years of his life were represented in here, from his first baby picture to junior prom to his graduation.

It had always been his most precious possession…but he was trying to leave it all behind, not take it all with him…but to leave it behind? Leave it here, for Lance’s hands and eyes to destroy? The thought disgusted him beyond anything.

He picked it up, feeling its familiar weight in his hands. To leave it behind or to bring it…? Suddenly Lucas straightened, his mind made up. He wouldn’t leave it here…but he wouldn’t bring it with him. He’d put it somewhere safe…somewhere that it wouldn’t be mutilated, contaminated just by the touch of his older brother.

Moving quickly, he sealed the precious item into an airtight, waterproof box. Tucking it under his arm carefully, he left the house to find a place to keep his life.

He jogged quickly through the chilled night, his navy blue shirt and black pants coincidentally blending him in with the night. Slowing to a walk, he wished he could just see Kat one more time. He didn’t know if and when he’d be able to find her again after he left…she’d been his buddy for so long. Everyone might have made fun of them at first, saying how there was no way a boy and a girl could be only friends, much less best friends…but all of them had watched in amazement as the two proved them wrong. He smiled ruefully. Kaz was like his other half…not romantically, but just…they knew each other so well, it was like they were one person sometimes.

He sighed, the warm air from his lungs becoming visible as it hit the cold night air. His life had been shot to bloody hell…he knew he was still better off than some of the poor souls out there, but he couldn’t deny that his situation sucked. He picked up his pace, trotting farther out of the city. There was a park at the outskirts of town. The place must have been nice at one point, but time hadn’t looked after it well and it was a pretty dumpy place now–no one went there.

He thought again of his reasons for leaving...now that he thought of it, it was more a lack of anything than a distinct reason. There was nothing left, and with Lance here as well...ugh.

Better there than here, he thought ruefully. There isn’t much left, other than the remnants of a shredded life. He grinned mentally. Heh. I sound like a sap.

He was there. Mechanically, he hopped the fence with ease, the box tucked securely under his left arm.

Heading straight for a grove of trees, Lucas was less than thrilled to see another person coming towards him.

Nina. His heart throbbed the syllables of her name over and over. Nina. Nina. I love you. Nina. I can’t stay, Nina. Nina...

He slid into the shadows provided by the trees. She wasn’t even looking for him, so apparently she hadn’t seen him. He stared longingly as she passed by. I’m sorry Nina...I’m sorry for hurting you. But when Zoey died, I just wasn’t right for you anymore. I love you. After she was well out of sight, he made his way to the small clearing and carefully knelt down, grimacing. Wish I brought a shovel...But after a good half hour of scraping away and packing down, his most precious item was hidden away under the ground.

He fairly sprinted back home, passing people, places, memories. All of it was blurring into one. He felt emotion start to well up in him over leaving, but he crudely and forcefully shoved it down. There would be time for regrets and memories later. Right now, he had to get out of the house before his dad arrived home.

When he finally got upstairs, there was no more time for packing. He carefully cleaned everything up, except the broken lamp. Working quickly, he soon had his room in immaculate order, almost eerily so. All of a sudden, the front door slammed. His eyes widened and he looked up. His dad was home...Swearing, he quickly threw his bags over his shoulder and grabbed his wallet. Once quick glance around the room showed nothing wrong, nothing left behind. He ran over to the window, carrying his bags with him. The roof area directing outside of his room was pretty flat, and he’d often sneaked out.

Picking up the bag with his clothes, he tossed it out the window. Hi ho. he thought grimly. Strapping his knives on, he pulled a jacket over himself before grabbed his backpack and climbing out himself. He pulled the window shut, carefully, then grabbed his other bag and began half walking half sliding down the roof. When he reached edge, he steeled his nerves and every ounce of training in him, dropped the bag over the edge and then catapulted himself down.

He looked up. Goodbye, house. Thank you for your memories. Goodbye, town, thank you for your good times. Good bye, people. Good bye...memories. Feeling a twinge in his heart as he did so, Lucas grabbed his bag, pulled his cap back on and began the slow, slow walk out of town.