10. Don't mind referring to him as "Your Excellency," but you keep having to kiss his ring.

9. Locks you alone in rooms for hours on end in order to "psych" you up for games.

8. Decides to trade you, then doesn't, only to go through with it next day, then back off.

7. "He makes more money than our Franchise Player!"

6. Practice sessions and skate-arounds with live explosions and ammunition fired.

5. You want to shove some of that ice he chews down his freaking throat.

4. He trades away 3 of your friends and all your pads for an orangutan and 4 bananas.

3. Drafts a forward from Mongolia in the first round.

2. Being sent down to the AHL or ECHL is starting to look really appealing.

1. He decides nobody deserves the Captaincy, so he gives himself the "C".