- Q. What do a blonde girl and a six-pack of beer have in common?
A. You can carry both with two fingers.
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- Three cowboys get drunk at a bar. Cowboy #1 demands a whore from
the bartender. The whoreless bartender goes to the supply shop and desperately
asks the clerk for a prostitute. Although the clerk doesn't have a whore,
he has an inflatable woman. The bartender takes it to the second floor
of his bar, blows it up, and lays it on the bed. Going back downstairs,
he tells the cowboy that she is upstairs. Cowboy #3, the smallest goes
first and stays up for ten minutes after which he comes back down. When
asked by the others about her, he replies "She had a firm body, but
she sure didn't say much." They laugh and cowboy #2, a medium sized
man goes up. Upon his arrival in the bar he is asked the same question
to which he gives the same answer. Cowboy #1, the biggest, goes up and
two minutes later comes down with a dazzled expression. "What happened?"
the others asked. "When I got on top of her, she suddenly farted and
jumped out the window!"
-
- Q. What does Kodak film and Woody Allen have in common?
A. They both come in little yellow boxes.
-
- Q. What is the difference between pink and purple?
A. Your grip.
-
- Q. How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A. Pick him up and suck his dick!
-
- This bitch said "Give me 12inches and make me bleed"!
So, I fucked her four times and punched her in the nose!!
-
- Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: If you slap a mosquito it'll stop sucking.
-
- Q: What is the difference between driving in the fog and eating
pussy?
A: When you're driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole ahead of you.
-
- This guys walks into a bar and the bartender immediately notices
how depressed this guy is. "Give me a beer", said the guy. "Sure
thing," said the bartender, "by the way, why the long face? "I
just found out my oldest son is gay", replied the guy. The next day
the same guy walks back into the bar and orders a beer and a few shots
of whiskey. "What's wrong now?", asked the bartender noticing
he is twice as depressed as the day before. "I just found out my youngest
son is gay too." The next day the same guy walks in with tears pouring
out of his eyes. "God doesn't anyone in your house like pussy?",
asked the bartender. The guy said, "Yeah, my wife!"
-
- There was once a man who lived way out in the Sahara Desert, thousands
of miles away from civilization, with only his faithful camel and his tiny
Oasis. One day the man got so frustrated that he decided that the time
had come that he should fuck his camel. The camel, being a very tall creature,
was out of the reach of the man's dick. So he decided to climb onto a dune
and then do the camel. But every time his dick was ready, the camel would
move and the man would fall. Discouraged, the man went back to his tent,
only to hear the scream of a woman. He ran into the desert and saw a band
of people readying themselves to rape the woman, he quickly pulled out
his gun and fired a few shots into the air. This caused the band to get
back into their car and drive off. The man then went to the woman and asked
if all was well. She replied, "Oh, my hero, you saved me, I will do
anything for you. "GREAT, the man replied,"will you please hold
my camel so I can fuck it"
-
- Superman and Spiderman are standing at a Bar, Superman is looking
a bit down.
- What's the matter ? asks Spiderman.
- Well to tell you the truth, I haven't had "IT" for months and
it's really getting to me comes the reply.
- Its funny you should say that, on the way here I was swinging past Wonder
Woman's apartment and she was lying on her bed in the altogether with her
legs wide open says Spiderman with a grin..
- What do you mean ? asks Superman
- Well with your powers you could dive in, do the business and be out before
she knows what hit her Spiderman replies
- Ok I'll do it.....
Off he goes to Wonder Woman's apartment and sure enough she's still lying
on her bed as if waiting for something !! He shoots through the window,
straight in, does the job and flies straight back to the Bar.
- Goddamn says Wonder Woman, What the hell was that ?
- I don't know - but my ass is in pieces replied the Invisible Man.....
-
- A doctor, a lawyer & a priest go on a cruise. The ship hits
a reef and starts to sink.
The doctor yells "Women and children first!!!"
The lawyer yells "Fuck the children!"
The priest yells "Can we??"
-
- Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom.
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.
-
- After saving for many years a bachelor finally is able to buy a
small piece of land up in the hills of Arkansas where he will build a cabin.
After months of building he is finally finished. As he sits on the front
porch admiring his work he hears a noise in the bushes. An old smelly hillbilly
emerges from the brush and speaks to him. "Say there, 'been a'watchin'
you build that cabin for quite a spell. Finally got'er finished, huh?"
"Um, yes. I think I'll like it here, too." "SHORE ya will!
In fact, now that you're finished, howzabout we throw you a little party?"
The man is skeptical, but asks "So, what will be happening at this
party?" "Well," the hillbilly replies, "There'll be
a whole lot of drinkin', a whole lot of cussin', a whole lot of fightin',
and a whole lot of fuckin'!" "Hmmm, sounds ok. But what would
one wear to this party?" "What you got on is fine, seein' as
how it's just going to be YOU and ME!"
-
- An explorer is searching in the Amazon jungle for this Indian tribe
whose women are reputed to have cunts that are three inches wide and twelve
inches long. Finally he finds them and is sitting down with the chief of
the tribe. "Is that right" he says to the chief. "Your women
have cunts that are three inches wide and twelve inches long?" "That
right man" says the chief. "However do you manage to have sex
with women with cunts that are three inches wide and twelve inches long"
asks the explorer "Them cunts stretch man, they stretch!" replies
the chief.
-
- Most people know that a condom is only 98% effective, but guys should
also bear in mind that is totally useless if there's a tiny prick in it.
-
- Q: What's the difference between a microwave oven and anal sex?
A: A microwave oven doesn't brown your meat!
-
- Q: What is the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
A: You don't have to talk to the washing machine after you drop you load
in.
-
- A short thin old man walks into a bar. He sits between two 7 ft
men who look strong as bulls. He looks at one of them challengingly "What
you lookin´ at.... I slept with your mother yesterday" then
he looks right to the other man and says "And the day before fucked
your mother" Then he yells "and on Tuesday she gave me a blow
job" and then he says to the other man "yeah... and your mother
gave me blow job too" At this point the two strong men get up and
grab the old man by one arm each and when it seems they will tear him apart
one of them says "Dad, let's go home... you've had enough to drink.."
-
- A guy goes to see his Doctor and says that he has a lot of trouble
sleeping because of a recurring dream. The Doctor notes that he looks pale
and has bags under his eyes and asks him about the dream. The guy says
that it is always the same, he dreams that he wakes up in bed and there
are 2 beautiful naked women trying to pull off the bed clothes and his
PJ's, and he keeps pushing them away. He says that he would like an anesthetic
so that... The Doctor cuts him off and says "no, no. I suggest a change
of diet and..." the guy cuts in and says that he really wants an anesthetic
and... The Doc says that as he seems so desperate some new pills he has
may do the trick. The guy says "Just shut up and give me an anesthetic
and then break my fucking arms".
-
- There are 3 guys sitting around a campfire. It's very late so they
go to bed. The first guy wakes up and says "I had the weirdest dream.
I dreamed that someone was pulling on my dick." The second says "That's
funny, I had a dream someone was pulling on my dick too." The third
guy says " Well my dream beats both of yours. I had a dream that I
went skiing."
-
- A man brings his wife from hospital and says don`t worry but I have
had an accident. I got my finger caught in a machine at work and I have
lost my finger. His wife replies "what your hole finger !" man
replies "No the one next to it !"
-
- Q. Do you know the real problem with men?
A. They have a brain and a dick and only enough blood for one of them...
-
- Q. What´s the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A. The whore does it with every guy around and the bitch does with every
guy around but YOU
-
- Q. Why did the blonde stand over a toilet?
A. She was trying to get high on pot!
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