- PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by
C:.
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- POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus,"
but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
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- ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just
before the whole thing quits.
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- MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to
run.
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- OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
-
- AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service
you are getting.
-
- THE MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying
too much for the AT&T virus.
-
- TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
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- ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll
be back.
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- GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
-
- NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
people really mad just thinking about it.
-
- FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which
claim to be the most important part of the computer.
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- GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent
of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin
of error).
-
- TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever
you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
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- TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
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- ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
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- MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS: Hard to identifiy because it is constantly
altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash
your car.
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- CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits eratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
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- AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
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- FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.
-
- PBS VIRUS: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
-
- ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self
destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across
rural America.
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- OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Turns your printer into a document shredder.
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- NIKE VIRUS: Just Does It!
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- SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
supply, and a set of shocks.
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- JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Nobody can find it.
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- CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS II: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously,
but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
-
- KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants
to.
-
- IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot
up then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on
expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
-
- STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has
gone before.
-
- HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Test your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
and sends you a bill for $4,500.
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- GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my test....
no new files!" on the screen, proceeds to fill up all the free space
on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congress Virus.
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- CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like
a 286/AT.
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- LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on
your PC and erases them in "self-defense."
-
- CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in
last in the reviews, but you still love it.
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- LITTLE BITTY VIRUS (also known as the shitty comp virus): Downgrades
your monitor to a 640 X 480 .30 dot pitch, your Netscape to version 2.O,
and throws molasses in your motherboard for good measure.
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