- DISCLAIMER: This message does not reflect the thoughts or opinions
of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote me on
that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; you may distribute
this message freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject
to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail;
any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and
purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law;
hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or
spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited
time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted;
caveat emptor; message is provided "as is" without any warranties;
reader assumes full responsibility; an equal opportunity message; no shoes,
no shirt, no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any
defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return
to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory
- explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may
find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight;
keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no
money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some
assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action
figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety
goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not
read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages
arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation,
redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper
ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place;
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inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees
Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this
message could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only
to abstinence, is the use of a condom; no salt, MSG, artificial color or
flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist,
consult a physician; message are ribbed for your pleasure; possible penalties
for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly
higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must
be 18 to read; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood,
tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts
of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage,
improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing
or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts,
sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this
list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking
on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky
roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include,
but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, buck shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers,
napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays,
knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply.
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