- The following is a guide to what woman mean
when they say...
-
- You want = You want
-
- We need = I want
-
- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
-
- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
-
- We need to talk = I need to complain
-
- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
-
- I'm hungry =
- A.) Make me something to eat
- B.) Stop what you are doing, scrape together your last $5, and go
drive across town and get me something to eat. I don't care if what you
are doing is important
- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron
-
- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
-
- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
-
- I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period
-
- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
-
- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
-
- The car is empty = Go fill it up.
-
- The trash is full = Take it out
-
- The dog is barking = Go outside in your underwear and see what is
wrong
-
- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
-
- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of
white
-
- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
-
- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
-
- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
-
- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not
going to like
-
- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good
game on T.V.
-
- Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
-
- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
-
- Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
-
- It's all right, dear = You'll pay for this
-
- Yes = No
-
- No = No
-
- Maybe = No
-
- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
-
- Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get
use to it
-
- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until
he goes to sleep
-
- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
-
- All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that
we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need
to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGIOD there's a sale in lingerie,
and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring
your checkbook?
-
- The following is a guide to what the answers
to "What's wrong?" actually mean...
-
- The same old thing = Nothing
-
- Nothing = Everything
-
- Everything = My PMS is acting up
-
- Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an idiot
-
- I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam
-
- What makes you think there is something wrong? = I am going to kill
you
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