- I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
- I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
- I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
- I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
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- I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
- and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down
- I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
- my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
-
- and I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch
- or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
- I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
- I'm a woman you see, I'm just not that kind
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- I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
- I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
- It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
- When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
-
- And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
- I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
- Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
- I'm a woman, you know, I've got far too much pride!
-
- And I honestly think its a privilege for me
- to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
- I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
- I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
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- I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
- stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
- or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
- then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
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- Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
- you can forget all about that old penis envy
- I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
- join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
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- I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
- I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
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