- 1. If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY",
do so immediately.
-
- 2. Never take a bath or shower with an MSDC (maniac/spirit/demon/creature)
in the house.
-
- 3. When it appears that you have killed the MSDC, DO NOT check to
see if he/she/it's really dead.
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- 4. Whatever you do, DO NOT check upstairs! For any reason.
-
- 5. If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin spewing
body fluids, it's time to move out.
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- 6. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
-
- 7. Don't look under the bed.
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- 8. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
gone out.
-
- 9. If tree's, TV's, or other objects try to consume your children,
save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.
-
- 10. If relatives or pets come back from the dead, stay as far away
from them as possible.
-
- 11. If inanimate objects such as dolls, toys, or furniture attack
you, be prudent and leave the area.
-
- 12. If you've hidden from the MSDC and you are not found, do not
peek from or leave your hiding place, for you are only further endangering
yourself.
-
- 13. Never believe that your companion has truly become "dispossessed."
-
- 14. It is VERY, VERY dangerous to back into or through rooms.
-
- 15. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language
which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is
other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of
grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire
to incapacitate them, so be prepared.
-
- 16. When you have the benefit of numbers, *NEVER* pair off or go
it alone!!!
-
- 17. Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for
occupants.
-
- 18. If demons begin possessing your companions, it's a good idea
to leave the area as soon and as quickly as possible.
-
- 19. If your companions start turning up dead, make yourself scarce
before someone else does it for you. Worry about funerals later.
-
- 20. If you've just finished running over the MSDC in your car, keep
going. Most certainly DO NOT get out of the car to see if he/she/it's really
dead.
-
- 21. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to
Hell.
-
- 22. Don't fall asleep if you have a history of homicidal/suicidal
nightmares.
-
- 23. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or near a grave, tomb,
crypt, mausoleum, etc.
-
- 24. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or near a window, especially
those that appear that they would break easily.
-
- 25. You know you can't kill the MSDC until part 8 anyway, so don't
try to succeed in the first six sequels.
-
- 26. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find
out that it's just the cat, LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY ELSE YOU WILL QUICKLY
DIE.
-
- 27. Check the gun safety BEFORE you need to use the gun to save
your life.
-
- 28. If appliances start operating by themselves, leave the area
immediately.
-
- 29. Do not take anything from the dead.
-
- 30. If priests won't or can't enter your home, start looking for
a new home.
-
- 31. If the place you are visiting is known for its history of mass
murders, deaths, freak accidents, or supernatural occurrences, leave.
-
- 32. If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself
still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.
-
- 33. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a
reason. Take the hint and stay away.
-
- 34. If the Ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and
leave.
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- 35. If supernatural beings start calling your name, leave the area.
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- 36. Never pick up a hitchhiker or stop to aid a suspicious person,
especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus.
-
- 37. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
you know what you are doing.
-
- 38. Make sure that your weapon is loaded before you try to use it.
-
- 39. If your name isn't one of the first three in the credits, YOU
WILL DIE REGARDLESS, sorry.
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- 40. Never put your back to or lean on a door.
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- 41. Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.
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- 42. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
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- 43. Never accept gifts from strangers, especially if you suspect
that they are supernatural beings.
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- 44. If you're running from the MSDC, expect to trip and/or fall
down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion.
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- 45. If your companions exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as
hissing, biting, thirst for blood, howling, glowing eyes, unnatural hairiness,
marked resemblance to demons, excretion of ectoplasm or other forms of
gelatinous goo, flaming appendages, extra appendages, etc., get as far
away from them as possible.
-
- 46. Listen closely to the soundtrack for hints on what is going
on around you. Use all resources available, especially the audience, for
on the average, they are much, much more intelligent than you could ever
hope to be.
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- 47. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which
are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog
(God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda
Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
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- 48. Beware of transvestite doctors that sing.
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- 49. Avoid secluded mountain resorts, especially those which keep
'Redrum' in stock.
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- 50. Finally, beware of strangers bearing tools of destruction such
as chain saws, staple guns, chipper/shredders, weed poppers, combines,
lawn mowers, knives, soldering irons, stun guns, flamethrowers, band saws,
crossbows, napalm, grenades, catapults, tact tactical warheads, high-powered
rifles, gophers, food processors, gophers in food processors, lamb chops,
axes, gophers wielding axes, laser pistols, tanks, any weapon resembling
Margaret Thatcher, or Alludium q-36 explosive space modulators.
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