- New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy stains.
-
- Court will be scheduled in the middle of your days off.
-
- Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end
of your shift.
-
- You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left
the station.
-
- Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot
pursuit through mud.
-
- The Mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department
negotiates for a salary increase.
-
- The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they
punch, kick and choke.
-
- Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boom-Boom".
-
- If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert,
within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for direction.
-
- Coffee machines only brake down on the graveyard shift.
-
- Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.
-
- To error is human, to forgive is against department policy.
-
- You will find a "police discount" one day before payday.
-
- Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.
-
- You will remain in perfect health until your days off.
-
- Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to you as they are to
the crook hiding behind you.
-
- No patrol car assigned to you will be clean and never have a full
tank of gas.
-
- Wearing white socks makes boot zippers break.
-
- The oldest squad car won't be retired. It will be assigned to you.
-
- Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification
day.
-
- Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.
-
- Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.
-
- You will score no higher than fourth on a promotion exam with only
three positions.
-
- If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.
-
- The speed you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional
to how long you have been an officer.
-
- Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.
-
- Bullet proof vests might be.
-
- Your portable radio will never fail until you are involved in a
foot pursuit.
-
- Vehicle pursuits always progress from areas of low traffic density
to high traffic density.
-
- Your pen will only run out of ink when you are ready to write a
ticket.
-
- NCIC will be down anytime you see a car listed on a hot sheet.
-
- Old squad cars never die, they just smell that way.
-
- You will never get a bomb threat call until the squad is away on
training.
-
- The experience of your DA is inversely proportional to the importance
of the case he is prosecuting.
-
- Word processors only delete reports when they are nearly done.
-
- Your bullet proof vest was supplied by the lowest bidder.
-
- You receive a subpoena for a major felony case for the first day
of your paid for, non-refundable vacation.
-
- In a physical confrontation involving more than one officer, any
impact weapon used will strike cops more times than crooks.
-
- Do unto others, but do it first.
-
- Eat right, Exercise, Die anyway.
-
- Your squad car will only break down when you are outside your beat.
-
- Waterproof boots aren't.
-
- Freebees will only arrive at the station on your days off.
-
- There is an inverse relationship between the number of auto club
stickers on a rear bumper and how well the person drives.
-
- You are ALWAYS downwind from pepper spray.
-
- To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!
-
- Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.
-
- The hardest job for a Hostage Negotiator is to negotiate with the
crisis committee!
-
- No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes another's idea...usually
the Chief's.
-
- If your patrol car's air is out the suspect will smell worse than
a wet dog.
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