- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
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- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
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- He who laughs last thinks the slowest!
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- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else!
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- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
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- Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
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- There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
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- Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
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- I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
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- Learn from your parents' mistakes; use birth control!
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- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
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- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
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- What is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free?
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- If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
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- Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
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- I used to have a handle on life. Then it broke.
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- The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
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- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
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- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
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- OK, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
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- Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
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- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
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- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
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- "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam me down my clothes."
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- I! Finally! Figured...out...how! To punctuate! Kirk's! Sentences!
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