- Hilarious list of English "rules"
that break the very rule they are trying to explain:
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- 1. Always avoid alliteration.
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- 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
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- 3. Avoid cliches like the plague--they're old hat.
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- 4. Employ the vernacular.
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- 5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
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- 6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
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- 7. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
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- 8. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
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- 9. Contractions aren't necessary.
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- 10. Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English
quid pro quo.
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- 11. One should never generalize.
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- 12. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I
hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
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- 13. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
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- 14. Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
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- 15. Profanity fucking sucks.
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- 16. Be more or less specific.
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- 17. Understatement is always best.
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- 18. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
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- 19. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
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- 20. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
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- 21. The passive voice should not be used.
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- 22. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
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- 23. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors--even if
a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
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- 24. Who needs rhetorical questions?
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- 25. Don't use commas, that, are not necessary.
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- 26. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
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- 27. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
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- 28. Subject and verb always has to agree.
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- 29. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions. Avoid archaeic
spellings too.
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- 30. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
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- 31. Use your spell checker to avoid mispelling and to catch typograhpikal
errors.
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- 32. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
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- 33. Don't be redundant.
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- 34. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its
not needed.
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- 35. Don't never use no double negatives.
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- 36. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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- 37. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how
others use them.
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- 38. Eschew obfuscation.
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- 39. No sentence fragments.
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- 40. Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
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- 41. A writer must not shift your point of view.
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- 42. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!!!!!
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- 43. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences,
as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
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- 44. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
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- 45. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking
verb is.
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- 46. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
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- 47. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular
nouns in their writing.
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- 48. Always pick on the correct idiom.
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- 49. The adverb always follows the verb.
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- 50. And always be sure to finish what
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