Chapter Two
by Hayley, 2001

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.
Two can be as bad as one,
it's the loneliest number since the number one.
--Aimee Mann "One"

THE RULES OF THE PACT

1) Order was decided through the drawing of straws. The order is as follows: first--Zac, second--Isaac, third--Taylor. No switching allowed.

2) The pact is not to be discussed with anyone else.

3) The pact is not to be discussed amongst ourselves unless all four are present, and all agree to discuss.

4) January will decide when each act is to take place and will give no warning. It could be tomorrow, it could be a month from now.

5) After each act, it is not to be discussed with the others or even acknowledged to the others unless all agree to discuss. (see rule #3)

6) Anyone can back out at anytime, no questions asked.

*ZAC*

And like that, it was all settled. We spoke of it no more. It's been 4 days since we made the pact and things are downright eerie. We're not acting all nervous and awkward around each other--that's what's eerie. Everything went back to normal, as if no pact had been made. But it was made and we all know it, and I know it's always present in their minds because it's always present in mine. But we just pretend it's not.

Last night we went to a movie--Sugar and Spice. January's choice; we lost the rock-paper-scissors tournament and reluctantly agreed to go. She's a cheerleader so it makes sense that she'd wanna see a cheerleading movie. But this one was kinda different. It was about a pregnant cheerleader. And every time she was on the screen with that huge belly, my palms would sweat and I would feel panicked. I wondered if the others were feeling the same way but we all just stared straight ahead, our eyes never leaving the screen. That's when it hit me. Sex causes babies. Of course I already knew that, I have 6 brothers and sisters, but it hit me in relation to us. That this pact could result in a baby. Fuck, how would we even know who the father is?! January said that we would take all precautions but accidents do happen (7 kids in my family, remember?).

Are we crazy to be doing this? Every day I change my mind 50 times about this but I haven't backed out yet. I don't think I will. I don't think any of us could back out now. Things would never be the same. But then, if we go through with this, things will definitely never be the same. Fuck. We are crazy for doing this.

*ISAAC*

Jesus. I can't look at her the same way now. All I can think about is that soon, we're gonna have sex. I don't see her as just my friend anymore. She's not the girl that taught me how to belch and helped me understand Shakespeare anymore. Now when I look at her, I'm not looking at her face. I'm looking at her legs, her breasts, her ass--God, stop doing this! I'm 3 years older than her and I feel like a stupid little boy, and she's not a girl anymore, she's an actual woman.

I can't believe that she was the one that thought of this. And I know they all can't believe I agreed to it. Immediately. Almost enthusiastically. It's not like I've been harboring desires for January and jumped at this opportunity. I meant what I said the other day. I'm 20 fucking years old and I'm sick of being a virgin. I'm sick of being the conservative one. I'm sick of being the guy that girls like to hug, the guy they consider 'safe' just because I don't have that bewildering sex appeal that girls seem to see in Taylor, and even Zac. God, I'm nervous about this. I don't know what to do in the bedroom. I'm the guy that girls like to hug! January went out to dinner with her mom last night, so us guys decided to rent a movie. We rented What Women Want. A romantic comedy. Something we would never before consider watching. We all acted casual about it, like didn't care what we rented, but we all wanted that one 'cause we have no idea what women want and figured the movie had to have a few tips for us. It didn't, really. It wouldn't have helped anyways, January's not really the type of woman that Helen Hunt is.

I'm scared and nervous and worried and I've wondered if this is a good idea, but it hasn't crossed my mind once to back out. I think I want this to happen, no matter what the consequences will be.

*TAYLOR*

We're going straight to hell for this. And I'm just sort of fine with that. Hey, what better way to go? Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine being involved in something like this. I mean, is this necessary? Does losing our virginity matter that much to us? Apparently so, because no one's backed out yet, a week later, and I don't plan on it. I don't know why. Every bone in my body tells me this is a huge risk and we could lose everything. Do things like this ever turn out well?! I love my brothers more than anything and I love January almost as much, and the pact could destroy all of that. But I have no intention of backing out. I don't think anyone else does either.

At first, I didn't think I'd be able to think of January in a sexual way. Then I looked at her. Really looked at her. And I started remembering the glances I sneaked at her in a bathing suit; the day I accidentally grabbed her breast and the cold shower that followed; and how every time we've slept next to each other, on a bed, on a floor, whatever, I couldn't sleep knowing her body was next to mine. Now...I feel like a pervert for staring at her so much. I feel like I haven't taken my eyes off of her since we made this pact. I noticed Ike staring too, but Zac seems to be making a point of not staring at her. I wonder if she notices our depraved stares? Probably not, otherwise she'd back out right away and run in the opposite direction, screaming. God, please say this ends well. I don't wanna lose the people I love most in the world.

*JANUARY*

A pill a day and you're free as a bird. I've been taking these birth control pills for a week, and I swear I can feel it killing the tiny egg that could've been a person. They've already taken effect. I'm free to have sex anytime now....yeah...I'm just gonna sit here for a few days and wait for the courage to call Zac.

I still can't believe they all agreed to this. Not because of the idea, but because of me. I always thought they saw me in a purely sisterly way. The stares they've been giving me lately suggest otherwise. I can't understand why. I'm not dogfaced but I'm plain beyond words. I can't see anyone looking at this and getting aroused. Brown hair, does nothing. Green eyes, not very special. Not chubby, but not a toothpick. 5'2", with a B cup and a Jennifer Lopez ass. They deserve better than this. Better than me. But if they're willing, I'm not gonna turn them down.

As long as I can remember, I didn't care about waiting for marriage but I did care about waiting until I was in love. But lately I've been thinking: what if I never fall in love? It's entirely possible that I never will. And how do you know you're in love anyway? I know that I love Isaac, Taylor, and Zac very much. Maybe it's not the kind of love I dreamed of when I was little, but it's still love. And I trust them. Completely. That's very important to me.

Okay. Call Zac. You gotta call Zac. He's first. Taylor had looked disappointed when he was appointed third. I wasn't. I want him to be the last. Because...well, I don't know why. I guess...I wanna be good at this by the time it's his turn? I want him to like me. I want him to want me. I want him to feel the butterflies I feel.

Zac. Call Zac. The time is now. As soon as I make this call, there is no turning back, no matter what rule #6 says. I am choosing a path for all 4 of us. I just hope it's the right one.

*ZAC*

"Hello?"

"Zac?"

A chill ran down my spine. It's January. And this is no social call. Palms already sweating. "Yeah?", I answered meekly.

"Where's Isaac and Taylor?" God, I was right.

"Uh, Isaac's out with Dad, and Taylor's over at Warren Peace's house."

"Okay, well, why don't you...come over here?" She sounded shaky. She sighed. "You know what I'm saying."

"Yeah. I'll, uh, be right over."

"'Kay. ....bye."

"Bye." I slowly hung up the phone.

"Zac?" I jumped about 5 feet.

"Uh, yeah, Mom?" I half expected her to ask if that giant thumping noise was my heart, which of course it was.

"Who was on the phone?"

"January. I'm gonna go...hang out over there for awhile." I can't lie. I hate it. Well, technically I'm not lying. I'm just omitting certain events that are about to take place.

"Did Judy leave this morning?" January's mom. Her ad company is based in L.A. so she's not around much. They're both okay with it, though. They get along really well. She moved January here 'cause she didn't want her to grow up in the cesspool of corruption that is Los Angeles. January's dad was never in the picture so it's always been just her, her mom, and the housekeeper, Sheila, who's like a second mom.

"Yeah, I think she's gone for a week."

"Well, I'm sure Sheila can handle the two of you." Yeah, right. I'm betting that Sheila's not home, otherwise January wouldn't have called. "Yeah, right. I'll, uh, be home at 5, kay?" I made my way towards the door.

"All right. Have fun!" Oh, God. She did NOT just say that.

I pushed my guilty feelings aside and walked up to January's house on the next block. I stood outside the door for a good 5 minutes, not even thinking. She wouldn't come to the door, we'd all given up on knocking and other such formalities years ago. Okay, Zac, suck it up, man. In the immortal words of Nike: 'Just do it'. Okay, that was bad. Just stop thinking all together. I took a deep breath and opened the door.