You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When

• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
• You lick your coffeepot clean.
• You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
• You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
• You can jump-start your car without cables.
• All your kids are named "Joe."
• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
• You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
• The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• You're so wired, you pick up FM radio.
• Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
• You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
• You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
• You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
• You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
• You get drunk just so you can sober up.
• Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
• You don't tan, you roast.
• You can't even remember your second cup.
• You introduce your spouse as your "Coffeemate."
• You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

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