Stace Lee Narration: Hello there, true believers!  Are you ready to enter a world of spandex clad superpirates?  Welcome to the Pirate Universe!

(Westchester County - behind the façade of the School for the Curiously Gifted, there is the secret base of the superhero team known as the D-Men!  Gifted with unusual powers that are not understood by normal folk, these superheroes fight for the forces of good everywhere!)

(In the secret base's rec room, waiting for the next call to battle the forces of not so good, sit three members of the D-Men; Nami, Sanji and Zoro. They are all wearing a lot more spandex than they usually do (barring doujin that is.)  Zoro's woollier too - tufts of green chest hair appear out of the top of his yellow and blue spandex ensemble.  Sanji is stilll chain-smoking, his hair is still in his face, but he's foregone his suit for a trench coat. He also seems to have a nervous tic involving shuffling cards.  Nami is Nami - only in spandex.)

Zoro: Ow. (three long blades slide out of the space between his knuckles) Ow. (the knives slide back in) Ow.  (the knives slide out) Ow.  (the knives slide in) Ow.

Sanji: Tell me - I must know - why do you do that?

Zoro (growling): Chicks like angst and tortured anti-heroes.  I'm merely reminding them (the knives slide out) Ow. Of how hot I am.

Sanji: I disagree, mon nakama. Chicks like the smooth men with accents. Isn't that right, cher?

(The last comment is directed to Nami, who is reading the paper.  She raises her eyebrow.  A bolt of lightning arcs through the air and hits Sanji right in the chest, knocking him across the room.  A second bolt does the same thing to Zoro.)

Zoro (growling from his place on the floor - actually it's quite impossible for him to talk without growling): What the hell was that for?  I wasn't hitting on you!

(Nami licks her finger and turns the page.)

Nami: It was because you weren't hitting on me.

==============

Stace Lee Narration: We find ourselves in New York City: Marvel of the age and where our next superheroes make their home.

(A fantastically complicated science lab in a high rise penthouse apartment in Manhattan.  Mr. Fantastico (in spandex) is sitting in front of a computer so big that it needs it's own zip code. The leader of the Fantastico Ds is picking his nose industriously and studying the computer screen.  It appears to be showing re-runs of ALF. Suddenly alarms go off!)

Mr. Fantastico: Ace, it's the signal!

Ace (polishing his boots): That's Batman, Luffy.

Mr. Fantastico: It's Professor Doombuggy and the Malicious Lingering League of Evil-doers!  We have to go save the world!

(Mr. Fantastico leaps from his chair and, using his superpowers, stretches towards the door.  He pauses mid stretch and hangs/bounces there.)

Mr. Fantastico: Ace?

(Ace looks up from his boot polishing and glowers.)

Ace: I'm not going if I have to say it.

Mr. Fantastico (eyes tearing up): But you can't be a superhero if you don't have a catch phrase…

Ace: I'm not saying it, Luffy.

Mr. Fantastico (lip quivers): Not Luffy.  Mr. Fantastico…  Puh-lease, Ace?  Puh-lease play along - or I'll get kicked out of the League of Super Duper Heroes!

Ace: Fine.  (squinches up his eye like he's in pain and mutters something - then bursts into flames.)

Mr. Fantastico: I couldn't hear you.  It doesn't count if you say your catch phrase in secret.

(Ace puts himself out and glares at his brother and grits his teeth.)

Ace (mutters a long chain of curses then cries): FLAME ON! 

(Ace bursts into flames.)

Ace: THERE!  Are you happy now?!

(Mr. Fantastico barely manages to keep a straight face.)

Mr. Fantastico: Thank you so much!  That made my day!

Ace: LUFFY!  IS THAT A TAPE RECORDER?

(Mr. Fantastico runs like mad and so is born one of the greatest enmities in the Pirate Universe!  Ace is lost to evil and the two brothers forever must fight against each other.)

Mr. Fantastico: It was a joke!  Can't you take a joke, Ace?

===============

Stace Lee Narration: The lives of superheroes are complex.  With great power comes the even greater possibility of annoyance and abuse of privacy in the form of rabid fans and the paparazzi...

(New York City.  Mild-mannered Chopper is being accosted by the public.)

Tourist: Chopper, do you have a girlfriend?

Chopper: No.  Excuse me.

(He tries to push past the adoring hero-worshipers but the crowd is too thick and he's too small.)

Another Tourist: Do you have a boyfriend?

Chopper: No! I'm gonna be late for my dentist appointment.

Tourist No. 3: What's your favorite color?

Chopper (nervously): Please.  You're making me angry…

Tourist No. 4:

Chopper: You won't like it when I'm angry…

Japanese Tourist: Do you like natto?

(Chopper changes into his alter-ego - The Choppa! - a behemoth monster that destroys all he comes across.)

The Choppa: CHOPPA NO LIKE NATTO!  CHOPPA SMASH!  CHOPPA BREAK! RAWR!

(The annoying tourists flee the raging Choppa.)

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In the Vortex

(Chopper cries, but before he can be picked up and squished into the bosoms of either Nami and Vivi and thereby earn the jealous rage of Sanji, the crew is sucked back into another universe!)

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(Ben is sitting at a desk.  He turns and speaks directly to the 'camera' even though Camera Girl turned into F.O.Z Girl way back in the Party's Bar Arc.)

Ben: Hello.  I'm Ben Beckman. And today I'm going to make history.  I'm going to put up 5,000 berii of my own dough that says I know more than you.  So if you're smart enough… fast enough… and if you've got the guts…

Shanks (as Announcer): YOU can win Ben Beckman's money!

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Random Quote Analysis

"Life is pain, princess.  Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something." - The Man in Black, the Princess Bride

(Empty beer cans and bottles litter the floor of the college dorm like RQA space. Kohza is curled up into a fetal ball in his cage.  The Author and Nojiko are still singing.  Kohza lifts his head wearily - proving to himself that he has not yet had enough to drink.)
Kohza: That could be restated.  Life is pain a.k.a. being stuck in a karaoke room with two tone-deaf girls who like the Vengaboys…

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Things Explained
Just in case you missed it all - Zoro as Wolverine, Sanji as Gambit, Nami as Storm, Luffy as Mr. Fantastic, Ace as the Human Torch, Chopper as the Hulk and Ben Beckman as Ben Stein.  Oh and the Author as Stan Lee.  (bows in apology to Mr. Lee)