Kayadriel's Voice: It began with the weaving of the great hats.  Three hats to the Pointy Ears, immortal and wisest and fairest and most beautiful and best smelling and good singers and really nice to animals and with better shampoo than all -

(Everyone not a Pointy Ear mutters in the background about getting on with it.)

Kayadriel's Voice (smugly): Ahem.  Where was I?  Ah yes. Five hats to the short ones - who only wish they were as cool as the Pointy Ears. And finally, seven hats to the race of Marines who above all else desire justice. 

Chorus of Marines: And hot chicks! And cool cars!  And good beer! And -

Kayadriel's Voice: Hush.

But they were all deceived (yes, even us cool pointy eared ones but it only happened that one time). Another hat was made. The dark lord Gold Roger conceived a Hat to rule the oceans of the world. And into this hat he poured his cruelty and his malice and his will to dominate and his being not nice to animals and his bitter spirit and the most cheap-o hotel shampoo two in one nasty foulness that he could. 

One hat to rule them all! One by one, the free islands of the sea fell to the power of the Hat.  But there were some who resisted!  A last alliance of Marines and Pointy Ears sailed against the navy and they fought for freedom.

(Cut to Tashigi, the half Marine leader of the Pointy Ears, and Smoker versus the icky drooly mess of evil Porcs and whatnot in front of them.)

Smoker (turning to Tashigi): You don't look old enough to be drinking let alone fighting the forces of darkness.

Tashigi: I'm 210, thank you very much.

Kayadriel's Voice: Victory was near but the power of the hat could not be undone.  It was in this moment, when all hope had faded that Smoker took up his jutei -

(Cut to Smoker, picking up his jutei and knocking the One Hat off Gold Roger's head.)

so the enemy of the free peoples was defeated.  The Hat was passed to Smoker who had this one chance to destroy it but the hearts of Marines are easily corrupted.

(Smoker is standing in his cabin wearing the straw hat and admiring himself in the mirror.)

And the Hat of Power has a will of its own.  It betrayed Smoker.

(Tashigi enters the room without knocking. A large gust of wind blows the Hat off Smoker's head and out the door! He chases after it - right over the side of the ship. This becomes a small problem since Smoker can't swim…)

And some things that were not supposed to be forgotten were.  History became legend and legend became myth.  For two thousand years the Hat passed out of all knowledge. Until when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer. 

(The Hat floats to the beach. Someone picks it up.)

For five hundred years, the Hat waited. Darkness crept back into the abyss of the seas, whispers of a nameless fear and the Hat perceived its time had now come.  But something happened then that the Hat did not intend.  It was picked up a hoppitz, Ace of the Village. For the time has come when hoppitz shape the fortune of all.

=================

(Chibi Frolu skips merrily through the Hoppitz village.)

Frolu: Lalalalalalalala!  Today's my brother's birthday!  Lalalalalalala!  I'm going to go see him. Lalalalalala!  I'm so happy and unaware of the darkness in the world!

(In the Hoppitz hole.)

Shandalf: This really is a hole.

Chibi Ace: I've seen where you live, Shandalf, so don't diss my pad. It's my birthday today. Where's my present?

(Shandalf searches the pockets of his robe.)

Shandalf: Stick of gum?

Ace: I'll pass.  Hey, make sure my brother gets this.

Shandalf: You're leaving behind the Hat?

Ace: Well, other people who also call me a friend managed to get me presents that don't suck. (Models his new and improved black cowboy hat.) Say bye to Frolu for me. I'm leaving the village tonight to become a pirate.

Shandalf: Aren't you a little short to be a pirate?

Ace: Aren't you a little stupid to be an all-knowing wizard?

Shandalf (dryly): Don't let me keep you.

Ace: Oh, I won't.

(Ace leaves by the back door while Frolu enters by the front.)

Frolu: AACCEEE!!!!  Oh!  Shandalf!  What a happy wonderful surprise on my brother's birthday!  Does he know you're here? (runs through the house)  ACCEEE!!!!

Shandalf: Your brother left to become a pirate.

Frolu (his eyes are bright with tears): Ace left me?

Shandalf: Yes. I'm very sorry about that.

Frolu (brightens up): So long as you're still here, everything is AOK!

Shandalf: I have to go too.

(Frolu's lower lip trembles.)

Shandalf: But uh…why don't you hang onto this hat that your brother gave you?

Frolu (cheering up immediately): Oh!  A present!

Shandalf: That's right. A present but whatever you do don't put it -

(Frolu struts around the room proudly wearing the hat.)

Frolu: I love this hat. Doesn't it look good?

Shandalf: I wouldn't know. You're invisible.

Frolu (taking it off and staring at it in awe): This hat is the kewlest!

(Shandalf gathers his robes imperiously around him.)

Shandalf: I must go!  Keep that hat in a safe place until I send you word!

=================
(Stuff happens. Shandalf sends word. Frolu meets some hoppitz friends and go to a bar. They get picked up by a ranger. Everyone learns to look both ways before crossing the road and that all fires should be made in designated fire pits while traveling through national parks. Then they finally make it to the Designated Land of the Pointy Ears. The plot starts again.)

Scene: The Very Important Conference to decide what to do with the Hat!

Tashigi: Before we begin I wish you to know that I find all of you inferior.

Shandalf: Excellent speech. That stirred my loins, Tashigi.

Tashigi: Shut up, you perv. Okay, the Hat. I want it out of my land. Bengorn, you're in charge.

(Bengorn, stoic ranger type and not quite King, raises an eyebrow.)

Bengorn: What am I supposed to do with it?

Tashigi: I don't know. Drop it in a volcano or something. Just get rid of it.

Bengorn: Get rid of it? You mean get rid of me.

A Voice At Knee Level: You can't leave things like this to men!!

Tashigi: Well put, Gimvi. Men suck.

(Gimvi - who has a luxurious blue beard that reminds all who see him…er, her?…dang, never can tell with them dwarves.  Anyway, all who see Gimvi's beard are reminded of the bubbling running waters of a river. And notice that s/he is really short.)

Gimvi: Not just men. Pointy Ears suck too! You think you're so great and just because you have shampoo!

New Person: It's hardly our fault that the Pointy Ears have made more advances in every area of life than anyone else.

Gimvi: Except mimes. You'll never beat us in any miming contest, Legolus!

(Legolus, Pointy Ear archer, laughs and tosses his long, black, Herbal Essence scented locks in a pointed manner, trying to hide his embarrassment that the short ones are indeed much better at miming than the Pointy Ears could ever hope to be. Girls sigh. Gale force winds sweep over the counsel. Everyone grabs onto something or someone. When the wind dies down, only eight people are left.)

Cham: I guess this means I'm the pack animal again.

(Sanry and Zoppin aka Chibi-Nasu and Zoro-ko glare at each other. Just coz.)

Frolu: This is going to be SO MUCH FUN!

(Tashigi eyes the group of us. It consists of a ranger, a pervy old man, one dwarf, one Pointy Ear whom she barely approves of, and four hoppitz.)

Tashigi (forcing a smile): Good luck.

=====================
Random Quote Analysis
I got a milkshake with an umbrella in it.  It cannot be diluted by rain! Not any more! - Shelley, Scary Go Round

(Kohza and Mihawk also have milkshakes with small umbrellas in them. Kohza's is strawberry. Mihawk's is vanilla. The milkshake has appeared to have calmed Mihawk enough that he does not need to use a paper bag to breathe. He's telling his woes to Kohza.)
Mihawk: ...and then they took advantage of my grades. So I quit and struck out on my own. But I couldn't have done it if Shanks hadn't introduced me to the power of the pimpin' cape. So you see? I have to get out of this place. I HAVE TO!
Kohza: So far the only ways that have been proven outs are by bribing the Author or getting sucked into an alternate dimension.
Mihawk: Hmm. What does the Author like?
Kohza: Other people's pain. Inappropriate things. Inappropriate painful things.
[Nutella.]
(Mihawk looks at Kohza. Kohza looks at Mihawk.)
Kohza: Don't even think about it. Sir.

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Things Explained
Erm. Yes? If you haven't picked up the plot of LotR through media osmosis then you are a stronger human than I.
No I did not type out Galadriel's speech at the intro and then just change words. I didn't. Stop looking at me like that.
And of course Usopp would be an elf. They never miss and neither does he!
Scary-Go-Round; it's British, so it has to be good!