Narrator: A crack special pirate unit was sent to a Marine court for a crime they didn't commit.  These pirates promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade and into the Grandline.  Today, still wanted by the world government, they survive as pirates of fortune.  If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire -

(cue catchy theme song)

(Recap: The D-Team has answered a call for help from a group of nuns who run an orphanage on the Grandline.  While battling the bandits that have been terrorizing the nuns, they also have to escape detection by the Marine Col. Smoker, who's sole mission is to take them back to Loguetown to serve out the remainder of their sentence. Currently, Nami, Sanji, and Luffy are comforting the nuns and orphans while waiting for their transport - left to the capable duo of Usopp and Zoro.)

Nami (as Amy 'Triple A' Anderson, token girl in the gang): We look seriously outnumbered here.  Do you have a plan for us, Col. Luffy?

Sanji (as Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck, ladies man and master of disguise): I don't like Luffy's plans. 

Luffy (as Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith, the man with the plan, the leader of the group): What's wrong with my plans?

Sanji: They aren't plans at all!  We rush the enemy and hope to God we make it out alive!  And then, when we miraculously do, you stand back and say, "I love it when a plan comes together."

Luffy: What's your point?  It works, doesn't it?

Nami (exasperated): Where is our ride?

Vivi (as random nun): Let us pray.

Chopper (an orphan): I'm gonna die, aren't I?

(Suddenly a black van, complete with flames painted on the side and decked out with armor and huge mounted machine gun, bursts through the bandits defensive line and into the nun's compound.)

Nami: Phew.  Here it is.

(The black tinted glass of the driver's side window rolls down to reveal�E

Usopp: I pity da fool that isn't in this van in five seconds.

(Usopp, as Sgt. 'B.A.' Baracus!  He is decked out in heavy gold chains and wearing his usual jean overalls and pink sleeveless T-shirt combo.  He looks bad ass - and if you don't think that would look bad ass you better not say it out loud.  The D-Team climb in and the nuns and orphans squeeze into the back.)

Luffy: Where'd you get the wheels, Usopp?

Usopp: I made dis van out of chicken wire and duct tape, fool.

Sanji: Hey, where's Zoro?

Chopper: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

(He leaps off his seat and finds that he wasn't sitting on a pile of old rags, but rather, a bound and gagged Zoro!  Zoro is wearing his black handkerchief, but it is pulled much further down on his face and two eye holes have been cut out for him to see.)

Nami: Dear lord, what happened to him?

Usopp (glowering, as he guns the engine and takes off): I got sick of the fool's jibba jabba.
(Vivi removes Zoro's gag.)

Zoro (as Capt. 'Mad Dog' Murdoch): I am the Masked Avenger!  I will save the weak from the merciless tyrants of the world!  I will uphold justice and -

(Vivi solemnly puts the gag back in Zoro's mouth.)

Chopper: Poor crazy man.

Luffy: Best damn swordsman you'll ever see, kid.

Vivi: You let him have sharp objects?

(Luffy blinks for a minute.  He's at a loss for words, when confronted with such an observation.  He rallies.)

Luffy: I love it when a plan comes together!  Hahahahahaha!

(Sanji and Nami proceed to beat the tar out of him.)

Usopp (growling): I pity da fool that bothers me while I'm driving�Elt;br>
(Miles away from the fleeing chicken wire and duct tape van, the bandits (among whom Shanks and Ben are a number) are being rounded up by the M.P aka Marine Police.  Smoker stands in the wreckage of the nun's compound and gazes out the van shaped hole in the wall.)
Smoker (as Col. Decker): Next time, Luffy.  I'll get you and your D-Team and bring you to justice!

===================
"I pity da fool." - Mr. T as B.A. on the A-Team

(Kohza is sitting in the corner, far away from Shu Shu who is hogging the leather couch.  Kohza has wrapped up his injured hand.)
Kohza: I pity me. 
Shu Shu: Wan.


next
smut
home

====================
Terms Explained
This was based off of an actual episode of the A-Team called The Only Church in Town. My friend and I watched about eight hours of the A-Team in one sitting for her paper on the after effects of the Vietnam War on the American psyche.  Remember, everyone, a liberal arts education is the only education to get.
THE AUTHOR APOLOGIZES!  MOOSHIWAKE ARIMASEN.  But there was no one else for Zoro to be except Murdoch.  And doesn't Usopp make a cool Mr. T?  It fits perfectly - Usopp builds stuff and wears overalls, B.A. builds stuff and wears overalls = tada, match!
Vivi is the nun played by Markie Post of Night Court fame, in case that interests anyone.  Probably only children of the 80s will care.