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The Mystery of the Detached Non-Detached Cuffs
Voice 1: Nice to meet you.
Voice 2: The pleasure is mine. Did you bring the necessary items?
Voice 1 (taps the gasoline can and pulls a packet of matches out of the pocket): Of course. It's ready to go. You care to do the honors?
Voice 2: Yes. (lights the match, then drops it on the little stream of fuel that lies at their feet. The fuel ignites and snakes its way towards the greenhouse.)
Voice 1: You don't look like how I pictured you.
Voice 2: Really? How's that?
Voice 1: I thought you'd be…more…
Voice 2: Female?
Voice 1 (gratefully): Yes! More female.
Voice 2: I thought you'd be more male, so I guess it works out then, huh?
Voice 1 (pouty): What is that supposed to mean?
Voice 2: Nothing. I can't really expect that here, can I? Not in Ohtori, the land of bishonen. I've got your fee right here.
Voice 1 (laughing maniacally): No fee for me thanks. I certainly don't need payment for something this enjoyable.
Voice 2: Perhaps you should be leaving now. We don't want to be caught near the scene of the 'accident.'
Voice 1: Okay! Tata. (prances away.)
Voice 2 (cringing): The sooner this place burns down, the better, if it stops behavior like that.
(Voice 2 goes off in search of a proper body.)
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(Makino, as per script, stumbles into a sunlit part of the Smut garden.)
Makino: I can't find a single crazed sexual pervert here. Oh wait, I'm here, never mind. (reads script, then shakes her fist at the sky.) I can't believe what you make me say!
(Author shrugs.)
Utena (walking towards the dueling arena): Who are you?
Makino (frantically thinks of a cover): I'm…the cleaning lady. (pats her kerchief as if it is proof) I have to clean the Dean's office! Yeah! That's right!
Utena (darkly): 'Clean the office?' Is that his story now?
Makino: Excuse me?
Utena: If you're one of Akio's willing or unwilling sex slaves, he's usually at the planetarium at this time of day.
Makino: Akio? I'm looking for a Mr. Party.
Utena: Yes. That would be Akio then. Follow me.
Makino: It doesn't sound like you like Mr. Party. Not surprising. Did he screw you over on a business deal too?
Utena: In an abstract way, yes.
Makino (beaming): I'm going to get even with him. I'm going to watch as his entire world crumbles around him. It's going to be fun.
Utena: Oh, I don't want to miss that. (pouts) But I have this stupid duel to go to. Let me take you to the observatory though. It's on the way.
Makino: Great. Let's go.
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(Sanji (in Anthy's body) and Zoro are standing underneath the upside-floating castle on the dueling platform in the Mysterious Forest behind the School that No One is Supposed to Enter. Sanji (in Anthy's body) is bedecked in the Rose Bride outfit.)
Anthy: I am sick of this place. Seriously sick of this place.
Zoro: What are you complaining about now?
Anthy: The elevator.
Zoro: It was better than taking all those stairs. Did you see how many steps there were?
Anthy: What about the random choral music and then all my clothes disappearing? What the hell is 'Absolute Destiny Apocalypse' anyway?
Zoro: Oh yeah.
Anthy (gesturing violently): Naked chicks in elevators. You would think there could only be good things going on when you put those words together, but NO! Not when I'M the naked chick. Not when I'm in the elevator with YOU!
Zoro (suddenly entranced): Wave your arms like that again.
Anthy: You aren't paying attention to a damn thing I'm saying!
Zoro (curious): Did you notice your detached cuffs never move from your wrist?
Anthy: And this outfit! What the hell is going on?
Zoro: Let me see. Is it toupee tape?
Anthy: I can't control my body!
Zoro: How is this any different than usual?
Anthy: Keep it up, smartass. Don't forget, I don't mind kicking guys in the groin anymore.
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(Scene change. Utena is standing at the elevator that has definitely left for the top floor.)
Utena: Damn.
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(The dueling area. "Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku" begans playing and just as mysteriously, Anthy starts waving her arms around.)
Anthy: What the hell? Now I'm possessed by a ghost and doing tai chi?
Zoro (watching the detached cuffs): Look at that. They just don't move. Maybe they're held in place by that glue the high school girls use to keep the socks up.
(The strains of the vague choral music fade. A figure appears at the end of the arena; it's Utena, the Heroine! Anthy turns as pale as her very tanned visage can turn.)
Utena: Another duel; another foray into the weirdness that is my life.
Anthy: Wait. Definitely feeling something.
Utena: Where's that pirate guy?
Anthy: Something akin to emotion - perhaps, could it be? Yes, this is definitely LUST!
Utena: Anthy? Are you alright?
Anthy (pumps fist into the air): This rocks! I'm a lesbian!
Utena: You're acting very strange, Anthy. And who's that?
Anthy: Him? He's the Rose…Usher. Yes. He's the usher. Aren't you, Zoro? (gives him the newly patented Sanji-in-Anthy's-body 'I am female now and have no qualms about giving you a vicious kick to the groin' look.)
Zoro: Yup. Rose Usher.
Utena: We never had one of those before.
Anthy (pushing Zoro out of the way): He's not important. Give me a kiss.
Utena: Anthy, what's come over you?
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Random Quote Analysis:
The spice must flow. - Dune
Note: Sanji and Zoro get a break this episode. In their contracts, it states that they can only be spammed in a RQA and regular scene for a certain amount of continuous episodes. Technically they should have been returned to the hell that is 'Random Quote Analysis' but the Author had so much fun analyzing a quote with Kohza that the two of them will be analyzing again.
Kohza: I have a question before we begin. Hasn't Zoro been in the RQA much longer than Sanji?
Author: That's right. It's because Zoro didn't bother to read his contract before beginning this adventure. He got the worst terms of the group as a consequence.
Kohza: They signed contracts?
Author: Well, people with power of attorney signed contracts for them. Shall we start?
(clears throat) Once again, something straight forward. The spice must flow. Not 'should', not 'can', not 'will' - it must and it does.
Kohza (dryly): Is this supposed to be a reference to the Dance Powder incident?
Author: You were in charge of a rebellion, just like Paul. And it was about a mysterious substance that was vital to the working of the kingdom, just like on Arrakis. And the action did take place in the desert that was filled with giant creatures, once again, just like on Arrakis. And you did end up with the king's daughter and did become ruler of the known universe.
Kohza: No, I didn't. Especially that last bit.
Author: The parallels are very clear.
Kohza: No, they aren't.
Author: You just refuse to see them.
Kohza: The Alabasta Arc and Dune have nothing to do with each other!
Author: Whatever Pau- Kohza.
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