OKAY!  LET THE ACTION BEGIN!

(On the defensive wall of Ohtori Academy.  The SDF ROTC student officers watch the huddled pirates.)

Miki: We should attack now, while they're planning.

Touga: We can't attack them.

Saionji: But we're nigh invulnerable!

Touga: When we're attacked - not when we do the attacking.

Miki: What kind of a crummy power is that?

Saionji: Are we Switzerland?

Touga: We're bishonen.  If we went around attacking people, then we'd belong in a shonen universe.  You don't want to be in a shonen universe.

Saionji (shuddering): Fist of the North Star is scary.

Miki:  We have to do something though!  One of their members has blue hair.

Touga: And what does that have to do with anything?

Miki: It means she is a genius, like me, and that could pose some serious problems.

===============

(On the street, in the huddle.)

Luffy (excited): You have a plan, Shanks?

Shanks: No.  I have a question.  What's 'nigh invulnerable'?

(The guys look at Nami and Vivi.)

Nami: Does it say 'dictionary' on my forehead?

Vivi (rolling eyes): Good lord.  It means that they are almost, but not quite, invulnerable.

(The guys look at Nami and Vivi.)

Nami: Try smaller words.

Vivi (as speaking to very stupid children): It is…very…difficult… to… hurt… them.

===============

(On the wall.)

Saionji: So if we can't attack them, what do we do?

Touga (pushing transparent hair out of his eyes): We look imposing, handsome and god-like, so that they become confused and go away.

Saionji: Oh, I can do that. (strikes what he thinks is a god-like and imposing pose.)

Miki: What happens if they aren't fooled?

Touga (brushes his transparent hair out of his face): Fooled?  Who are we fooling?

Miki: What if they don't go away?  What if they attack?

Saionji (breaking out of what he wishes was a god-like and imposing pose): Huh?  Attack?  What?

Miki (as if speaking to stupid children): Touga, since they are pirates, they may attack.  And because they are pirates, they are most likely very good at attacking.  Looking good isn't going to save our skin.

Touga: Yes, it is.  We're bishonen - they can't hurt us.  And if they try to hurt us, some miracle will save us.  God doesn't let bishonen get hurt.

Miki: I forgot you failed Logic class.

Saionji (nervously): Are we going to die?

Miki (glances at Touga, who is preening): Yes.

===============

(The pirates are in a huddle, determining how they will overwhelm the bishonen trio and get into the school.)

Usopp: In my professional opinion, I am quite certain that these people are lying.

Nami: All who believe Usopp, say Aye.

All: Aye!

Usopp (gets tears in his eyes): You believe me!  You really believe me!

Luffy: Then on my signal, we choke hold bum rush those pansies.  When I say 'Break,' break! (claps hands together) Break!

===============

(On the wall.)

Saionji (cowering behind Miki): We're going to die.

Touga: Forget roses, you two are pansies.  We are going to be fine.  Trust me.

Saionji (watching the pirates): And I thought you were the insane one, Miki.

(In the street.)

Luffy: Ready?  One -

(Zoro breaks out his swords.  Nami pulls out her bo.  Usopp loads his slingshot.  Vivi pulls her strings out of her shirt.)

Touga:  Whoohoo!

Miki (squeaking): Here they come.  (tries to put on a brave face.)  But it matters not!  My death will be for the greater glory of the Empire!

Saionji: Then you don't mind if I use your body as a shield?

Luffy: Two -

Shanks (takes a step back): I'm going to delegate over here.  You all go ahead.

Luffy (muttering): …disillusioned…and THR-

(Just then Nanami and Juri step between the walls of the Ohtori and the pirates.)

Nanami: For the sake of my brother's beautiful physique, I beg of you to please not come into Ohtori!

===============

Trailer Substitution:

(On the red eye from Amsterdam to North America.  The members of the Arsonists Anonymous Group, plus The Great Detective Conan, are tracking the movements of Makino, suspected relapsed arsonist at large.  Conan believes that she is heading to North America, but where and for what purpose, he has yet to reveal to the group as a whole.  Currently, Conan is crushed against the window by the glomped on body of Hikaru.  The moderator is snoring softly in the aisle seat.  Sailor Mars is on the other side of the aisle, wearing the eyeblinds that aid sleeping in some way, and Shayla Shayla is between her and a sick sleeping sumo wrestler.)

Shayla Shayla (poking Mars in the ribs): Janken for your seat?

Sailor Mars: Hell no, I don't think so.

Shayla Shayla: This sucks.  I can't sleep with Mt. Fuji wheezing next to me.  And what the heck was a sumo doing in Amsterdam anyway?

Sailor Mars (removing eyeblinds): Other than sampling the legal prostitution and drugs?

Shayla Shayla: Don't they have to worry about bushido crap?  Can't touch women, that kind of thing?

Sailor Mars: Nah.  Don't think so.

Shayla Shayla: My fingers are itching.  Look at his topknot - all shiny with oil.  (strange fires appear behind her eyes)  Like a wick.

Sailor Mars: Now don't go -

Shayla Shayla (sighs): Don't worry.  It's been sixteen days, seven hours and (checks watch) five minutes since I last set fire to anything….

Sailor Mars: That's right.  Be strong.  I'm here for you.

Shayla Shayla: …anything that didn't absolutely deserve it.


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