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The French, the Horror.
(Sanji tries to hide under a table while the rest of the pirates stand around, wondering what the hell happened. Zoro's nose is bleeding.)
Zoro (holding his face): Muh noz!
Vivi: Watch your hands next time.
(Zoro stalks upstairs to find some tissue and get the blood out of his shirt. Sanji continues cowering under the table.)
Sanji (whimpering): Please, please don't find me.
(Nami emerges from the kitchen, brandishing a pie in one hand and dish of ice cream in another.)
Luffy: Food! (he attempts a glomp, but Nami kicks him in the stomach and he hits the wall.) Ouch.
Nami: Sanji, you are going to eat all of this right now!
Makino: Er, Nami, what are you doing?
Nami: I'm helping Sanji with his eating disorder.
Sanji (wailing): But Nami-san, I don't HAVE an eating disorder.
Nami: Yes, you most certainly do. You are a textbook anorexic.
Usopp (peers under the table): You are a bit on the skinny side, Sanji.
Shanks: Maybe it's not an eating disorder. Maybe it's tuberculosis.
Luffy: Maybe it's a tumor - or a parasite.
Sanji: It's not any of those things! Nami-san, get away from me. I'm not kidding.
(Nami tries to get under the table with Sanji, but he kicks at her.)
Usopp (shaking his head): I never thought I'd see the day.
Makino: Maybe we should take him to a doctor before we diagnose his acute 'Ethiopian state' as anorexia.
Nami: No, I'm right. It is anorexia. He uses his cigarettes as an appetite suppressant, he exercises incessantly -
Sanji: It's not exercise! It's called 'cooking'!
Nami: So you say! But the most damning evidence of all is that he is a COOK and he is not BIG!
Shanks: My momma said never trust a skinny cook.
Sanji (panicking): You can trust me, I swear. I have a high metabolism. It's genetic.
Nami (derisively): Or so the Germans would have us believe!
Usopp: Now that you mention Germans - Sanji looks a bit Aryan to me.
Luffy: Textbook Aryan, in fact.
Sanji (smugly): I'm not German. Everyone knows that Germans can't cook anything but sausages and sauerkraut.
Vivi: AHHA! But the FRENCH most certainly can!
(Everyone gasps.)
Makino: And everyone knows that the French smoke incessantly!
Shanks: They dress extremely well!
Usopp: What are you saying?
Vivi: That perhaps…perhaps Sanji isn't anorexic at all. Perhaps he's -
Nami: Yes?
Luffy: Say it! Say it!
Vivi: Genetically predisposed to being skinny because he's FRENCH!
Trailer:Is Sanji French? Does that mean the author has to kill him? Sanji: Goddamit, I'm not French! Is that what the Germans would have us believe? Has Zoro stopped his bloody nose? Where's Ben? Does anyone care?
next smut home
================ Terms Explained: Mocking the French is an American pastime. Mocking any nationality is a family pastime. 'Or so the Germans would have us believe' - a phrase used by the author's roommate to indicate the unbelievabilty of a statement. It is used like so. Me (dressed up like a nun for Halloween): Look! I'm a nun! Roommate (derisively): Or so the Germans would have us believe.
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