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Not So Funny Jokes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Bull FightOne day, an American was touring Spain. After a day of sightseeing, he stopped at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The American, though momentarily daunted when he learned the origin of the dish said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day since there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to serve you this delicacy!" The next morning, the American returned, placed his order and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The waiter promptly replied, "Si, senor! Sometimes the bull wins " 
A chinese called Jane Walking through Chinatown, a person sees a building with the sign, "Jane's Laundry." "Jane's", he muses...its not a chinese name. So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Jane's Laundry?" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Jane? Its the name of a Woman." "Many, many year ago" says the old man, "when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Woman in front was big blonde. Lady look at her and go, "What your name?" She say, "Jane" then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'" "I say, Sem Ting."
Second World War In Italy, a man went to a priest and confessed. "Forgive me, Father," he said, sobbing. "During World War II, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," the priest replied, "that's not a sin." But," the man admitted, "I made him pay rent." "That wasn't very nice," the priest said, "but you put yourself at risk." "Oh, thank you, Father." the man said. "But I have one more question." "What is it?" "Do you think I have to tell him the war is over?"
Genuine QuestionIn some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the mahabharat katha to a class. He is at the 'Krishnajanma' part of it. Masterji : Toh bachcho, Kans heard the akaashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning. Second one is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..... ....Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot in the class puts up his hand. Masterjii (sounding nervous and confused) : Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in mahabharata and how come u have one? Ramu: Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was goin to kill him, why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in same cell...??
Bad ParrotA man received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. The man tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music , anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming, and then, suddenly, there was quiet. The man was frightened that he might actually have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto the man's extended arm and said.... "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions and ask for your forgiveness will endeavour to correct my behaviour." The man was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him.... when the parrot continued..... "May I ask what the chicken did?"
We IndiansBengali One Bengali is a poet Two Bengalis is a film society Three Bengalis is a political party Four Bengalis is two political parties Bihari One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad Three Biharis is a caste killing Four Biharis is the entire literate population of Patna Punjabi One Punjabi is a 100 kg hulk named Pinky Two Punjabis is a Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky Three Punjabis is an assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds Four Punjabis is a combined IQ equal to ONE Mallu One Mallu is a coconut stall Two Mallus is a boat race Three Mallus is a Gulf job racket Four Mallus is an oil slick UP Bhaiyya One UP bhaiyya is a milkman Two UP bhaiyyas is a halwai shop Three UP bhaiyyas is a fist-fight in the UP assembly Four UP bhaiyyas is a mosque-destruction squad Gujju One Gujju is a share-broker in a Bombay train Two Gujjus is a rummy game in a Bombay train Three Gujjus is Bombay's noisiest restaurant Four Gujjus is a stock market scam Andhraite One Andhraite is a chilli farmer Two Andhraites is a software company in New Jersey Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit Four Andhraites is a song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie Tam-Brahm One Tam-Brahm is a priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple Two Tam-Brahms is a maths tuition class Three Tam-Brahms is a queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m. Four Tam-Brahms is a Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara Bombayite One Bombayite is a footpath vada-pav stall Two Bombayites is a film studio Three Bombayites is a slum Four Bombayites is the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour Sindhi One Sindhi is a currency racket Two Sindhis is a papad factory Three Sindhis is a duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar Four Sindhis is the Hong Kong Retail Traders Association Marwari One Marwari is the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator Two Marwaris own 50% of Calcutta Three Marwaris can finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis Four marwaris can threaten jews as community
Three NunsThree nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.
Sperm TestA 75 year old man went to his doctor's office for a sperm count test. The doctor gave the man a jar, told him to take it home and return the next day with a sample. The next day, the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave the doctor the jar, which was as clean and empty as on previous day. The doctor asked what happened. "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then with my left... still nothing. Then, I asked my wife for help. She tried her right hand... but nothing. Then her left... still nothing. She even tried with her month, both with and without her teeth... and still nothing. We even called the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the damn jar open!"
Irritation, Aggravation & FrustrationA boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration. Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered he asks, "Can I speak to Roger, please?" "No! There's no one called Roger here." The person hangs up. "That's irritation," says Dad. He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Roger a second time. "No, there's no one here called Roger. Go away. Don't call again" "That's aggravation." "Then what's 'frustration'?" asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials a third time: "Hello, this is Roger. Have I received any phone calls?" |
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