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Smart Signs
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On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store"Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
In a Florida maternity ward"No children allowed."
At a US military base"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
On a display of 'You are my one and only' valentine cards"Now available in multi-packs"
In a New Jersey restaurant"Open seven days a week and weekends."
On the walls of a Baltimore estate"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. -- Sisters of Mercy"
A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin"Crap - .79/lb."
In the offices of a loan company"Ask about our plans for owning your home."
On a Tennessee highway"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
A sign on top of a San Fransico drug store located across the street from the Transbay bus terminal
"Terminal Drugs"
From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket "If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."
In a Japanese hotel:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
In an Acapulco hotel:
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
"Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
Newspaper Headlines:
--Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead --Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim --Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told --Miners Refuse to Work after Death --Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half --New Vaccine May Contain Rabies --Include Your Children when Baking Cookies --Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers --Kids Make Nutritious Snacks --Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over --Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout counter --Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One --Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures --Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead --Prostitutes Appeal to Pope |
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