EPILOGUE

“Terri, how are you today? I’ve come to visit again.”

I smiled at the cheery face in front of me as I bent down to wipe the dust off it. I traced my finger along the photograph that was on the tombstone. The inscription on it read: “You’ll live on forever in our hearts. Theresa Au. 1974 – 2001.” I placed the bouquet of Tiger Lilies next to it.

“Oh Terri. I miss you so much. Why did you have to go and leave me? Why? There are so many things I want to tell you. There are so many things on my mind. What was it you wanted to say to me? But you didn’t have to. I knew. I knew all along. I’m so sorry, Terri. I never told you. You remember that time in uni? When my boyfriend at that time dumped me for another girl? Remember how we ended up drinking to drown my sorrows? Boy, you were more gone than I was. I remember you hugging and holding me and suddenly telling me you loved me. I must admit it was quite a shock. I never suspected. How long had I known you? But then you passed out and the next day, you never mentioned anything about that night. I decided to let it be. I thought that you were probably so drunk, you were only blabbering away incoherently and had forgotten what it was you said.”

I sighed and took a deep breath.

“But that night at home. I didn’t know what came over me. When you were on top of me, I recalled that night in uni. Did you really mean it? The way you were looking at me. When you brushed my hair aside, my skin tingled at your touch. Why did it tingle? Why was my heart beating so fast? I was so confused. Then you said those three words again. You had thought I was asleep but I wasn’t. My mind was spinning with a thousand and one questions. Why was I turned on when you had me pinned beneath your body? Why didn’t I push you away? Why was I waiting for you to kiss me? Yes…I couldn’t believe it. I was waiting for you to kiss me. Was I in love with you? I didn’t know. I really didn’t know. The thought of us…it never occurred to me.”

“I spent days thinking about that night and eventually I came to a conclusion. I love men. I’ve always loved men. You know that, Terri. And I know that because of that, you never had the courage to tell me. And for that I thank you. I love you Terri, but it’s not the same kind of love you have for me. If you had told me, I really don’t know what my reaction would have been. Would I have resorted to avoiding you? Would I sever ties with you completely? I didn’t want such an awkward situation to arise. You’re my best friend, Terri, and you’ll always be my best friend. I love you because you are my friend. I could never love you the way you love me. I’m sorry. I hope you’ll understand.”

“Oh,” I continued. “I haven’t told you. I’ve broken up with Louis. Why? I guess every time I see him, it reminded me of you. He was there that day it happened…that day when you…I keep telling myself, If it wasn’t for him, if he hadn’t turned up, you could…you would still be here.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe we’ll get back together one day but at this point in time, it just hurts too much.”

"Another thing. Hung yeh's trial ended today. The jury found him guilty of your murder and other crimes. He's been sentenced to death. I know it won't make much of a difference now but at least justice has been done."

I brushed the leaves off and cleared the area around her grave another time. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you next week, okay?” I smiled at Terri’s photo before turning to walk away.

Halfway down the path, I don’t know what made me turn to look back towards Terri’s tomb. But I did and I saw a figure approach it and place another bouquet of flowers next to mine. I squinted to block the glare from the sun and tried to focus to see who it was. When I recognised him, I smiled and continued my way down the path. It was Jordan.