THE TOUCH

You know, my mother taught me that when you have nothing nice to say about something, don't say anything at all.

Then again, I am writing a review here. So I guess I will need to say something...

So, what is The Touch?

In short, Indiana Jones the Asian version.

Those of us who have read/watched the Adventures of the Monkey God will find the backbone of this story pretty familiar. Basically everybody (and by that I mean Michelle Yeoh and gang as well as the baddies) is after this thingy called the Sharira which is supposedly the essence of the monk, Tong Sam Jong. Who was of course, the Monkey God's master.

I figured out that Michelle and gang were supposed to protect the Sharira as it was a task assigned to their family. But what I didn't get was why the bad guy wanted it. Sure, they did say that legend has it that if one ate the flesh of the holy monk, one would become immortal. I suppose that was why the bad guy wanted it then...

But I guess the crux of it all was I didn't really care. I didn't care if Karl (Richard) the bad guy seemed to be winning. I didn't care if Tong (Brendan) or his girlfriend Lily (Margaret) was/was not going to die. I didn't care much for Yin (Michelle). Nor did I care much for Eric (Ben). I didn't care at all. I was just totally detached from all the characters.

Which, and you don't even need to think about it, doesn't say very much for the movie.

For want of a better description or word:

Boring. With a capital B.

I'm sorry Michelle, but you probably shouldn't have given up the Matrix sequels for this project.

Lets see.

The story, on the whole, was boring. It was like a borrowing from, yes you guessed it, Indiana Jones, with a dash of Tomb Raider here and there too I suppose. I don't mind the copying but heck, at least try to do a better job. It just looked and felt like a poor HK version - pretty embarassing if you ask me. Also, I couldn't help but think of it as one of those HK-made English dubbed movies. You know, those Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan movies dubbed into English which you can sometimes find at rental shops? Where it just sounds so darn weird to hear a whole lot of Chinamen speaking a foreign tongue? Oops. I forget. It is a HK-made movie. Only it isn't dubbed in English. And yes, it was extremely odd when almost every Chinaman in the movie could understand and speak English perfectly.

The fighting scenes? Boring. Nothing new there. The action scenes were hardly exciting at all. Ho hum. And if you want to compare beauty of choreography, this is no where close to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

And my goodness, the CGI. What happened there? Fake and unrealistic would be understatements.

I can't believe they're already contemplating a sequel. But I guess as long as the movie is making money, they'll want to ride the wave and rake in more. After all, it is business.

This really was a disappointment for me. I mean, here was our own Datuk Michelle Yeoh, starring in and producing this supposedly international-standard-like film - a truly proud moment for Malaysia and Asia.

Oh well.

I guess that's always the case. The higher the expectations, the harder they fall.

So to watch or not to watch?
Let's just say that you probably won't be missing much if you missed it.

This review can also be found at spcnet.
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