CHAPTER 10: BEWITCHED, BOTHERED & UTTERLY
CONFUSED

Monday, 1 October 2001

I walked into office with slight trepidation. I was surprised that Jess didn't call at all that weekend. I had expected her to do so after Friday night but I guessed wrong. Actually, I was pretty relieved she didn't cos I doubt very much I would have been able to explain that evening.

Anyway, as usual, the first person that greeted me this morning was Kev. I admit that his cheeriness did serve to enlighten my mood a bit. Seeing that boyish grin and ne'er a care attitude brought a little smile to my lips.

"How was your weekend?" he asked.

I shrugged. "S'alright."

Gosh. Didn't we have anything else to say? I smiled at him and he smiled back. I couldn't help but think how awkward the whole situation was.

"Are you free for lunch today? There's this really good seafood noodle place not far from here..."

"Okay!"

"...but it's okay if you can't make it. There's always next...did you say okay?"

I nodded and Kev gave me the biggest smile ever. I was actually really thankful that he had asked me out for lunch. Someone else had asked earlier but I had been thinking of a way to turn that person down. Now I could and I didn't have to lie. I was really bad at lying. My face and tone of voice were dead giveaways. Oh, and the person I wanted to get out of lunch with? That was Chris.

Yea, Chris. So, why didn't I want to have lunch with her? Well, to put it frankly, I was scared of her. I was scared of me when I was with her. I was just scared.

She had called the next day after dinner that night. When my phone rang, I had jumped, half-expecting it to be Jess. Chris was the farthest person from my mind - okay, maybe not the farthest person, but I wasn't expecting her to call at all - at least, not so soon.

"Hi, is this Flora?"

The number on the caller ID didn't register and it was an unfamiliar voice too.

"Yea. Who's this?" I asked cautiously.

"It's Chris."

I tensed when I heard the name. Oh boy. It's her. She called.

"Oh, hi Chris. What's up?" I tried to sound as unaffected as possible.

"Nothing much, really. I just called to ask what's up? Are you doing anything today?"

Was she about to ask me out? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. How do I handle this?

"Erm...no. I don't have any plans today."

Was that casual enough? I hope it was. I hope it was.

"Do you want to meet up? We could grab some coffee. How does Coffee Bean sound?"

She *was* asking me out. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I wished Mag was here with me now.

"Yea, why not."

What the hell was I doing? It seemed as though my mouth, my brain and my heart were all at conflict with each other.

"Great! It's a date then. I'll see you at 3, okay?" Chris said before she hung up.

A date? Oh boy. Oh dear. Oh goodness, gracious me. Was it? Arghhh! A part of me was actually overjoyed that she called. Another part of me was in total nervous shambles. And another part of me was so scared it crawled back further under the skin. Was it just going to be the two of us? Would we have anything to say? Was it just coffee or was it something else? Why was I so jittery? I mean, yea, I was attracted to her. That's pretty normal. I mean, you see someone and you think, wow, good looking. But this...this...excitement at hearing her voice, at...at...the prospect of meeting up, of seeing her, was really bothering me. I mean, I wasn't gay. Or was I? Sigh. I wondered if there was any part of me left that was the least bit sane.

I called the only person I could turn to at this time.

"Mag!" I screamed into the phone as soon as she had picked up.

"What?!" she screamed back. "I'm not deaf, you know."

"ChriscalledmejustnowI'msupposedtomeetherat
CoffeeBeanat3WhatdoIdo?"

"Whoaaaa...slow down, woman. All I heard was 'Chris', 'Coffee Bean' and 'do'. Now, could you please repeat what you said...much slower this time, or I'll start jumping to my own conclusions..."

I took a deep breath, willed my pulse to slow down a notch and repeated what I had said.

"Wow. She sure works fast," Mag sniggered.

I couldn't believe Mag. Here I was totally in a dilemma and all she could say was, 'wow, she sure works fast'?!

"You're not helping!" I screamed at her.

"Geesh. Get a grip on yourself, Flo. It's only coffee."

I could just imagine Mag rolling her eyes on the other side.

"If and when she starts to jump on you, then you start to worry. Meanwhile, why don't you just enjoy her company and get to know her?" Mag sniggered again.

"Can you come with me?" I asked sheepishly.

"No. She asked you. She didn't ask me."

"Puhhhhleeeeease?"

"No. You're old enough not to need a chaperone."

"You're such a bitch sometimes." I pouted.

"I know," she chuckled. "But you still love me."

"I may have to reconsider that now."

Mag laughed. "Tell me all about your *date* later, okay? I've got to go now. Have fun, darling!"

I cursed under my breath as I hung up the receiver. My best friend was abandoning me to face a pack of ferocious wolves. Okay, maybe that was too much of an exaggeration, but it sure felt like it.

Anyway, I finally made my way to Coffee Bean to meet Chris. Alone.

"Hi," she smiled as she stubbed out her cigarette.

"Hi."

"Can I get you something to drink?"

I shook my head. "It's all right. I'll go get it myself," I said as I started to get up.

"Sit down."

And down I sat again like some obedient canine. Gosh, where was your backbone, Flora, I chided myself.

"I'll do it. How about a Mocha Ice Blended?"

I nodded. I didn't dare argue with her. There was something in her tone of voice which told me that she was used to giving orders and making the decisions.

I sat there twiddling my thumbs as I waited for Chris to get back with my drink. We're just here for coffee, we're just here for coffee, I kept reminding myself. And she's a girl. G-I-R-L, girl. Hmm...I wonder what's it like to kiss a girl. NO! Bad Flora, bad Flora.

A cup suddenly appeared in front of me. "Here. One Mocha Ice Blended."

I grabbed at the cup and wrapped my fingers around it. Somehow holding it comforted me a little and abated a bit of my nervousness. "Thanks," I mumbled.

Chris did most of the talking and I did most of the jumping-to-ridiculous-conclusions-daydreaming. Seriously, I had absolutely no clue what she had said that whole afternoon. I was totally preoccupied with getting fascinated by the sound of her voice, by her little hand movements, by the way she dragged on her cigarette. I think I may be going crazy. I think I may have been without a man for far too long. I think this is all so wrong.

I worried about it through whatever was left of the weekend. I had called Mag a few more times after but she wasn't much of a help.
"If it feels right, what's the problem?" she said.

"The problem is, it doesn't feel right!"

"Then don't see her again. Simple."

Simple. Huh, I scoffed. Not seeing Chris, that was the easy part. Not thinking about Chris, now that was the hard part. But I guess something had to start somewhere. Okay, no more seeing Chris, I decided. I had to nip it in the bud before things grew totally out of hand.

"G'Morning."

I snapped out of my reverie. Jess had just walked in.

"Hey," I greeted her. But before any of us could say anything further, the phone on Jess' desk rang. She reached over to answer it. "Hello."

"Flora? Who's calling please?"

I looked at Jess inquiringly when I heard my name. How did my call get to her phone?

"Chris?" I saw the brows on Jess' forehead crease.

Chris? Oh shit.

Jess passed me the receiver. She stared at me curiously.

"Hi," I said into the phone.

"Flora, Chris here. So, can you do lunch today?"

"Erm...I'm sorry, I can't. I have to meet a colleague for lunch today."

"Okay, another time then. Catch you later."

"Yea. Bye," I quickly hung up.

Jess was still looking at me. "Chris," she nodded. "So, what's the story?"

"There is no story."

"C'mon, it's pretty obvious she's interested in you. Only the guys were too blind to notice," she sighed.

"Don't be mad," I brushed it off as a joke.

She shrugged. "Whatever. But if she's coming on to you, just tell her to back off. I know you're not into that, so the sooner you make things clear with her, the better."

I frowned. No, I wasn't into *that*, but when it came to Chris, I wasn't too sure. And now, I seem to have detected some sort of hostility in Jess towards Chris as well. Or maybe I was just being overly sensitive about everything at the moment. Oh dear. Talk about being totally and utterly confused.