CHAPTER 12: SHIT HAPPENS

Friday, 5 October 2001

You know how there's always that one day when everything goes wrong? When it seems like you're the brunt of some huge cosmic joke? When nothing you do turns out right? When nothing you say gets heard? When Murphy's Law becomes the rule of the day?
Well, today was such a day.

You would have thought that it being Friday and all, nothing could possibly go wrong. It was, after all, the end of an awful week and the beginning of the glorious weekend. Then again, I should have known better. This week had been nothing but a horror - avoiding Chris; the minor spate with Jess; moronic colleagues; asshole clients and that...that...whatever it was with Kev.

How stupid of me to think that Friday would be any better.

The bust tap was the first warning. Only, I was too stupid to realise.

There I was, happily brushing my teeth and gargling away to Do-Re-Mi when all of a sudden, in the middle of So, so too did the tap decide to join in. With a spurt, it suddenly sent forth a blast of stream towards my face.

Now, catching gushing water is truly an art I have yet to master.

I did finally manage to turn the blasted mains off but not before I was thoroughly drenched from head to toe. You can imagine what a mess my bathroom was in. There was water everywhere. Ugh. Maybe it would go away if I just ignored it.

I was truly asking for it. I mean, I should have just climbed back into bed after that.

But no. I've always been a sucker for punishment, so why should it be any different today?

The flat tyre was next.

I had been singing my heart out to 'I'm Every Woman' when I heard the loud bang.

Funny, I was very sure that wasn't part of the song. And why did it feel like I was on 4 by 4 terrain? Hey, this CRV may look like a 4 by 4 but I doubt very much that it was made for that sort of ride.

The censorship board would have had a field day muting all those curses that rolled off my tongue when I eventually realised what the 'problem' was.

Have you ever tried changing a flat? I know I've never. Sure, I've seen lots of other people do it before - I've just never done it myself, okay? I know where the tools and spare tyre are. I know you have to loosen the bolts on the wheel first. Then you need to jack the car up before unscrewing the bolts and removing the wheel.

Only, theory and practical were two very, very different things. Thank goodness for mobile phones and AAM.

The second sign. I should have just driven home after that. Instead I drove on to work.

How ironic because I really didn't want to go to work today. After last night's episode with Kev, I didn't know how to act in front of him. Should I be casual and pretend as if nothing happened? Should we sit down and talk about it whereby I should politely tell him that it would be totally impossible between us? Or should I actually give the poor guy a chance?

Aiks. Did I even think that last thought? I touched my forehead. Nope, felt normal. There was absolutely no way - not even the remotest possibility - that Kev and I could ever happen. Nope. No way at all.

Oh why is it I have to pass his room before getting to mine?

Walking as noiselessly as possible, I paused just outside his door. I heard voices come from inside. Damn. Kev was in his room. If I were to walk pass, he would surely see me. My only hope was that they would be too engrossed in their discussion to actually notice me. Taking a deep breath, I hurriedly walked pass the door - head down low, eyes focussed on the floor.

Phew! Made it.

I quickly escaped into the confines of my room and quietly closed the door. I decided the best option would be to pretend we were both invisible and to avoid him at all costs.

I slumped into my chair totally exhausted.

It didn't take me long to notice the stalk of rose on my desk though.

Oh oh.

I stared at it as though it was going to suddenly jump up and transform into a human-eating mutant rose monster.

There was no indication as to who had left it on my desk but only a fool would have had no clue. I gingerly picked it up and hastily hid it in the depths of my desk drawer. The only thing going through my mind at that moment was that I had to get rid of the evidence.

And not a moment too soon too for the door was suddenly thrown open.

"Why is the door closed?" a puzzled Jess asked as she strode into the room.

"Shit. You gave me such a fright."

"Why? Have you been bad?" Jess raised a brow.

"Huh?"

"If you haven't been bad, you shouldn't need to be afraid."

"Since when did you get so philosophical? Who are you?" I eyed her skeptically. "What have you done with Jess?"

"Resistance is futile. Bow to your leader now," Jess droned.

Okay, she cracked a joke. But I couldn't help but feel there was still some underlying tension there.

"Did you see the message?" she said. Her tone of voice suddenly dropped a few notches in temperature.

Message? What message? I looked at the mess on my desk again and finally spotted what it was that Jess was talking about.

'5/10. 10.05am.
Chris called.
Return her call.
J.'

Oh shit.

Of all days, Jess had to come in earlier than me today, and of all days, Chris had to call and Jess had to pick up that call.

"Hey, Flora."

Oh double shit.

I slowly lifted my head at that voice. Standing by the door was Kev. I forced a smile at him. When he returned the smile, it was so genuine, it made me feel like a complete bitch.

"Just wanted to say good morning," Kev grinned. "See ya then," he hesitated slightly before disappearing off.

Argh. Why did he have to be so nice?

"So, aren't you going to return her call?"

I snapped my attention back towards Jess and glared at her. I didn't like the way she had said that. Her question had been cold and mocking.

"It's only polite," I said, knowing that such a reply would probably infuriate her.

She stared at me for a split second, then turned away.

"I guess you won't be joining the guys and me tonight then," Jess said without looking at me. "Since you'll be with your *girlfriend*."

That hurt. Why was Jess being so childish and unreasonable? But instead of screaming at her, I just sighed. "Oh, grow up, will you?"

"Ooo, I'm soooo sorry. I'm not matured enough for Ms Flora. I'm not fit to be her friend," Jess sneered. "Go run to your Chris then."

"Oh, f*** you," I said, truly agitated by then.

I got up and left the room in a huff. Which was a mistake because I didn't know where to go. The pantry seemed to be the only place of refuge.

It was a short-lived escaped though. I walked right in and into, who else, but Kev.

"Flora, you all right?" he asked. Concern seemed to mask the glitter that was normally in his eyes.

I cursed silently. I didn't need this now. What with the bust tap, the flat and then Jess, I really didn't have the strength at the moment to sort out Kev as well.

"Uh. Look Kev, can't talk right now. Busy. Got to go," I mumbled as I hurriedly made my way out.

I felt like a headless chicken, flapping its wings aimlessly. I seriously didn't know where else to hide now. It made me wish I was an ostrich. Then I could just stick my head into the ground and disappear from view completely.

I ended up in the one place I normally went to think - the toilet. I doubt I would run the risk of bumping into Kev or anyone else for that matter in there.

I chose the cubicle at the far end, closed the door, lowered the lid onto the bowl, sat there, rested my chin on my two hands and sighed. Just when I thought I finally had some peace and quiet, my mobile phone rang, causing me to jump in fright.

"Hello!" I barked into it, not appreciating the intrusion.

"Whoaaaa woman. Chill. That time of the month, eh?"

"What do you want, Mag?"

"Ohhkayyy...Wrong side of the bed too, huh? Nevermind, all will be better after a few drinks tonight. How about it?"

Amazingly, Mag actually managed to steal a chuckle out of me. "Yeah," I muttered.

"Goody. Oh, I have to warn you though. Chris will be there as well."

Chris?

Oh, why not? Since Jess was being such a bitch about the whole thing, maybe I should just prove her right, eh?

For a fleeting moment there, it felt good being the wicked old witch of the west.

"See you tonight then," I told Mag before hanging up.