CHAPTER 19: CRASH BOOM BANG

Monday, 1 April 2002

April Fool's Day.

And Fool equalled Flora. After all, both began with 'F'.

As usual, I felt as though I was the brunt of yet another cosmic joke. I needn't have to tell you what the problem was. Correction, I had three problems. Not just one. Mag was right.

Anyway, there I was, looking into the face of one of my problems at this very moment. And a very serious face it was too. None of that usual warm smile or boyish chuckle.

"You know, Flora. It's been what, 4 months now."

Oh no. Here we go again. He's pushing me for a decision once more.

I nodded. "I know, but..."

"I like you, Flora," he interrupted. "But this can't go on forever."

I snapped my faltering attention back at him when I heard those words. What couldn't go on forever? Him liking me? Did I miss something?

"Flora, are you listening to what I'm saying?"

Huh? Oh yea.

"You can't go on liking me forever?" I said dumbfounded.

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean, us, this..." he sighed. "I would like something more out of this - I don't even know what to call it - relationship?"

"You want to sleep with me, is that it?"

Aiks. Where did that come from? Another case of words bypassing the brain and spewing straight out of the mouth. Alex stared at me incredulously. Then he sighed and shook his head.

"At some point in time, yes, I would like to sleep with you...but that's not what I'm talking about right now."

I knew it, I knew it, I knew. It would be too much to ask of a guy if they didn't think about taking a woman into bed.

"I'm suuure that's not what you're talking about," I said sarkily.

He sighed again. "You don't like me very much, do you?"

"I mean, seeing how you can't make up your mind whether it's Bowie or me. And now, your ex-boyfriend has come back looking for you as well," he continued before I had the chance to say anything.

I opened my mouth again to retort but Alex beat me to it once more. He must have rehearsed his speech before this. It seemed to flow too easily.

"In that case, maybe it's best if I just pulled out, eh? Seriously, Flora, I can't carry on like this. Maybe you can but I can't. I don't like not knowing where I stand in this relationship and if you can't make a decision this afternoon, I think it's best we call the whole thing off."

"A man's got to sow his seeds, not sit around waiting for an empty land to suddenly sprout a harvest," he continued.

I stared at him flabbergasted. What the hell was this guy going on about? Sow? Seeds? Harvest?

"What does this have to do with sowing seeds?" I frowned.

"It has everything to do with sowing seeds. I had it all planned out for us, Flora. I was going to propose to you next year. We'd start a family immediately. We'd have a boy and a girl - Michael and Michelle. You'd stop work, of course - to be the perfect mummy to our perfect kids. And in a couple of years, we'd all move back to the States where my parents are. And we'll live happily ever after," he said with a hint of regret in his voice.

I realised my mouth had dropped open and hastily shut it. This guy was crazy. Not to mention scary. Here I was thinking of who to choose and there he was thinking of...all that? And I thought I had problems.

"Err..." That was the best I could do at a time like this.

"So you see, if you don't make your decision now, all that's not going to happen. Can't you see how much you'd be missing out on?"

My mouth had dropped opened again. I didn't bother shutting it this time.

"Err..." My vocabulary had been seriously reduced to a one-syllable sound. I wanted to put as much space as possible between the both of us. The further, the better.

"Looks like your answer is still a 'I don't know'," Alex sighed.

Even his sighs scared me now. You know what they said about psychopaths. The calmer they were, the more dangerous they were.

He sighed again. "In that case, I have to say, 'Sorry', but it's over between us."

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I walked back to office in a daze, still reeling from that lunch 'chat' with Alex. What the hell just happened?

I heard someone call my name but I couldn't be sure. Whatever it was, I grunted a greeting anyway and continued walking until I reached my desk.

"How was lunch?" Jess asked.

I looked at her blankly.

"Flo? You okay?"

"Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey..." As far as I was concerned, shell-shocked victims didn't need to be coherent.

"Errmm...should I call the men in white?"

"Alex just dumped me."

"What?!" Jess exclaimed.

"Trash. Rubbish. Take out. Throw. That sort of dump," I rattled on.

"I thought he was crazy over you?"

"Oh, he's crazy all right." And I proceeded to tell Jess what transpired over lunch.

"Sheeet," Jess remarked when I was done. "Oh well, no matter, you still have Bowie and Takeshi," she chuckled.

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I sat at the far corner of the restaurant, skimming through the menu, waiting for Tacky to appear. He had asked me out to dinner tonight and had sounded real excited over the phone. But after that shock with Alex, I just didn't seem to be in the mood for any more excitement.

"Hey Floozie."

I looked up at the direction of the voice and found Tacky grinning goofily at me. I wasn't so much preoccupied with his grin but more with the person standing next to him. It was another woman. And was it my imagination or did they have their palms linked together? I wouldn't put it pass my imagination though. After what happened this afternoon, I could still be hallucinating.

I blinked once thinking that it would do the trick and Tacky would be the only person sitting at the table when the cloud around my eyes cleared.

No such luck. She was still there.

"Floozie, this is Carol," Tacky introduced us.

Carol? Who in the world was Carol?

"Floozie? Tacky's told me so much about you," she giggled.

Ugh. I hated the giggling sort. And Floozie? What right does she have to call me that? Also Tacky? That was my nickname for him. No one else, but no one else could call him Tacky.

"Tacky. Isn't that so funny? I'm amazed I even thought that up. It's such an appropriate nickname for Takeshi, don't you think?" she chattered on.

She thought it up?! I glared at Tacky. I wasn't about to keep it a secret that I was truly annoyed. Floozie and Tacky was something sacred to us. And now this giggling, have woman here was calling me Floozie and him Tacky like we were in some sort of threesome relationship.

Tacky caught my eye and just shrugged.

A shrug? Now what the hell was that suppose to mean? And what was the idea bringing another woman on our date?

After like endless babble from the have woman, she finally excused herself to go to the ladies.

Probably so thirsty from all that yakking, she needed to drink the water tank, I scoffed to myself.

I stared angrily at Tacky. "Who is she?"

"Remember that girl I keep telling you about? Well, that's her," he smiled cautiously.

That's her?! I thought the girl he was going on about was me! Oh great, Flora, just great. And all along I thought that this hunk of a man still had feelings for me and was looking for a reconciliation. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. And as if to mock me, the piped-in music started playing that old Beatle's song - the one that had giggly bitch's name in the title. The world opening up to swallow me right now would be a pretty good idea.

"I see," I nodded stiffly. Well what else did you expect me to say?!

"Err...Floozie, you all right?"

"Uh," I grunted. Of course I wasn't all right. This was the second shock I had in a day.

"How long have you and her..." I waved absent-mindedly in the air. "Where did you guys meet?" I had to know. I just had to know.

"Oh, she's my colleague from New York. We were both transferred back here. For the new division?" Tacky explained. "As for how long we've been...you know, well, it's only been like a week old. I've got to thank you though. All those talks with you and all those tips and hints you gave, they worked like magic," he grinned.

Oh great, just great. I had single-handedly handed him to another girl. How was I to know it wasn't me he was talking about?! And there I was thinking he was just being slow putting his plans into action. You're so pathetic, Flora Lee. So terribly, terribly pathetic.
I sighed.

Tacky frowned. "You're not happy for me?"

Happy for him?! Was he mad?! Or did he think I was mad?!

"Uh," I forced a smile. "Of course I'm happy for you," I lied.

He nodded, satisfied. "I'm glad to hear that. And do know that I hope for the best for you too. Bowie and Alex are both great guys. You're one lucky lady."

Uh, yea. Suuuuuure. I was one lady - laden with a whole heap of bad luck. Having three guys crazy over me was definitely an oversight that would soon be quickly corrected by the powers that be.

First, Alex. Then Tacky. Bowie next, I presume.

As if on cue, my mobile rang.

And flashing on and off on the LCD screen was none other than Bowie's name.