CHAPTER 8: THE MATTER OF 5...PLUS 1

Tuesday, 19 September 2001

He hasn't called since.

So I guess not making a big deal out of that particular phone call was a wise move after all. I couldn't help but think though - what if I had said yes to his offer? What if I really did go to New York? What would have happened? Would anything have happened at all? Was reconciliation a possibility? Would he make the first move? Eh? Maybe he already did? Was that invitation to visit him a 'first move'? Was that why he never called again? Did me turning him down mean that I was also turning down his attempts at getting back together?

Arghhh. It was like playing 20 questions, only there were no answers.

Mag was hysterical.

"Why didn't you say yes?! Oh my gawd woman, I can't believe you! You can be so dense at times. Of course it was obvious he wanted to get back together! No sane person would call out of the blue and ask you to visit and was willing to pay your way there as well! Geeeeeshhh! I really don't understand you sometimes!"

Huh, I scoffed. You don't understand me. Heck, I don't even understand myself. I mean, what would you have done? I know what Mag would have done. It was pretty obvious the way she was chucking a fit at me. And you already know what I did. What would you have done? Hop on the next flight out to New York and run straight back into his arms? *Hello* he never did say he wanted to get back together, did he? I mean, here we were jumping to conclusions and trying to decipher the true hidden meaning behind his invitation - if there ever was one in the first place - hidden meaning, that was; and maybe all along, he only meant it as a gesture of friendship.

Yeaaaahhh. Pretty hard to believe, right?

Okay, what about this...

Sigh.

Okay. I really couldn't think of a better reason for his invitation other than that he was reeeally thinking of getting back together. Then again, if that was true, why couldn't he come back instead? Why did I have to go over?

"Arghhhh! You think waaaay too much, woman! Can't you just be spontaneous and go with daaaa floooow?!" Mag screamed. "And he *did* say he was busy."

"Well, I'm busy as well," I retorted.

Mag sighed. "You know, all this lamenting about you not being able to find a man, I think you bring it all upon yourself. You break up with a perfectly good man. You turn him down when he asks you to go visit him - which, and I say it again, was very obvious an attempt to get back together. Then there's your colleague who's practically tripping over his own feet to please you. Two fine guys and yet you insist on brooding over those who are totally blind to the fact that you are, after all, a member of the female species."

I couldn't help but grin. Mag sure had a way with words. Okay, I get the part about Tacky. My bad entirely. But Kev? Come on now, Mag, you couldn't be serious? I raised my brow at her in disbelief.

"I swear you're such a snob," Mag said in disgust. "So what if Kevin doesn't have the qualities you're looking for in a guy? So what if he isn't the sort to wine and dine you? So what if he isn't as rich as you? Woman, you're not getting any younger. You know he likes you, give it a chance."

I sighed. It wasn't about money. It wasn't about wining and dining. It was more a, how do I put it, mental thingy. I'm working with the guy, mind you. I know how it is. We're on two totally different wavelengths. I needed someone whom I could bond with intellectually - hey, if we were to grow old together, we needed to have stuff to talk about - and unfortunately Kev didn't quite cut it. Also, you know all that 'security' thingy? Well, to put it succinctly, Kev doesn't give me the feeling that he's able to take care of me. I couldn't see him as my pillar of strength. On the contrary I felt I was more his pillar of strength. Geesh, I wanted a boyfriend to lean on not the other way around. I'm not putting the guy down or anything. Without a doubt he's a very nice guy and I'm sure many women would consider him their perfect man. Only he wasn't mine.

Mag rolled her eyes. "Can you, for once, just stop being so fussy? There is no such thing as a *perfect* man. That is but a myth. They do not, I repeat, DO NOT exist at all, okay?"

"They do. Unfortunately, they're either married or gay. Or they don't pay any attention to me," I said.

"Ugh, the 3 musketeers again. Forever the 3 musketeers. I really don't know what you see in them. I mean, in terms of personality, Kevin is so much better. At least you know he'll be loyal to you. Them three? Huh, you'd be lucky if you can even keep their attention for 15 minutes," Mag scoffed.

I scowled. Thanks, Mag. I mean, I know I'm not that pretty but did you have to go rub it in?

"Oops. I didn't mean it that way," she laughed.

Then in a more serious tone, she continued. "Look, I'm not saying Louis, Bowie and Jules aren't nice guys. They are, really. Only, a girl would have to think twice about wanting to go out with them much less spend the rest of her life with any one of them. I mean, imagine, worrying worrying worrying all the time whether or not your boyfriend or husband is out with his arm around another girl. You know them best. Do you really think they'd change when, or maybe I should say, if, they do settle down? Okay, you get along really well with them, but hey, friends and boyfriends are two totally different things. As a friend you may think that all their flirting is harmless but as a girlfriend, you're going to see it differently. The 3 musketeers? I think they should remain such. Definitely not 3 potential lovers. Move on, darling. There are better fishes out there."

I let out a small chuckle and passed Mag a cup of tea. She had to be thirsty after that long speech.

"Maybe I should forget about guys entirely, eh - since I never have any luck with them anyway - and concentrate on girls from now on?" I said as I sidled up closer to her.

"Uh uh," Mag raised her finger and shook it admonishingly. "I know you love me but I'm married, honey."

"Awww...c'mon, must you break my heart too?" I put on my best pathetic-looking face.

"Hmm..."

I recognised that 'hmm'. It meant Mag had something cheeky up her sleeve. "Hmm what?"

"Remember Chris?"

Chris? Yes, I remembered Chris. Who could forget. What about her?

"Maybe she could give you some pointers," Mag grinned impishly.

Huh?

"Is she some high sorceress who is able to impart upon me the solution to the mystery that is men?" I asked.

Ouch. That slap on the head from Mag hurt.

"Dummy, I was talking about her giving you some pointers about women. Since you're considering going *that* way now."

Huh? Gosh, that blow to the head must have been worst than I thought cos I'm really lost now.

"Ugh! Must I spell it out for you? She prefers women, okay."

HUH?!

So, you're saying she's...

"Yea, yea. And a million dollars to you for getting the correct answer."

Whoa...I leaned back into the sofa, a little overwhelmed by this new revelation. Interesting, how interesting.