I sit on the beach behind my house and stare out at the dark water. It would be so tempting to just walk out into it and swim until I’m too tired to fight anymore. But I can’t do that. It would be like giving up and I can’t give up on Brian. Not yet anyway.
“Jade?”
I look up and see AJ standing behind me. “Hey Aje,” I force a smile and he sits by me.
“I was lookin’ for ya. Just figured you’d be here,” he shrugs slightly. “You ok?”
“Sure, I’m fine.”
“Did you see Brian today?”
“Yeah.”
“And?” he asks.
“And he still hates me. I don’t blame him either,” I feel tears fill my eyes. “I’m a bitch and I betrayed him. I never deserved him at all.”
“You guys will work through this,” AJ slips an arm around me as I start to cry. “You really will Jade. He loves you but right now he is hurt. Just give him a little space and he’ll be right over here asking to talk with you.”
“I don’t think so.”
“He will Jade. You’re his WIFE – that means way too much for him to just give up on ya.”
“I don’t know,” I rest my head on my knees. “Why are you bein’ so nice to me Alex?”
“Because I’m your friend,” he sounds surprised that I asked.
“Is that all? I mean, you know that nothing can ever happen between us?”
“I know,” he sighs. “I’ve known that for a long time. Doesn’t stop me wishin’ but… Look, just be glad I’m here Jady. Don’t go questioning my motives.”
AJ holds onto Jade tightly as she stares back out at the ocean. It feels so good to have her so close to him, to be able to breathe in her scent… He just wishes she wasn’t hurting so bad. When Jade had first told him about Brian leaving her, AJ had been secretly relieved. He felt almost as though he finally had a chance with her. All he had to do was be there for her, bide his time and then make his move. But now he knows that can’t happen, not in the state Jade is in. She has changed so much since losing Brian. She cries easily and hardly eats. She has no passion left in her and her smile never reaches her eyes. It’s more obvious than ever that she should be with Brian. Nobody else would ever come close to him in her eyes. Not even AJ. And he hates seeing her like this.
God, what is it with us?! When we are finally happy, finally have a good shot at being happy, we go and fuck it all up. I mean, y’all know what’s happened between me and Nick, and now Jade and Brian have split up. Jade is going through hell. So is Brian, not that he’d ever admit it. He’s changed in the month since they split up – become colder and more distant somehow. I guess Jade hurt him so much and he is afraid of admitting it because then he will just fall apart. The way Jade has done. When Brian had left Jade, he had gotten a flight out to Kentucky to spend time with his parents. When Jade had found out, she had flown out too. But he had refused to talk to her, or even to see her and she had flown back a few days later. Brian has been back in Tampa for two weeks. He’s staying with Kevin and Kristen until he decides what to do about the house he bought with Jade. He has told her he wants a divorce but I don’t think he meant it at all. He’s just lashing out like crazy. And I can understand it. If I found something similar out about Nick, it would be like my whole world just changed.
“The one person I love most in this world was only with me cos she has lousy time-keeping,” Brian had told me last week.
I see his point. But I also see how much Jade loves him, what a wreck she is without him. And I haven’t seen or spoken to Nick since our grocery store meeting. I miss him so much. I called him that day but he had hung up and then switched his phone to the answering service. I got the hint and gave up. I really don’t know what’s going to happen.