Things are quieter without Jade but life goes on as usual. I’m dating Nick most nights but staying at my place. We’re taking it slowly. I’m still not ready to get physical with him and he’s being so patient with me.
Jay went back to Atlanta for a couple of weeks but he’s back now. They have a big operation planned in two weeks’ time and he’s doing the obs for it. If it all goes smoothly, they could get $300 million of heroin off the streets. Nick hates Jay staying with me but I tell him he has nothing to worry about.
I don’t see Brian much but he seems ok, if a little quieter. AJ told me he had signed the divorce papers so I guess Jade isn’t married anymore.
She called me for the first time two weeks after leaving. She’s staying with a friend in Washington, doing some work in the White House press office. She says it’s a world away from doing music interviews but it’s good. I told Jade what AJ had said about the divorce papers and she had gotten real quiet. I guess she always hoped deep down inside that he wouldn’t sign them. But at least she knows now. I hope she can start to move on.
AJ moped around for a few weeks after she had gone, saying it was worse for him because he had to deal with the fact that she could never love him. I think he’s dealt now. Not seeing Jade daily helps a lot. Sarah has arrived back on the scene. They’re just friends right now but I know that she loves him. She is just who he needs – somebody to ground him. Jade and him are too much alike to work together. Brian had grounded Jade. I’m hoping AJ will realise what he has in Sarah soon.
Howie and Kevin are just fine. Their lives always seem to run way smoother than ours do. How the hell do they do it?
Oh my God, I am pregnant. I have no idea how I feel about it yet. After taking the test I had kinda put it out of my head. But now my doctor has just confirmed it with a blood test. I’m having a baby. This isn’t how I planned it. Whenever I thought about babies, it was always within a happy relationship. And here I am – pregnant and newly divorced. Talk about a reality shock. Things are so over between me and Brian. Ali told me that he signed the divorce papers in front of AJ. I guess I never really thought he would do that, end our marriage. It’s not fair.
I miss him so much. It actually hurts physically. I never thought it would hurt so much. I can’t eat or sleep without him. I mean, obviously I do but it’s all so dull and lonely without him. I feel like all the colours have disappeared from my life. I’m not married to him anymore. How could I have let things go this far, get this bad? I’ve lost the rest of my life and there’s not a single damn thing I can do about it. I just need to get on with it I guess. It’ll get better eventually.
I walk slowly down the street and back to my job. I rest my hand lightly on my flat stomach and smile. Ok, so this isn’t great timing but it’s still my baby. I wonder what it’ll look like. I really hope he/she’ll have AJ’s eyes.