“Excuse me, I need to ask you some questions,” a police officer walks into Nick’s room.
“Can’t you wait ‘til tomorrow?” I ask. “He got knocked out!”
“I’m sorry but we do need to clarify a few things.”
“It’s ok,” Nick tells me and then looks at the guy. “Go ahead.”
“Thank you. Could you tell me why you were at the club?”
“I went there to speak with Jay.”
“About?”
“Uh, it was personal,” Nick stammers slightly.
“I need to know sir.”
“It was about Ali, my girlfriend. We had a fight over Jay and I needed to let off some steam. So I went to see him. I just wanted to tell him to back off of Ali.”
“Nick…” I start to say angrily but the police officer gives me a look and I shut up. It can wait.
“Ok, and what happened when you arrived at the club?”
“I saw Jay at the bar. He was talking to some guy and I went over. I called his name and the other guy said that he thought Jay’s name was something else. Jay just covered it up but I didn’t realise then that he was on a job. He made some crack about screwing my girl and I just lost it. I said that he thought he was better than me because of his job and stuff. That’s when the guy realised he was a police officer.”
“What happened then?”
“He pulled a gun and Jay started trying to get him to put it down real slowly. He was so calm and I thought the guy would put it down, but then some police guys came in and yelled freeze and the guy shot Jay. It all happened so fast. I was looking at the door when he fired the gun.”
“And then?”
“Jay fell into me and I went down. That’s all I remember.”
“Ok, thank you sir,” he leaves the room.
“I’m sorry Al,” Nick reaches for my hand but I stand up.
“You killed Jay!”
“I didn’t. He only shot because of the police guys running in and yelling freeze!”
“But you blew his cover! I can’t BELIEVE you Nick. You actually thought there was something goin’ on between me and him?!”
“I’m sorry…”
“Well sorry just don’t cut it,” I tell him and leave the room.
“ALI!” he yells but I ignore him, starting to run down the corridor and out of this damn place.
Jay is dead. A guy I have loved for so long, somebody I could trust with everything… And my boyfriend helped to kill him. What the fuck do I do now?!
“Want some food honey?” I ask Jade and she shakes her head. She hasn’t said a word since we left the hospital. We’ve been back in my apartment for an hour and all she has done is sit on the couch staring out of the window. She looks so pale with her wild dark hair and her red eyes. I want her to talk to me, cry, scream, smash up the room. Anything but this silence.
“Ali,” she suddenly says and I cross the room to sit by her hopefully.
“Yes sweetie?”
“Shall we watch TV?”
“Sure,” I sigh heavily as she turns the TV on. I don’t know how I can get through to her, so I just sit and watch her all night, trying not to dwell on my own thoughts too much. I can’t tell Jade about Nick’s involvement in Jay’s death but she is bound to find out. I just don’t know what to do. Maybe Brian would know? I decide to call him in the morning and seek his advice.
“Howie?” Ali opens the door to him and he smiles lightly.
“Hey. How are you doin’? I came as soon as I heard.”
“Thank you Howie,” she smiles and leads him into the apartment. “I’m ok.”
“How’s Jade?”
“Not good. She’s hardly talking. And when she does, it’s not about Jay.”
“I’ll go talk to her. I can understand how she’s feeling,” he adds softly.
“Of course,” I remember that he lost his older sister to lupus a few years back. “She’s in there,” I tell him and walk away.
Howie watches Ali walk away with a heavy heart and opens the door to the lounge. He finds Jade staring at the TV and sits next to her, turning it off.
“Hey Jady, how you doin’?”
She looks at him blankly. “Why does everybody keep askin’ me that?”
“Because we all care about you sweetie,” he faces her and takes a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be easy – on either of them. “When my sister Caroline died, I refused to believe it. I even told myself that the reason she wasn’t there was because she’d gone on holiday someplace. It was easier than accepting that she’d died. That she’d left me. She was my big sister, she’d always looked out for me and now she’d left me.”
Jade starts crying and he puts his arms around her as his own tears start to fall, “Jay left me.”
“But I realised that she didn’t leave me Jade. She’s always here – looking out for me. Like Jay is for you. You’ll always carry a piece of him in your heart and soul. Don’t deny that Jady.”
“But he left me!” She chokes out.
“He didn’t. He’s here. He’ll never leave you, just as long as you never leave him. He’ll always be your big brother.”
“But he’s dead!” She cries even harder and Howie rocks her gently. “He’s DEAD! Why Jay?!” She buries her face in his jersey and sobs. Howie just holds onto her, whispering soothing words. After a while, her tears dry up and she calms down. Howie looks down at her.
“Are you tired Jady?”
“Yeah,” she says quietly. “I’ll go to my room. Thank you Howie.”
He kisses her, “I’m always here for you Jady. Always.”
“G’night,” she whispers and leaves the room.
Howie sighs and rubs his eyes before standing up. He finds Ali in the kitchen.
“She’s gone to bed,” he tells her.
“Good,” she smiles slightly.
“I think you could do with some rest yourself.”
“I will do,” she says and then starts to cry.
“Ali,” he walks over and wraps his arms around her. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you Howie,” she sobs. “I don’t know what to do. You know Nick was involved?”
“No.”
“Oh, well…” she tells him the whole story and he listens in silence.
“Ah. I see the problem,” he murmurs.
“What do I do? I love Nick but I can’t help but blame him for this. And Jade, she’s going to find out! Do I tell her or… What do I do Howie?”
“I don’t know Ali. I think you should tell Brian, let him tell Jade. He knows how to handle her.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Do you want me to tell him?” he offers.
“Oh please Howie,” she looks at him. “I’m so tired of knowing these things.”
“Just go get some sleep,” he tells her.
An hour after leaving Ali’s place, Howie is home. He grabs an iced tea and settles down on his balcony with a book. He can’t concentrate. Tonight has just brought back all the hard memories of the day Caroline had died. He feels so much for Jade, he knows exactly what she’s going through and what she still has to go through. The funeral would be horrible, but it would be a start. Three years on from Caroline’s death and he is still not over it. He never will be. He still cries whenever significant dates come around, or when something reminds him of her. But now he can laugh and smile when he remembers her. A few minutes later the phone rings and he heads back inside to answer it.
“Hey.”
“Hey Howie,” Brian greets. “I just wanted to see how it went with Jade.” Brian had been the one to tell Howie about Jay’s death. He had asked Howie to go talk with Jade, knowing that the loss of his sister made him a better empathiser than anyone else.
“She’s gonna be ok Brian. I talked about Caroline and she finally admitted that Jay is gone. We talked a little and she cried herself to sleep.”
“Thanks Howie. God, I just wish there was something I can do. She told me that I don’t understand and she’s right. I’ve never lost anybody.”
“Brian, just keep on doing what you are – being there for her. Like you were for me.”
“I’ll try. If she doesn’t keep pushing me away.”
“Well, ya gotta admit it’s difficult. You guys are divorced. You used to love each other… It’s gonna be painful anyway.”
“I still love her Howie. And we’re not divorced.”
“But AJ said you signed the papers…”
“I burnt them after he left.”
“Oh. Does she know?”
“No. I figured this isn’t the right time to tell her either.”
“Maybe it would help her. If she loves you too…”
“But if she doesn’t…”
“She does. I’m sure of it,” Howie tells him. “Look, there’s something else…”
“Yeah?”
“Nick was involved,” he tells Brian the full story of Jay’s death.
“Oh god…” Brian murmurs. “Somebody needs to tell Jade.”
“I know.”
“I guess that’s me.”