A week after the funeral, I’m in Brooklyn with my parents. I talk to Nick on the phone a lot. I wouldn’t have gotten through Jay’s funeral without him beside me. I talked to my mom about Nick and she said she couldn’t get over him loving me even after he had found out about my past. Yeah, I know, real flattering thing to say of your own daughter huh? But that’s my mom. I know she loves me a lot. She’s just not a very expressive person. It was her way of telling me that I can find it in myself to forgive Nick his role in Jay’s death. And I guess I can, I already have. I’m just scared that I’m betraying Jay in some weird way.
After the funeral Brian headed back to Tampa with the other guys. Ali came back after her time in Brooklyn and stayed with me and my parents for a week. We just talked about Jay and cried a lot, but we also started to be able to laugh and smile too. After the week, we both head back to Tampa. I need to get my things together and pick someplace to go. I mean, I’m ok right now but give me two months and it will become obvious that I’m pregnant. Maybe I should just tell AJ? I don’t know. Some nights I lie awake and convince myself to tell him. I remember how he had made me feel so complete that afternoon after Jay died and it gives me hope. Other nights, I know I cannot tell him. It wouldn’t be fair to him. Or Brian. Anyway, like AJ’d want a baby? He’s too much of a free spirit to get tied down by kids. I think Ali is gonna go see Nick – find out if they have anything left to save.
I ring Nick’s bell and stand back, looking up at the house. After landing at Tampa airport, I had called him to see if he wanted to talk. He had seemed distracted but told me to give him an hour and then go around. So here I am. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him but I know that I love him. And I know that Jay wouldn’t have wanted me to be lonely and sad without him. I ring the bell again just as the door is swung open.
“Al, don’t say anything,” Nick tells me as I open my mouth. “Just follow me.”
“Wha…” I start.
“Shh,” he whispers and takes my hand, leading me through to the lounge. I give up and just let him take me into the room. Then I stop and stare. He’s filled it with candles and roses and music. It looks like somebody filmed a Barbara Cartland novel there and forgot to take the props when they left. “Alicia Jordan McNamara,” Nick says seriously and I look at him. “I love you so much. Will you marry me?” he asks as he drops to his knees in front of me.
“I…I…” I stammer and he takes my hand in his.
“I want to put all the bad stuff behind us and start again,” he murmurs.
“Get married?!”
“Uh huh. So, will you?” he asks hopefully and I manage to nod. “Is that a yes? Cos y’know it’s a binding contract,” he jokes.
“I know and it’s a yes,” I giggle.
“I got you this,” he pulls out a ring from his pocket and slips it on my finger. “If you hate it, we can go change it… It’s cool.”
“I love it,” I whisper and kneel down beside him. “And I love you.”
“I love you too,” he kisses me. “So, so much baby.”